As a parent, would you find this too bossy?

[Snap8TheCat]

I'm a well established childminder and when a new family starts with me I provide them with a pack of my policies and procedures and all the forms I need completing.

I'm thinking of adding a page to iron out little niggles that invariably crop up. Things like, please name clothing, don't drop off early without prior arrangement, i prefer nappies instead of pull ups, no lace up shoes etc etc

It's all worded very friendly but firmly. I feel it's better to air these things before they become a problem and I have to find a way of bringing it up.

However I'm dithering over whether to include it or not. Parents, what do you think?

I think the point is that the nature of the rules does matter. Rules such as about lateness, sickness, early drop-offs etc. would be utterly essential. The concern is that some of the rules like about nappies start to seem nit picky, so if there are a lot of nit picky rules then parents might be put off and it might give the impression that things are quite rigid and that you aren't open to personal requests. So some issues are better dealt with up front, some are better discussed at the time with parents.

"Well because I wasn't actually asking if my rules were reasonable requests! I was asking whether the info in written format was too bossy or should I just raise it as the issue becomes apparent? "

And the answers you received said - neither! Make your rules known at introduction time because many parents will not be happy signing a contract and then given you "friendly" rules.

Honestly, none of the nurseries we used were ever so rigid, so I definitely would want to know about your "issues" before I signed a legal contact with you. Oh, and yes. People can easily break that contract if you present them with your "issues" once they signed one.

If they are your requests and you phrase them as requests then parents who want to can discuss it with you.

I think some will just think you are trying to make your life easier for your own sake so might but some will realise that if you are asking it for all the children in your care then their child will have less waiting around time while you change another child too.

If you put your child in any care setting other than a nanny you will need to adapt your child to suit the rules. It's precious to insist on pull ups and lave up shoes when you know it makes the childminders life harder. Just use pull ups and lace up shoes and home.
When Dd started with her CM we had to change all sorts of things to help her fit into the setting because unlike at home there are 6 other children to think about.

I would be questioning why a registered childminder felt trying shoelaces impacted the day to the point where they couldn't spend quality time with my child.

Really? You can't see how having to tie, untie, tie, untie, re-tie, untie, tie...shoelaces for children is an unnecessary time drain?

I couldn't believe that parents are no longer shown how to change a nappy without stripping a child off the first time I saw a mum do this I was just why are you taking his trousers and shoes off? It totally explains why I stand outside changing rooms for so long. It amazes me that in hundreds of years of evolution its only the last 5 that has bread babies that can no way ever be changed in a nappy. God help those parents when the 6 month old becomes a screaming 2 year old htat wont get in a car seat if you cant control a wriggly 6 month old. Cooperation with nappy changes is also one of the development stages.

couldn't believe that parents are no longer shown how to change a nappy without stripping a child off who would show them? Surely it's just common sense to work out the easiest way to change a child. The idea that someone should be showing people this is quite bizarre.

Actually having slept on this, some of the responses here and really clarified something for me. Something some parents have probably never thought of.

When I meet a new family, I am interviewing them as much as they are interviewing me. It's very much a two way decision process. I am considering the children and families I already work with, my own children and husband and indeed myself when meeting and deciding on whether I can work with the new family.

If people aren't considerate and flexible in a group care setting it can make things difficult for everyone, yes including me! If people have such strong feelings that they can't pick up a packet of nappies instead of pull ups to leave at my house then they aren't going to fit in. I have 13 children on my books at the moment and they and their parents are all marvellous. They appreciate that their child cannot always be first, but that's part of the reason they have chosen a childminder. To integrate their child in to a family setting and learn patience, consideration and generally being nice (even if god forbid it is to make my life easier!) is wonderful.

I think if you can't bear to make your childminder's life's easier by selecting a pair of Velcro shoes instead of lace ups if she says it will be helpful then you might need a nanny that you employ.

It goes both ways, I'll run out to fetch a child from school if a parent is running late or whip up a packed lunch if they've forgotten theirs.

If everything has to be a parent's way or no way then that doesn't make a good partnership for me and I would equally wave you on your way if you indicated that to me.

I don't think that just because someone wants their dc to have what they consider the most comfortable 'nappy' it means that they expect their child to come first and be the centre of the universe .

You sound a bit mean op. You asked for comments but clearly didn't want them. I think your reflections make sense, definitely good for both sides to know what they're getting at an interview stage. For what it's worth, all sounded fine to me (bar the Velcro) before you had a rant.

I sound mean? I did listen to the comments but decided I still think it's best to do what I originally thought. You think that's mean?

I thought your tone sounded a bit mean 'rock up with their own rules'. Maybe I'm a bit sensitive because to me laces and pull ups aren't a big deal, they hardly constitute 'own rules' but hey, whatever floats your boat.

OP bends over backwards to help parents with emergency care, early starts, late finishes, forgotten lunch boxes, etc. All she asks in return is a few things to make life easier for their children and god forbid herself.

I do the same for my parents and they help me out in response. It's a partnership, not a dictatorship.

Maybe it's the written word. I'm certainly not trying to come across as mean. Just trying to explain that when working with several families, it can be hard to do things everyone's own way. Give and take. These are my preferences (and they are preferences) and it's appreciated if families can meet them. Give and take. I have parents come to me with their preferences too that I will try to meet. If one of there's is 'must wear lace up shoes' then we aren't going to be a good fit.

*theirs

I would be fine with no laces and no unplanned early drop offs is fine.

Pull ups are a valid choice for parents to make during potty training so I wouldn't be happy at being told you don't support that.
Maybe alter it to say children not yet potty training would be preferred to be in nappies for quick easy changes but once potty training is under way pull ups are fine?

Fair enough op, I take back the mean comment. Give and take is crucial. Good luck with your information pack

Bobbly - I've explained the pull ups / potty training thing above. These are babies being sent in pull ups.

Thank you Treacle.

I completely understand where you are coming from.
I think worded in a friendly way or as an FAQ would be fine, I wouldn't think of it as bossy.
I remember when my first dd was at nursery I didn't actually have a clue and felt like an idiot asking some simple questions. I would be happy and comforatable with a list covering the things like this.

I think the 'pull ups' the OP is referring to are the new Pampers Baby Dry Pants that are the same price, you just pull them up. They are a god send for wriggly babies. And for me who is disabled and cannot wrestle my 2yr old!
If a childminder demanded I change back to regular nappies I'd be pretty annoyed! It's not up to the Childminder to decide what nappies my child wears! Would have to be a case of regular nappies for Childminder and the Pants type at home

I would have been glad to have this information to reference when dc were attending child care. It can be a very stressful time for first time parents so this will make it easier for everyone.

Maud Pampers Baby Dry Pants are just nappies you pull on and they're the same price as regular nappies. Been out about 18 months now. They're a godsend!!!! X

I'm a nanny from a nursery background I agree with the op pull ups are a pain. Definitely the parents saying they would never use would choose someone else etc, are definitely the ones who's never had to change more then one nappy at a time