Starting new nanny job pregnant!

[Seb101]

Hi all,
After some advice.... I have struggled with infertility for years. I recently did another round of ivf. My current nanny job is finishing next month, and I've been job hunting for a while. I went to an interview and have been offered a job. When I went for the interview I was in the middle of my ivf cycle. I was asked at the interview if I intended to have any more children (I already have a 5 year old) I had to lie and say 'no.' I have now accepted job and am due to start in two months time. Two weeks after accepting job I found out my ivf has been successful!!!! I absolutely over the moon happy.
BUT now I am due to start a job pregnant! By start date I'll be 12 weeks!
I can't afford not to work! I went for job believing ivf would fail, as it always has before!
Part of me thinks I should be honest, tell them, and let the
find someone else. But I NEED this job. I feel terrible because the family have cancelled there previous childcare and will be stuck if I let them down. But if I start I will only be able to work about 5 months max, then I'll have to leave. The family made it clear they wanted a long term nanny, and I reassured them I wanted this too.
Any advice? I'm torn between doing what's right for me; start job and leave whenever I need to, and putting family first by telling them and them most probably withdrawing job offer. No contract has bee signed yet.
Help! .......

Tbh happy I would give far more weight to a reference from her last family than to somewhere she worked a few months. If someone said "she lied in the interview about planning children" i would discount their views entirely. Because they'd been massive twats for asking.

The trouble is you never know what they might say. People get funny, as this thread shows, about their nanny choosing to do something else. My last job the father in the family stopped speaking to me and called me names to his wife (loud enough for me to hear) because I chose to do another job. I had given then 2 months notice and had said all along (in the interview) when my degree was finished I would find another type of work. another job, which I had left on good terms, didn't pay me my last months salary. As I say we have very little personal protection in this line of work.

"secondly, as she will have worked less than a year, regardless she'll get a weeks notice including redundancy."

Am I totally dreaming or this is untrue? If the contract says X weeks' notice from both parts, it is x weeks notice, not 1.

Happy chappy, we have protection, like in every job. They didn;t have the right not to pay you (just as the dad didn't have the right to bully you). Had you sue them, they would have had to pay. You chose not to, that is another problem (and your absolute right). But don't tell other nannie sthat they don't have rights and that if the family they work for is acting against the law, they have no option.

Happy, they shouldn't really make her redundant unless they are using an alternative childcare solution. OP has said she's unlikely to go back to work so hopefully the reference won't be a huge issue.

we wish how many times have you seen and heard of things that shouldn't be done, done when it comes to employing or not employing nannies. I didn't say they don't have rights however standing up for rights and suing an ex employer make it troublesome to ensure the laws are followed to the letter, as I am sure many nannies have seen.

Well if they fire you for being pregnant (or just after learning that you are pregnant), don't pay the taxes or don't pay your last salary, employers are not that hard to sue... Have you tried at least to have your right respected??

You have to pay tribunal fees etc wewish - most people would leave it, I think.

most people do leave it for those exact reasons. i did get paid in the end, but only because the mother knew i knew all her friends so a gentle reminder i needed to be paid and how that I had seen her child at such and such a place was enough. The other job I left and was glad to be leaving, he was a very difficult person and it was a difficult house to spend 50plus with.

They were wrong to ask you, but I imagine they did so as they want consistent care for their children. They should have asked if there was any reason you could not commit to the role for the long term and explained what they were looking for in these terms.

You do have employee rights like anyone else, but being someone's nanny is not like any other job, chopping and changing nanny's can impact on the children's wellbeing, they are not a faceless corporation and the relationship with both parents and children is all about trust. In my opinion it can't work if you aren't open and honest with each other. It also comes across that you have put your own interests above those of the children, which doesn't sit right somehow. Albeit that you are perfectly entitled to do it.

In any case you may have to tell them sooner if your pregnancy means you need to make adjustments to the role, eg can't lift buggy or children etc. Your employer can only do an appropriate risk assessment once you have told them.

Congrats and good luck.

The majority, ie more than half of the workers in the UK do not work for a "faceless corporation" - they work for small or medium sized businesses.

If nanny work is work like no other, why isn't that recognised in employment law? When does it stop? What about childminders, crèche workers, nursery workers, teachers? Are they also expected to abase themselves and their own families in respect of others?

childminders are self employed so are rarely dependent on one employerand can better pick and choose they terms and conditions. Other workers work for an organisation and therefore they would have procedures in place for this. Nannies fails through the gap, they can't be employed by companies very easily, they can't be self employed. This means they are less able to control the terms they can work under, and protect themselves.

Yy happy, I was objecting to the PP's notion that nannies had some moral duty.

What about social workers? Care workers? They often build direct and important care relationships. Are they also supposed to put clients above their own family needs?

I mean, it's not surprising that all these professions are so male dominated, given that avoids these issues.

Oh wait..

I agree nannies should be treated as employees and afforded same rights as other workers. Family should not have asked re future children.
But if you look at nanny agency recruitment forms, many ask for married status, children , number of nieces and nephews , even parents contact details, so easy for nanny employer to be confused.

OP congratulations on your pregnancy. I wonder how stressful concealing pregnancy will be for you? And if you tell family later it will definitely be very stressful. I think you should tell them the truth as in long run will be less stressful. Could you get temporary work as a nursery temp in meantime ?

www.hattiesnannies.co.uk/pdfs/nannyapp.pdf
This one even wants your parents occupation ??

every interview Ive ever had in nannying

what will you do with your children
tell me about your family
how will you cope with the long hours and having a family
Is your family complete
What will you do when your children are unwell

When my husband was at home I was turned down for jobs because apparently my children still posed a problem.
Equality my a**e
Some agencies wouldn't even take me on because I have TEENAGE children with no expectation that the children would come with me to work. It had no impact on my job or my ability to do the job YET!

