Starting new nanny job pregnant!

[Seb101]

Hi all,
After some advice.... I have struggled with infertility for years. I recently did another round of ivf. My current nanny job is finishing next month, and I've been job hunting for a while. I went to an interview and have been offered a job. When I went for the interview I was in the middle of my ivf cycle. I was asked at the interview if I intended to have any more children (I already have a 5 year old) I had to lie and say 'no.' I have now accepted job and am due to start in two months time. Two weeks after accepting job I found out my ivf has been successful!!!! I absolutely over the moon happy.
BUT now I am due to start a job pregnant! By start date I'll be 12 weeks!
I can't afford not to work! I went for job believing ivf would fail, as it always has before!
Part of me thinks I should be honest, tell them, and let the
find someone else. But I NEED this job. I feel terrible because the family have cancelled there previous childcare and will be stuck if I let them down. But if I start I will only be able to work about 5 months max, then I'll have to leave. The family made it clear they wanted a long term nanny, and I reassured them I wanted this too.
Any advice? I'm torn between doing what's right for me; start job and leave whenever I need to, and putting family first by telling them and them most probably withdrawing job offer. No contract has bee signed yet.
Help! .......

How small does the company have to be before employment law ceases to apply in your view, nameless? I once worked for a five person company, how about that?

If op was my nanny I would prefer to know as soon as possible to do risk assessments and start planning for maternity cover.

I would not expect her to say anything until 12 weeks, but if she is ill with morning sickness or struggling to carry a heavy toddler or something, I would like to know do I can make what adjustments are necessary.

I wouldn't ask the question in the op, but have been asked it myself the last 2 times I applied for jobs. Both in very large organisations with legal and HR depts.

Wow how harsh many of you are. Tough crowd here. Feeling sorry for OP. She is only just pregnant. I would forget it and wait to see how the first weeks go before opening my mouth. There is a reason why generally we wait until the first scan before mentioning it. Anyone could be forgiven to keeping it quiet. OP I am sure all will be fine but totally get where you are coming from. Take each day as it comes and good luck

Don't tell them yet.
They knew full well that it was illegal to ask. You did the right thing to lie, because that stopped them from compounding the illegality by failing to give the job to the best candidate on discriminatory grounds.

No-one can predict the future, and they can't protect themselves from life events happening to employees. They could appoint someone with no intention of procreating who then decided after five months that they had to give up work to care for an elderly parent with dementia, or might get pregnant entirely by accident, or might just decide they don't like the family that much and want to move on. Things happen. They need to deal with it, not try to prevent one possible scenario from the dozens that could make it a short employment by asking illegal questions at interview.

Keep quiet for now. Tell them when you can no longer hide it but keep quiet as long as possible. When you do tell them, keep quiet about the ivf and claim it was a total surprise and you didn't know at interview. You don't owe them any apology for this.

The OP isn't a victim here just because she's the employee.
If I went for a job and sold myself as x, y, and z and I was actually none of those things but had negative traits, I've wrongly advertised myself. Forget the fact that she's pregnant. I'm talking about traits like honesty, trustworthiness, high morals, considerate.
If I bought a 42 inch TV and got a 26 inch TV I would feel very short changed, want my money back and would take my custom else where.
There are more grounds to be fired on than just pregnancy. If at least you're honest about it - they probably won't fire you and be considerate to your condition and needs. Alternatively continue lying, have your family despise you and let them find other grounds to end your contract at 25 weeks- yes you'll get your so desired 6 weeks statutory maternity leave but then be left without a job from then till 36 weeks or whenever you were hoping to end. Honesty is always the best policy (in my opinion).

The law is in OP's side here. At the moment, she has been offered a job which she is capable of doing.

If I was,in her employer's situation, I wouldn't be over the moon to find out that my new nanny was pg and not planning to return to work, but that's one of the hassles of being an employer, I'm afraid.

Limpet

Given she's not starting for two months, far more likely they will find someone else, don't you think? They've already indicated they have no moral high ground by asking the question. Quite why you think the OP owes them "better" behaviour then they have showed her, I don't know.

The law is in OP's side here. At the moment, she has been offered a job which she is capable of doing.

If I was,in her employer's situation, I wouldn't be over the moon to find out that my new nanny was pg and not planning to return to work, but that's one of the hassles of being an employer, I'm afraid.

Yup, Christina. Exactly.

Oh and limpet? OP will not get 90% pay for six weeks, if that is what you are referring to. She won't be eligible for SMP, just MA.

I'm staggered that so many people think it's morally ok to get a job by being deceitful.

She's not just stacking shelves at Tesco. She'll be establishing a relationship with a family. The parents and DCs may get fond of her, may come to trust her. Then find out she's lied.

