Starting new nanny job pregnant!

[Seb101]

Hi all,
After some advice.... I have struggled with infertility for years. I recently did another round of ivf. My current nanny job is finishing next month, and I've been job hunting for a while. I went to an interview and have been offered a job. When I went for the interview I was in the middle of my ivf cycle. I was asked at the interview if I intended to have any more children (I already have a 5 year old) I had to lie and say 'no.' I have now accepted job and am due to start in two months time. Two weeks after accepting job I found out my ivf has been successful!!!! I absolutely over the moon happy.
BUT now I am due to start a job pregnant! By start date I'll be 12 weeks!
I can't afford not to work! I went for job believing ivf would fail, as it always has before!
Part of me thinks I should be honest, tell them, and let the
find someone else. But I NEED this job. I feel terrible because the family have cancelled there previous childcare and will be stuck if I let them down. But if I start I will only be able to work about 5 months max, then I'll have to leave. The family made it clear they wanted a long term nanny, and I reassured them I wanted this too.
Any advice? I'm torn between doing what's right for me; start job and leave whenever I need to, and putting family first by telling them and them most probably withdrawing job offer. No contract has bee signed yet.
Help! .......

Since they've cancelled their existing childcare they'll need time to readvertise, etc, anyway.... I would start and let them know then (will you have had your 12 week scan by then?)
AFAIK nannying is like any other job and they're not allowed to ask if you are planning children/ fire you for being pregnant.
Good luck and congratulations!

Not sure if I'll have had 12 week scan by then or not. Thing is if I tell them In first 4 weeks (probation period) of job, they will be able to get rid of me without reason. I'd have to wait till 16 weeks!! Then leave 3-4 months later. I feel so guilty because it will cause their children upheaval. But I guess I have to look after myself.

They shouldn't be asking whether you intend on having further children - pretty sure that there is legislation stating as such.

You're completely right - look out for yourself because they will only be keeping their best interests at heart. Long-term is never guaranteed anyway, so revel in the fact that IVF had worked (fantastic news btw, congrats!) and enjoy nannying until your new arrival x

They asked you if you planned to have any other children?? Is that legal??

It does make me lose any empathy for them having to find a new nanny. Karma is a beep

Honestly, I think you should wait as long as you are legally allowed to tell them.

They can be annoyed having a new nanny, but it's not your problem, and they have to act in a proffesional way with you. Things happen, this one is the best that could have happen to you, don't let them stress you. (I would probably offer to work unpaid hours at the end to make the transistion with the new nanny, but I am always trying to please people, so that might be a bad advice)

Congrats!!

Thank you guys, that's made me feel a little better about doing what i know I have to do.
And yes they asked me directly; 'I know we shouldn't ask but are you planning more children?' It kind of threw me, and I had to lie obviously, otherwise I wouldn't have got job!

I'd be honest with them. They could find a reason anyway if they didn't want you to continue even if it's after your probation period.

They def shouldn't have asked you about your future child plans.

But if my nanny started at 12 weeks pregnant I'd be pretty pissed off. But hey, what can they do.....

I won't go against and say be honest. You will be jeopardising with their child care arrangements. You know it matters to your employer to have long term commitment and you are knowingly deciding to hide the information that you will have to leave in few months. Be honest not selfish .. Work ethics!!!.

I wanted a long term nanny but the one liked was honest and told me that she may have to leave after 5 months and I was ok with it. She is now working for me.

It's two years before you get employment protection and can't be fired for any reason, not 16 weeks.

That said, I don't know if I'd tell them. You deserve to be able to work, and they clearly like you enough to offer you the job. But it will affect them that you leave soon after starting. Hmm.

You have no obligation to inform them until some time into your pregnancy (24 weeks?).

I wouldn't feel bad about this, there really is no need to.

They were wrong to ask you if you planning more children, not only is it illegal but it was also unfair to put you on the spot like that.

Are you planning on returning to work after maternity leave? If so this could be very much a long term position, making all parties happy.

If they are happy with a nwoc then perhaps you could return to work quite soon?

It is unfair of employer to ask if the prospective applicant is planning more kids (fine make sense)
BUT
It is NOT unfair of the applicant to answer to question on whether they can stay long term with a yes knowing they can't! And still not inform employer when starting the job???

This is so biased and ethically wrong!!!

I can see your worry - I'd so much rather be upfront and hope that they act honourably. Is there any chance you'll go back to it when you have the new baby?

I know it sounds selfish but if a nanny did this to me I'd be fuming. Advertising for somebody going through interview process in the hope you will find somebody to look after your children for a reasonable amount of time. But still it's just one of those things. I think you should tell them because it wouldn't make for good working relationships if you kept it a secret till the last minute. They will need time to find somebody else.

I think you have to be honest. I would be pissed off - nannying is not like working in an office, it is so much more personal and you have to think of the children.

Wonderful news, I have been through IVF, know how hard it is - congrats!!

No I won't be returning after baby. The family have three young children, And weren't keen on nwoc.

