Starting new nanny job pregnant!

[Seb101]

Hi all,
After some advice.... I have struggled with infertility for years. I recently did another round of ivf. My current nanny job is finishing next month, and I've been job hunting for a while. I went to an interview and have been offered a job. When I went for the interview I was in the middle of my ivf cycle. I was asked at the interview if I intended to have any more children (I already have a 5 year old) I had to lie and say 'no.' I have now accepted job and am due to start in two months time. Two weeks after accepting job I found out my ivf has been successful!!!! I absolutely over the moon happy.
BUT now I am due to start a job pregnant! By start date I'll be 12 weeks!
I can't afford not to work! I went for job believing ivf would fail, as it always has before!
Part of me thinks I should be honest, tell them, and let the
find someone else. But I NEED this job. I feel terrible because the family have cancelled there previous childcare and will be stuck if I let them down. But if I start I will only be able to work about 5 months max, then I'll have to leave. The family made it clear they wanted a long term nanny, and I reassured them I wanted this too.
Any advice? I'm torn between doing what's right for me; start job and leave whenever I need to, and putting family first by telling them and them most probably withdrawing job offer. No contract has bee signed yet.
Help! .......

The Op should also be aware that her protection from maternity related unfair dismissal and redundancy only starts from when her employer knows about her pregnancy. She would therefore actually probably be better off telling soon and relying on this protection than e.g. needing a lot of time off for a difficult pregnancy, being dismissed and having to argue that her employer really did know she was pregnant.

Pp advocating or defending the employer behaving illegally to this woman by saying in effect 'words are cheap' I have been in this situation (not a nanny but someone I was employing personally which would massively impact my life). She hadnt started work yet but had been verbally offered the job. She knew she was in the early weeks of pregnancy when applying. I congratulated her, told her it would all be fine and privately had a tear my hair out/weepy moment. These things happen and if you are an employer, you have to behave professionally and legally.

Cuppa, OP is a working mother trying to do the right thing by her children. I support her and her legal rights.

And if a nanny employer came on, I'd comment on his or her legal position and be sympathetic with their personal feelings.

I think it is quite dishonest of you.

Thanks everyone for your responses.
Just to clarify a few things;
I omitted the truth by not answering an illegal question, this does not make me a liar. I stand firm that I had every right to answer this question the way I did.
I said I was looking for a long term job; this wasn't a lie, I was. I wasn't pregnant, and I didn't for one minute think I would be. Anyone who has been through 5 painful years of infertility will understand this.If I hadn't fallen pregnant I would have stayed long term.
I feel scared to death of telling them now; I'm only just 5 weeks pregnant. I
Could miscarry at any moment. I miscarried before. Then I'd have lost my baby and my job!
I think some people are being a little judgemental. Most people would put the needs of their own family above another family if needs must. Anyone who says otherwise I simply don't believe.
I need to work during this pregnancy, if I don't we won't be able to pay our rent. So this is a finiancial necessity. If I'm honest and lose this job, what hope do I have of finding another.
For those who are suggesting I'm a terrible untrustworthy nanny.... I'm not. I've nannied for nearly 20 years. Have amazing references. I do a good job and provide top notch care. I love and care for the children I look
After like my own. I am trustworthy. I did what I had to do to get a job. It was my right to keep my private life private. It's none of anyone's business if I want more children.
Finally I guess my 'look after number one attitude' comes from being let down by employers before. I once waited 3 months for a job to start,, only for family to call me 1 week before start date to say they'd changed there mind, mum wasn't returning to work anymore. Annoying; yes, but it was her right to do what was right for her. She put her family first understandably. What I'm trying to say is this situation hasn't been made because I'm a bad person with no work ethics. Really I'm trying to think of a solution that is fair to us both, just can't think of one yet!
As for the advice of 'treat people how you'd like to be treated' ; HOW? What's the solution. If I tell them now, they'll find someone else. I need this job. I don't think there is a 'nice' solution. One of us is gonna come off badly.
I'm still considering my options anyway. I may tell them.

I'm too honest and would have to be upfront with my new employer. If they were not reasonable about it then they probably wouldn't have been the type of family that I would have wanted to work for.
I have taken what I was told was a long term nanny position that only lasted 6 months. I later found out that the Mum had only intended to work for long enough that she didn't have to pay back her enhanced maternity benefits. A friend of mine took a job and 4 months later was told that Mum was pregnant, would be going on maternity leave in 6 weeks and that they wouldn't be keeping her on while Mum was off - Mum had known she was pregnant when she hired the nanny but didn't tell my friend because she knew she was looking for a long term position after a period of doing temp work.

*and guessed that she would probably not take the job if she had known.

Your relationship with your employer depends on mutual trust. You didn't fall pregnant by accident, it was planned. Frankly saying you need the money because you need to pay your rent makes no sense if you are not returning to work after maternity.

You planned your finances well enough to have saved for multiple treatments, how does it suddenly become a sob story of you needing to work for a few more months and screw over another family? Surely you must have planned your finances for a "positive" result too.

I can see your point and I think you're right, in reality if most of us stood to lose our jobs on declaring a pregnancy most would leave it until the last minute. Ideally you'd tell them and they'd let you do exactly what you wanted but I can see that's a pretty unlikely outcome.

nbee84 that was my point too and I think those employers are equally in the wrong as a nanny not disclosing prior to starting work.