They have to search again for a trustworthy person to care for their children having been badly let down.

Legal it may be but morally it's horrible to mess a family around like this.

Morally it's horrible for the family to have asked her the question.

And legally as well.

So even by your reckoning, they are more in the wrong.

If the family want to avoid employer risks, they need to avoid being an employer.

She wasn't deceitful though, she was caught off guard when asked an unlawful and personal question. I like to think that, in the same situation I would have said "I'm not answering that." - If I'd been quick enough. The family would probably then not have employed her. There desire for a long-term employee does not trump her employment rights. I would keep quiet OP, it is very early days and not tell them until you have to. What's the alternative here? OP has no job and a baby on the way and the family have no nanny. Agree with Laurie.

So no sympathy for the other mother at all?

I don't agree that they are more in the wrong, as it happens. They trusted her to tell the truth. They told her the job was long term. The only person who knows it can't be lied about it.

What's the alternative here? OP has no job and a baby on the way and the family have no nanny.

Which was the status quo when OP interviewed for the job. She's let them believe that they now have a solution.

She isn't starting for two months. The moral thing to do would be to let them have that time to find someone else. Not leave them in the shit, starting from scratch.

Not an admirable thing to do. What about the children who'll get attached to nanny only for her to up sticks after a few months? Not to mention the hassle the parents face having to find a new nanny.

Incorrect, mythical. She didn't know it couldn't be long term - she wasn't pregnant when the question was asked and she wasn't expecting the IVF to work. And the question wasn't "we would like this to be a long term position, is that what you are looking for?" which would almost certainly not have been a discriminatory question.

Yes, I have sympathy for the other parents, I'd have sympathy if their nanny left after a short time to eg look after a sick relative too. But that doesn't give them any additional rights to another employer.

Plus - it's very early days for the OP, I wish her well in her pregnancy but most people wait until 12 weeks or later to say something. Are they also liars if they work for a small business?

I'd have to be honest personally.

The difference is that leaving after a short time to deal with a family emergency is unavoidable. Starting a job knowing you are going to drop them in it is avoidable.

It's not something I could do, no matter how legal.

You don't start for two months. In that time they could find someone long term.

OP, here's the rules on MA eligibility, hopefully your current job will qualify you for this:
www.gov.uk/maternity-allowance/eligibility

If you send your child to nursery, their key worker may be pregnant when they start. Ditto CM. The majority of childcare workers Are women of childbearing age, I'm pretty sure. It's a wonder more of them aren't men if this is a problem for so many parents.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I do however think that it's wrong to start your Nanny job knowing you will not be there longer than 5 months for whatever reason. Plus with 3 children to look after you mght not be able to give your job the energy and commitment needed in the latter stages of pregnancy.
I understand why you didn't want to tell them abut IVF and they shouldn't have asked but you shouldn't have lied, you could have said you didn't know whether you would be having more children. Also, the fact they mentioned it suggests it WILL be an issue for them.
The right thing for you to do is tell them and offer to provide cover while they look for a long term Nanny. Your employer is going to be pretty pissed off and if they don't find a way to get rid of you ASAP it's going to be an awkward 5 months.

OP I wouldn't tell them until you legally have to. They have shown they are not above ignoring employment law.
She had to lie or be discriminated against because she wanted to have children at some point in the future. The employers have no right to that information about her.
Should all employers be allowed to discriminate against women of childbearing age unless they promise they don't want any more children?

If a potential employer asks your sexual orientation, should you answer without lying?

A knickerfullofmenace

Forget the fact they asked her if she was planning more kids. I agree, they shouldn't have. BUT do nannies not have moral and professional obligation to their employers and kids they are looking after. Maybe not, but in that case, don't expect the profession to be highly regarded and give nannies a sense of pride in their work. Let them be treated as they treat others. I guess you get cowboy builders who do shoddy work and similarly if you want nannies to be tarred with the same brush then carry on promoting this type of behaviour.

Take pride in whatever you do, treat people with the respect you would want and then you will get the same back.

In all honesty, if I was the nannies employer in this situation, I would sit down and say thanks for your honesty. You can still have the job. Let me know in advance what your plans are, appointments are etc so I can organise cover. It's not ideal the situation you'll be leaving us in but the fact that you've been honest and not deceived me says to me a lot more about your character and I'd be happy for my kids to be looked after you before you go off.

And yes - I am being honest.
However, if you were to be deceitful and not tell me 25 weeks - I would probably suspect by about 16 weeks anyway. I'll then be very hostile to you and on finding out you are pregnant find out what I can do within the law to dismiss you.
That's the honest truth. I am a strong believer of honesty is the best policy. Treat others as you want to be treated.