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Original poster

Help, my new nanny is a bit shouty, and I'm worried, and would like advice on how to handle it

313 replies

PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 11:46

My lovely calm, quiet, loving nanny of 5 years left last week, and a new nanny started. She is NNEB, worked in a nursery (baby room) most recently, nannied for 2 children before that. She's now been with us for just over a week.

I'm a little worried about how she interacts with the children. She has been playing quite well with DD1 (9), and has been givena very hard time by DD2 (16 months) who screams at strangers generally and hasn't settled with her yet (screamed constantly yesteerday morning when I went to the supermarket apparently). DS1 (6) has been OK with her, DS2 (3) had his tonsils and adenoids out last Tues and was feeling rotten until this weekend.

She is a bit of a sargeant major - issues orders and won't brook any discussion at all, even when it would be (I think) completely reasonable to listen to what they are saying. eg she was asking them to go upstairs for a bath - we have two staircases to go up, and DS2 wanted to go up the other one to the one she was asking him to go up - and she was raising her voice and saying "DS2, I have asked you to go up to your bath and you need to go up these stairs NOW". I don't see why he couldn't have gone up the other ones if he wanted to. There are lots of other examples - I don't think I heard my last nanny raise her voice more than about 2ce (usually in situations where I would have strangled them hours previously!), whereas raising her voice appears to be this nannies MO.
My 9 year old has asked me why she shouts so much
My housekeeper has told me she is concerned.

What do I do?

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Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 13:02

two dogs and a pony.....!

no, hk is keen to like her

OP posts:
nannynick · 31/05/2007 13:04

You have a housekeeper, yet you want the nanny to do housekeeping duties... am I the only one confused by this?

Could the nanny and hk be treading on each other's toes a bit... sounds like a possibility to me, so making it clear to both as to what is expected may be a route forward - if nanny is to do children's washing, then tell her that, and tell hk not to do it.

TootyFrooty · 31/05/2007 13:04

She loves horses too....

My lab still goes totally nuts whenever she comes round to visit. I think that is A Good Thing.

WideWebWitch · 31/05/2007 13:08

lol at silent as a ninja! The housekeeper concern would bother me, as would the stairs thing, blimey, that's SO not a battle worth having imo.

I think I'd do the dinner/trial thing AND have a look at lovely nanny Tootyfrooty knows about.

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 13:08

No I don't want nanny to do housekeeping duties at all! She needs to do the kids washing/ironing/putting away. She needs to keep the kids rooms straight (HK changes beds). If kids have a meal, she needs to wash up the pans, put plates in the DW and wipe down table and surfaces. If kids throw toys all over the house, she needs to tidy them up (get them to tidy them up)

HK does all the cleaning, all the washing except kids, all the hoovering etc. She hasn't got time to tidy up after the trail of devestation left by 4 children on a rainy half term however, that is the nanny's job.

Except since she has come I've done all the cooking, most of the cleaning up and all of the tidying, it seems. And the HK has done the washing. She has done some putting away of clothes, quite a lot of reading stories and playing games, and a bit of shouting.

Not quite, but that is what it feels like

OP posts:
Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 13:10

tootyfrooty I'm near lyneham/wootton bassett/calne way. what do you think?

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Kewcumber · 31/05/2007 13:12

sorry I am far too mesmerised by the multitudes of staircases, housekeepers dogs and ponies from not one but TWO of you, to be any practical help at all. One of you aren't Jilly Cooper are you - just how I imagine her life to be... but perhaps she's a bit old.

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 13:14

he he he

fish and chickens as well (but no more rabbits and guinea pigs - the dogs ate 'em)

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Anchovy · 31/05/2007 13:15

Do you have a very full job description? We have a written one which makes it entirely clear who is doing what.

I am also clear with the nanny about who is in charge when both of us are around (her, usually).

The messiness thing would piss me off more than the shouting, though, TBH. A bit of cheerful jolly-ing along shoutiness I can deal with. Coming home to a messy house is something else. FWIW I think that is something that is pretty much innate (the ninja nanny is immaculately tidy, the Serjeant Major nanny was less so, and one of her mates who did some fill-in work for us was a lovely, lovely girl but so messy it would just make you weep. And she really just did not notice it).