What I was referring to with waiting until after probation period is that before they could just tell me to go, no explanation. After this time they'd have to give me 10 weeks notice (as stated in contract) so by waiting till after probation period (I'll be 16 weeks) I'm protecting myself.
I know it's not a nice thing to do to the family and children. But I need to work and look after my own family.
Jobs are scarse in my area. But I fully expect family to be pissed off when they find out, understandably so.

"Not a nice thing"
Quite an understatement

Isn't the usual probationary period six months. I must say I'd be reluctant to leave my DC's with anyone who deceived me in this way. I think you're making a grave mistake under the circumstances especially as you have absolutely no intention of returning to work. You've deceived this person. Not right at all.

I actually thing that's an awful thing to do to the family especially if you are not going back.

I think it would be appalling not to tell them , before you start work ,whatever the law says .It would be (slightly)different if you intended to go back to work very soon after the birth.
They'd have the choice whether to employ you for a few months and start looking quite soon for a replacement .In their shoes I'm afraid I 'd be furious

Up to you. If it was me I would feel a professional responsibility to be honest. You're putting your life (and kids) in front of soneone else's (life and kids) and consequently they're losing out. Seems pretty selfish behaviour to me. If that's your attitude in life, I don't think it'll get you very far in the long run.

Sounds really harsh I know and I don't want to poop on your fantastic news but I'm a strong believer of looking after others and others will look after you. It's not just about number 1 all the time.

As an employer of a nanny if my nanny was open and honest with this fact at the start of her job I wouldnt sack her (yes I'd be annoyed) but i'd appreciate her for not doing what you're proposing instead.

What if OP can't pay her rent or prepare for the baby without a work? Is it OK if the family get rid of her, because she is pregnant? If you are a nanny, you are deprived of any right? I think OP should protect herself as much as possible. The family doesn't have EVERY right over the nanny. Yes, it sucks that they will have to change nanny after 5 months, but it would suck for OP to be jobless because she is pregnant. And it's illegal.

But hey, who cares, she is just a nanny... She isn't working in a office, she owes teh family she works for not to get pregnant for at least three years, right?

The family has been very specific in the interview process, you knew exactly what they were looking for and yet you decided to lie to get the job and now want to put your well-being in front of the well-being of those kids by hiding your pregnancy and that is just wrong. ( I am not even going to talk about the stress you are going to have to go through to hide your pregnancy and we both know stress is the least thing you need when you are pregnant.)

I think you could easily put yourself in their shoes and see why you shouldn't do what you plan on doing. Their kids need someone reliable and those parents need someone they can trust and you are unfortunately not that person. Plus, think about what you are teaching your kids in the process... they'll look back and think that A) it's okay to lie in an interview to get the job B) it's okay to hide stuff from your boss in order to keep the said job C) it's okay to leave a job in a rush and let other people pay for your selfishness (even if that involves kids) because hey, why not ?

Sorry to be harsh but that's what's how I feel about the whole situation. I am glad your ivf was successful and you are now pregnant ( congratulations ! :) ) but don't let your joy and pregnancy ruin things for this family. Be honest with them and maybe they'll decide to keep you but giving them the choice is the very least you can do.

Good luck ! :)

Sorry been a nanny, been a boss, worked with children, worked in schools not manage an office and work with adults. Nannying is like any other job but the parents generally hold all the power. They can get rid of pretty easily and you dare not really say anything because you need the reference, and parents will go back on your history without even speaking to you about it before (had it happen to me many times; yes I was upset complicated story but really out of order; didn't leave badly but I would like to have ask asked them first if ok). When it comes to domestic staff they can pretty much say and do what they like turn up late most of the time and sometimes not even pay you on time if at all. All this has happened to me. I don't believe I was unlucky, its the nature of the beast. This extents to asking you whatever comes into their head during an interview. Being a nanny is a difficult tightrope because you are not family but to the children you are while you are there. My advice to the OP go with whatever you can live with and remember nobody is irreplaceable.

melimelo18, don't think it was a lie, think OP didn't want to get her hopes up. 5 Years is a long time trying and emotionally very difficult, you learn to manage your expectations after a while.

@wewishyou The problem isn't that she is pregnant, I am pretty sure everyone here is happy for her, the problem is that she LIED in an interview process about wanting kids when she was indeed trying to conceive. No, she doesn't deserve to be fired because she is pregnant, but the family doesn't deserve to be put in a delicate situation because of her selfishness either.
She lied, she knew there would be a risk of her being pregnant, she knew that would put her in that situation if she lied and got the job, yet made the choice to do just that. So I think she is at fault and I think she owes the family a call where she explains herself so they have a chance to find somebody reliable.

She is obviously going to stop working after the baby is born so if she can't afford her rent plus her child now, that won't get any better after birth I suppose (her salary can only sustain her for a certain amount of time). It's not because you are in need that you need to screw people over, I am sorry.

I don't intend to be mean or anything cause I can see how OP sees things and I can obviously understand her side and I don't think she is a bad person but at the end of the day she made bad choices who've led her to that uncomfortable decision, now she needs to 'man up' and deal with the consequences of her lies and tell the family she is pregnant.