Starting new nanny job pregnant!

[Seb101]

Hi all,
After some advice.... I have struggled with infertility for years. I recently did another round of ivf. My current nanny job is finishing next month, and I've been job hunting for a while. I went to an interview and have been offered a job. When I went for the interview I was in the middle of my ivf cycle. I was asked at the interview if I intended to have any more children (I already have a 5 year old) I had to lie and say 'no.' I have now accepted job and am due to start in two months time. Two weeks after accepting job I found out my ivf has been successful!!!! I absolutely over the moon happy.
BUT now I am due to start a job pregnant! By start date I'll be 12 weeks!
I can't afford not to work! I went for job believing ivf would fail, as it always has before!
Part of me thinks I should be honest, tell them, and let the
find someone else. But I NEED this job. I feel terrible because the family have cancelled there previous childcare and will be stuck if I let them down. But if I start I will only be able to work about 5 months max, then I'll have to leave. The family made it clear they wanted a long term nanny, and I reassured them I wanted this too.
Any advice? I'm torn between doing what's right for me; start job and leave whenever I need to, and putting family first by telling them and them most probably withdrawing job offer. No contract has bee signed yet.
Help! .......

Yy Christina.

Very nasty posts from firefly and Vivienne. Firefly, OP made it clear she was hoping her DH would get another contract to cover the shortfall after her maternity. And so what if she can afford to work or not work? Maybe one of the parents in the family could afford to stop work - they choose not to, as they are perfectly entitled to.

The OP herself has reservations about what she should do. Otherwise there would be no question. She should not deceive her employer into thinking she will be contributing towards a stable environment for the children. It's awful.

This thread has made me very and

Thank Christ we do have employment laws in this country.

The nasty posts here I find really disgusting. It is not OK to ask a prospective employee if they're planning on having (more) children. Doesn't matter what the job is.

It's not OK to call a pregnant woman deceitful for not fully disclosing her infertility issues at an interview. Ditto if she's in the early stages of pregnancy.

Utterly vile, misogynistic behaviour from some of you.

OP I wish you the very best whatever you decide wrt this job, and also an easy pregnancy - many congratulations on that, you must be utterly thrilled. Don't let the killjoys on here get to you.

I don't think I've seen you on a thread where I agreed with your position, Vivienne, so it's no surprise the same is true here.

I apologise if my post came across as nasty OP. I failed to see what an extremely sensitive subject it is for you, and was thinking about it logically that you must have provisions in place for maternity leave, as I genuinely haven't come across anyone who didn't think about financial impact of maternity leave when planning for a baby. But as you've pointed out, it's different when Ivf is involved. And no, I wasn't insinuating the other stuff you mentioned.

Op you don't have to justify yourself. You have done nothing wrong.

I am truly astounded at how nasty some other mothers are.

I wish you the best with this pregnancy.

It would be very rare to tell an employer about a pregnancy before 12 weeks anyway. Those suggesting you should now are bonkers.

I hope the job works out.

congratulations OP

I'm sure your new family are very lucky to have you

Congrats and legally they are now allowed to ask you at interviews if you are planning on having more children

Not

Sorry. Phone is playing up. Wrote a reply and vanished

And legally you don't need to tell them yet. You are in a tricky position. One I totally understand as was in your position

Went for an interview (didn't like the family) so when she asked me if I was intending to have children I told her she was not allowed to ask me that - but I would answer her Q and that I had no plans for children in the future

But I was also going through ivf and knew if successful then I n a month of would have been preg and job starting 2 mths later - so in same position as you

Unless someone has gone through ivf you have no idea how hard and emotional it is - let alone paying for something that may not happen - so why risk losing a job on the case that you may not even be preg

The family could have offered the job to a nanny and the following night she could have fallen preg naturally by accident

The one thing I have learnt over the past 10yrs. You can't always plan when you get preg and if I wasn't going to accept a job as May be preg then that would rule out many jobs for many people

Seb isn't refusing to go back to work - the family have 3 children and don't want a nwoc - their choice and when have 3 children I can understand why they may say that

Long term is Another thing - parents mat say it but doesn't always happen

years ago I started a job and mum said she def didn't want to be a sahm - 2mths later she quit - I lost my job

Friend starts new job late last year and found out laT week DB has a promotion and they are off to the middle East - they wanted a nanny for 5yrs and will have one for just over 5mths

In the end nannies have to rhink of theirselves just like every other woman would in their job

Yy blondes.9

It's making a big assumption that anyone not in agreement with keeping the pregnancy secret does not understand the scenario. I personally think I do... thirty five years ago I was undergoing fertility treatment when applying for nursing jobs then just after getting one i got preggers but miscarried. . Roll on few years had one dc and not expecting to get preg again go back to work only to catch within months and threaten me again and be on sick leave all pregnancy. My middle dd has also just been through ivf so sure am aware of all the ramifications. My dd made sure that if she could not work during pregnancy financially they would manage... surely no one should go through ivf knowing that there would be a huge pressure to keep working causing additional stress during a very precious pregnancy.