ShrinkingViolet · 31/05/2007 13:15

I love reading these sort of threads and drooling with enviousness - no practical help whatsoever though, sorry

Kewcumber · 31/05/2007 13:16

Is no-one else impressed by the various staircases and a pony and a housekeeper?! is it not news to any of you?

Eleusis · 31/05/2007 13:17

Do you do the shopping? If so, ask her to provide you with a shopping list on Friday for next weeks meal plan forthe kids so that you can go to the store over the weekend and make sure she has everything she needs on Monday morning.

This will force into thinking about what SHE is going to cook.

Do you have a nanny diary? It's a useful little tool to write each other noted in. I can suggest a nice if yo like. I think it's www.mydaydiaries.co.uk (not sure though, I can look it up if you are interested)

WideWebWitch · 31/05/2007 13:17

Not news, no Kewcumber! I've long envied PPH...

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 13:18

it isn't news to anyone, sorry kew

it isn't jolly shoutiness, it is cross shoutiness though... I hear what you are saying about the tidyness though!

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Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 13:19

eleusis this is all the sort of stuff I used to do with nannies but didn't need to with the last one because we worked together for so long

you are 100% right

I need to be much more proactive and train her up as well as keeping an ear on theshoutiness

whatelse have I forgotten?!

OP posts:
Eleusis · 31/05/2007 13:20

Excuse my appalling typing skills, please.

Kewcumber · 31/05/2007 13:21

My sister (who has more than one house so is in your league PPH ) is very shouty (though not in an angry way). I wouldn't employ her as a nanny, she'd do my head in (and DS's)

Tutter · 31/05/2007 13:22

can someone with experience of nany shares have a peek at my thread here

JoolsToo · 31/05/2007 13:23

It's hard to gauge the decibel level you're talking about, but personally I like 'strict' as long as it's coupled with fairness and fun too.

Watching the dgs's I think they get too much choice, when I were a lass or should I say young mum - you got cornflakes for breakfast and that was it, done and dusted in 10 mins - the dgs's take 10 minutes to decide which cereal they're gonna have!!!

but I digress, I'm sure you'll do the right thing PPH, you're very sensible!

Eleusis · 31/05/2007 13:25

You have probably hit the nail on the the head there yourself. You have had lovely nanny for many years and gotten used to not really having to manage her. And now you have a new less experienced nanny and she requires a bit more attention.

And of course, you know as well as I do, that this is the place to get any nanny employer advice you may need.

Oh, and I not only agree that you need a written job description, but I think you should put it in the contract. I have a "job duties" section in my contract that outlines where nanny's job ends and mine begins.

Twiglett · 31/05/2007 13:25

she sounds very much like she'd suit our house

TootyFrooty · 31/05/2007 13:27

I can certainly email her and ask her if she's found something yet and whether she'd be interested in a position in your neck of the woods. Does that sound ok? She might want to be closer to home but I'm more than happy to ask. (She is Salisbury btw).

Original poster
PrincessPeaHead · 31/05/2007 13:45

salisbury is really too far, sadly, it is a good 45-1hr mins across the downs. poo. but thank you very much anyway tooty

yup eleusis, I'm going to DO BETTER

Have just done contract, put in probation of a month (don't want to scare her with a much longer term, esp since I've never mentioned a prob period to her). Anyway a month should be enough I think...

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nannyj · 31/05/2007 13:47

She may be struggling with the amount of work there is as well. When i started my current job 3 years ago i found looking after 3 kids and keeping up with washing quite difficult, although i did have a young baby. Now i can do it in my sleep. Things take longer when you are new, for example when you're putting away washing you have to learn which childs it is and where it goes.Something your old nanny would have done in a fraction of the time.

Regarding the shouting i agree that you should have a review and explain that you don't mind if the children have their way of doing things. The nanny may well have thought your ds was being naughty and not listening to her. Absolutely no excuse for shouting though but she hasn't had a huge amount of experience as a nanny and looking after 4 children is a huge difference than 2. Good luck

chipmonkey · 31/05/2007 13:49

LOL Jools, dh comes home from LIDL with the weirdest cereals and it makes my life hell in the mornings, particularly as ds3 always wants to try whatever ds1 and ds2 are having, hates it and I end up giving him readybrek anyway!

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