But I am a bit militant about treating people fairly and expecting the best from them in return.

Umi, given OP is still at current job, I assume she has fairly recently been given notice by that family - not everything is planned by her.

And this family have says they don't want a NWOC, it may not be OP's choice not to continue working for them after ML.

Your post is very nasty.

Umizomi
I'm stunned by the nastiness of your post. It's not a sob story thank you very much. I said I'm not returning to nannying after the birth of my baby. My husband will hopefully be taking An extra contract in a year time, so the financial strain will ease then. But we need to survive in the mean time!
And no we didn't plan financially for a positive. Cant imagine many ivf couple do. They just long for a baby, We have spent close to £20.000 on our journey for another child. We are stint, we have nothing left. But it was worth every penny. I'd give everything and anything for a baby. I do hope your not suggesting that I shouldn't be having a baby if we're not financially comfortable. Because seriously that is not an argument I want to get into. Do you have any idea what I've been through to get to this stage!!

Asking you whether you planned more children as part of the interview process was probably discriminatory. Terminating your employment because you are pregnant would
Also be discriminatory. There are laws that protect you and provide guidance to employers on how to behave. Tell them when you need to and not before.
I'm surprised that you are not getting more support on this forum that tends to be left leaning and pro-feminism tbh.

As the OP hasn't disclosed that she is pregnant, the laws don't protect her. How can they fire her for being pregnant if they don't know - if they do find out, they could just terminate her contract for A.N. other reason with no comeback.

It is in the OPs best interests from a LEGAL standpoint to let them know ASAP, before they find out from somewhere else and find another way to get rid... If they know, they have no comeback

Not at all, AuntieDee. They may well terminate in probation and take the chance OP won't sue, which she won't.

Many employees don't tell existing employers until after the 12 week scan or longer than that - they judge for themselves that they aren't running health and safety risks and continue as usual.

My main concern would be how they'll treat you when you do tell them you're pregnant to be honest. If they asked you that question at interview - well I'd have reservations about them as potential employers anyway.

I think working in the home of someone who was pissed off with me for being pregnant would be very very hard - I hope you will be able to deal with them and that they act reasonably.

If they've given notice to their current childcare providers - even having you for 6 months gives them ample time to find another nanny surely?

So, after that ramble - I'd wait until after your 12 week scan and then tell them.

Congratulations!

I have to say if I was the employer I would appreciate being told sooner rather than later so I can congratulate and look for a replacement, but the question I have as a result is given that an employer cannot ask about your return to work, would they have to look for a cover rather than a new nanny?

I have to say whilst a pregnant nanny would not worry me too much, the uncertainty about the cover would.

I'm absolutely astounded by anyone suggesting OP is being selfish. I also think that the family, by asking if she was planning any more children, apart from it being illegal and discriminatory, set themselves up. If you put someone on the spot like that, you are only going to hear the answer you want to hear - how many potential nannies are going to reply honestly "yes, lots more!" and expect to get a job offer?
Anything can happen to any employee of any job - unplanned pregnancy, unplanned reason to terminate employment, better job offer from elsewhere, etc. Just because she is a nanny makes no difference, it's a paid job like any other and that comes with being an employer or employee regardless of occupation.
Congratulations OP on your pregnancy

OP. please dont worry at all about the job right now or take on board any of the nasty comments. You are still at an incredibly delicate stage. Focus on yourself and your baby and relax.
Yes it will be tough for the family, but this is life.
The rest can be sorted out later. Congratulations.

I still think it's very deceitful. The OP has hoodwinked this woman into thinking she has found a suitable long term person to care for her DC's whilst all the time the OP knows the employment will only last a few short months. Pretty bad I think under the circumstances whatever the legal rules are.

Seb101 you have done nothing morally or legally wrong in my book. It also wouldn't make a difference if you had already been pregnant when being interviewed, your employer asked an immoral, illegal question. Please don't give this any more thought. Be happy, take really good care of yourself and ignore the daft posters (seemingly stuck in the 1950s). You are a mummy to Avery small person, put them first and don't allow this to stress you out.

It's very deceitful. You misled them in a role that very much relies on trust.

If you aren't going back to work after you obviously don't need the salary so be honest with them now and let them have the chance to find somebody who wants a long term job. They want the best for their chidlren, not a new person every few months.

You know what, I wouldn't tell them. Why should you? You still don't know what's going to happen with this pregnancy so I'd plan for the worst and hope for the best tbh.

I think you are right to be worried. I wouldn't trust their grasp of employment law based on the fact they asked such a cheeky question at interview. Many people would have said no if put on the spot like that. I think you need to know what their reaction is going to be before you start though. I bet they have no idea how maternity leave/rules work. I seriously wouldn't trust them and I am not sure going to work fir them is necessarily protecting your interests. If it's only five months can you get some other work elsewhere?

FGS, OP hasn't been 'very deceitful', neither has she 'hoodwinked' anyone.

Her circumstances have changed since she was interviewed, during which interview she was asked a question which contravenes employment law.

It happens. Part of the hassle of employing someone. Mat leave is often a headache for small businesses, but no-one forced the family involved to employ a nanny, with all the potential headaches that involves.

Good luck with your pregnancy, OP.