If you know you are pregnant before you sign the contract... because it's the contract that gives you the legal protection... could it be argued by your new employer that you changed the terms of the verbal offer and acceptance in that you agreed long term was what you wanted too but you knew that had to change before contract signed. All personal opinions aside this is a genuine question to consider. As she could quite possibly try to take you on in this and counter any claim by you that you did not know you were preggers.... everyone that has ever undertaken fertility treatment knows to the hour when they are late !!! And these days tests know even before you are late..

You can't guarantee she won't find out about treatment... she might be on here ...

OP the law is on your side. You did nothing wrong. You have a duty to yourself and your child first. They shouldn't have asked you about your plans for children in the interview. I was treated appallingly in my job when I disclosed my pregnancy with many intruding questions into my fertility, pregnancy and what not. And this is a huge organisation.

I would never again divulge more than the law requires me too in the specific time frames allocated by law. Can't beleive employers behave like this.

Wow this thread is depressing (apart from the news of your pregnancy op which is fantastic! .
Massive double standards here I suspect - any other job and all the negative posters would be informing you of your rights.
I've been through ivf and if I'd have put my life on hold over the three years/ three cycles it took to have my amazing ds I would be two promotions behind and missed many other opportunities. I'm an asset to my company and truly believe that they gained from having been supportive of me.
The sad reality of ivf is that it is far more likely not to work than to work and at the time of the interview the op didn't know she was pregnant - she didn't deceive any one.
What is op supposed to do? Put on hold looking for a job just in case?
Don't tell them until you're ready op - they clearly have no regard for employment law as shown by their interview qus.

Some of the emotive language that's been used on this thread has left me open-mouthed. Truly astonishing; I hadn't realised that employing a nanny entitled the employer to all these additional layers of moral and ethical obligation.

"could it be argued by your new employer that you changed the terms of the verbal offer and acceptance in that you agreed long term was what you wanted too but you knew that had to change before contract signed. "

No, this has zero legal standing as an argument.

And can I point out yet again that OP wasn't asked if she was looking for a long term job, she was asked if she was planning any more children.

Thank god for employment law and posters that know it.

Op congratulations on your pregnancy, you have done nothing wrong! They had no business asking! Tell them when.you feel ready to. It's unfortunate for them but unless you only employ men and women not of childbearing age (which is illegal) then staff getting pregnant is always a possibility.

You never know maybe you will be the perfect match and they would be happy for you to go back to work after maternity and take baby with you (if you wanted to).

Good luck, I hope you have a smooth and healthy pregnancy.

Oh Btw the idea you would ensure you are in a financial position NOT to work during ivf and pregnancy is fucking laughable, and not possible for the majority.

Someone should test this and change the job on an aibu and see what the difference is. I think we all KNOW what the difference will be.

This thread has confirmed all the reasons I left nannying were right and so glad to be doing something else. I miss the kids but I always do, spending so much time with an individual child or group of children, you get very attached to them. Unfortunately they are not my children and that makes nannying a really hard balancing act.

Happy, I've seen women in various jobs who were starting a new role or a promotion pregnant be criticised on here, sadly.

weve come such a long way in some ways but really sometimes we are our own worst enemies.
I feel so lucky to work in a mostly women office but we are so supportive of each other. I know at some point I will have to find an other job, probably soon, but I really don't want to leave the special supportive place I have found myself in

So they asked if you were intending more children which surely is illegal. And only asked to rule you out if you did want more children. I would wait until you are at least twelve weeks (out of "danger period") and then tell them.

Say you gave the only answer anyone could give to that question at the time if they wanted to be in with a chance of the job.

The employer is in the wrong here IMO. What would she/he have said if asked that question by their own company......

IMO what the law says is kind of irrelevant for 2 reasons.

firstly; if they get rid of her and give her a bad reference she is in trouble, This is a big problem for nannies. Look back through the threads how much weight is put on references for nannies,

secondly, as she will have worked less than a year, regardless she'll get a weeks notice including redundancy.

The trouble comes back to the basic problem, nannies are very unprotected as we are forced to be employees, cannot be self employed and work for one employer without a whole host of trouble. This means we lack control of the work we do and the circumstances in which we work. This is not the case for childminders, who are able to be self employed. The problem is the bigger picture