And now I am older (45)not that I work in the field any more

how will cope with the long hours
hows your health
can you keep up with the children

Really!

Agree totally with AKnickerfulOfMenace", LaurieFairyCake* and other posters of the same view. I am open-mouthed with wonder at the opposing viewpoints on this thread.

Of course the OP has the same rights as any other employee to begin a job while pregnant or planning to get pregnant or to get pregnant while working! She has no obligation to share such information until she wishes to do so. Women have fought long and hard for the right not to be discriminated against for their fertility and to suggest any "obligation" to do otherwise is to try to turn the clock backwards.

Those criticising the OP for her reluctance to keep completely private information to herself, and instead think of her employer, are doing so on the basis that a nannying job is different as it involves the care and wellbeing of children. It is being argued that, as leaving the job after five months may be detrimental to the children, she should sacrifice her legal rights and personal interests. This is nonsense, completely unfair and biased totally towards nanny employers rather than nannies. If parents make the decision to place their children's care in the hands of one individual - as opposed to a nursery - then they automatically assume the risk that goes with it of that person leaving unexpectedly for any reason. If parents want to guarantee the stability of long-term care, they must choose one of the other childcare options - use a nursery or provide it themselves.

Very well said Bettercallsaul!

Need a MN "like" button for Bettercallsaul1

Jumping in to say "hear hear" bettercallsaul. Fantastic post.
These are the facts:
Employer asked if OP planned more kids at interview. This is illegal. Direct sex discrimination and contrary to Equality Act.
OP now has the job. If her employer fires her when s/he discovers the pregnancy that is Automatic Unfair Dismissal. You don't need 2 years' service in these circumstances before you can take an employer to tribunal.

The reality is that 99% of employees don't realise this and crappy employers who think the law doesn't apply to them, or don't research their responsibilities properly, get away with this kind of behaviour. Grr.

OP I hope things work out for you

Wheres my like button please

Confused, I think you are right in that most nanny employers don't think they are really employers, in some non specified way!

Hear hear Bettercallsaul1 - I am flabbergasted at this thread.

OP - I am a nanny employer, with a NWOC nanny who has just told me that she is pregnant with her second child. I have also been exactly in your shoes [though not employed as a nanny] and it was an awkward spot to be in both financially and from a relationship perspective with my employer.

Couple of observations:
It was an illegal question [illegal for a good reason] and you were quite right not to be honest aside from the fact that you were not even pregnant.
As an employer - I'd prefer my children had long term care but even to a child it is blindingly obvious that they are not being personally rejected by a nanny leaving to have a baby FFS. You can visit and maintain a relationship with the children if the parents are amenable and a child has formed a particular attachment.
You will only be eligible for MA and not 6 weeks at 90% plus SSP/MA. That's a killer - have you left your current role because if it's an option to stay, you should consider it so you get full benefits?

If you were my nanny this is what I would appreciate:
#Please tell me after your scan when you have had confirmation that your pregnancy is viable and number of babies. I don't need to spend the next few weeks stressing about a whole set of variables I have no control over.
#Please tell me sooner rather than later. Don't wait until it is blindingly obvious. I agree with posters that you will lose their trust, but it potentially puts you at risk. You will need time off for antenatal appointments and it is much easier to plan those in, than have a nanny call in sick just to hide a routine medical appointment at an awkward time.
#Please establish what your rights are and understand them so I don't have to explain everything to you.
#Please don't be a martyr - In the most selfish way possible I don't want you to put my children at risk by working past a sensible date or undertaking tasks you are not physically up to on a given day.
#Please undertake to give me a heads up by your 20th week at the latest, when you would like to finish up.
#Be flexible about your annual leave this year if you can with a 5 yr old. Chances are, I will be using/saving mine to ensure a smooth handover or cover any maternity related illnesses.
#Be honest if you are coming into work when feeling like shite. We've all been there and I'll be more tolerant of the odd "sofa" day rather than being left in the lurch by you calling in sick.
#Make me a proposal about continuing as a NWOC and when you could start back. Outline the practical side of things and what salary reduction if any you would consider. Specifically outline what your own emergency childcare arrangements would be if your child were too ill to take to work. I might actually consider it but I'd want you to work through the practicalities of school runs, holidays etc etc.
#Don't pretend that you intend to return if you don't as it will prevent a new nanny from building a long-term relationship with my children and they will quite sensibly spend their time looking for the perfect job with no end date to pop up.
#Remember that you will still have continuous service while on Maternity leave so your notice period will probably be longer if you return. So don't pretend you are coming back, just to collect paid holiday accrued and then resign asap. Even if it's legal THAT is immoral in my eyes and I would make you work your full notice period leaving you to find your own childcare for 3 months or so.

Otherwise - great news and huge congrats OP . I hope the scan goes well, that there's only one baby in there and the parents are reasonable.

If it's any consolation. I know a couple who employed a nanny who told them up front at interview that she was actively TTC but was not currently pregnant. They had quite specific needs and she was the best person for the job and so she was employed nonetheless. She's pregnant now too and while they, like me could do without the hassle of finding a new nanny/childcare solution all of us are fairly philosophical about it.