Starting new nanny job pregnant!

[Seb101]

Hi all,
After some advice.... I have struggled with infertility for years. I recently did another round of ivf. My current nanny job is finishing next month, and I've been job hunting for a while. I went to an interview and have been offered a job. When I went for the interview I was in the middle of my ivf cycle. I was asked at the interview if I intended to have any more children (I already have a 5 year old) I had to lie and say 'no.' I have now accepted job and am due to start in two months time. Two weeks after accepting job I found out my ivf has been successful!!!! I absolutely over the moon happy.
BUT now I am due to start a job pregnant! By start date I'll be 12 weeks!
I can't afford not to work! I went for job believing ivf would fail, as it always has before!
Part of me thinks I should be honest, tell them, and let the
find someone else. But I NEED this job. I feel terrible because the family have cancelled there previous childcare and will be stuck if I let them down. But if I start I will only be able to work about 5 months max, then I'll have to leave. The family made it clear they wanted a long term nanny, and I reassured them I wanted this too.
Any advice? I'm torn between doing what's right for me; start job and leave whenever I need to, and putting family first by telling them and them most probably withdrawing job offer. No contract has bee signed yet.
Help! .......

Don't be ridiculous. Nannies aren't deprived of any rights but neither should they lack morals or consideration to others.
If someone sells themself at interview as being committed, having the families best interest at heart, honest, reliable - I am employing them because I presume they are intending to display those characteristics in their work.
If they came to a job interview and said I'm only interested in looking after myself and will do what it takes to get the best deal for me (your kids and family are not my concern) and I will lie to sort myself out - then fine, the family have nothing to whinge about if they take on such a character.

Yes big businesses that don't depend on childhood attachments and security can afford (emotionally and financially) to take on people due to go on maternity leave. But why should this poor family who have probably advertised the role to give their kids stability lose out.

HappyChappy, I know that but she lied when she said she wasn't planning to have kids, I am glad she is pregnant but she should have been honest and told them she was trying to conceive, I would have thought different if the pregnancy was an accident but she knew well from the start that there was a slight possibility she was going to be pregnant.

Honestly, don't have any problem with it. I have an employed make me redundant 2 days after a close aunt died and my father declared missing. I know why and it was to do with a cheaper nanny. Business is business everywhere. I have worked 20 years with children, seen it happen over and over and over again. We nannies are entirely and easily replaceable. Evidence, read the last few weeks of posts, how many may nanny is rubbish posts are there should I sack her?

Melimelo18 give her the benefit of the doubt, she probably thought it would be like the last five years where it was unsuccessful. Having had a number of friends go through IVF is it often the ONLY way to cope and mentally survive. If you have not done it your cannot ever understand it.

Meant to employer

Pretty sure they could let you go at any time in the first year quite easily. You could claim pregnancy discrimination, but its not very easy especially in a job like that.

I can see both sides. Of course you should have the same protection and consideration as anyone else, and its entirely your right to do the job for a few months and leave on maternity. And if you need the money, then you need to work. I'm with you.
On the other hand I can seem how upsetting it would be to take on a nanny specifically having said you wanted long term and making plans only to find that there is no chance of that and you will have the time, effort and cost of finding a new nanny in a short time. Not to mention the upheaval on the children.

Splinters in my arse from the fence. There isn't an answer that isn't very unfair to someone.

A few points 1) they absolutely shouldn't have asked if you plan more children, it doesn't matter that they are just one family they are still an employer and held to the same standard as a big company re discrimation laws. 2) They can't recind their offer because you are pregnant 3) Tell them when you are ready to, they have provide maternity leave just like any employer but most likely you will apply for maternity allowance. All in all if I was them I would be a bit miffed but congratulate you and get over it. Great news for you, enjoy it!!

countess me too can see from both place. I know they could get rid with a weeks pay at anytime. No job security in that kind of work.

It doesn't matter whether she lied about wanting more children - it's a question that shouldn't be asked and it's perfectly fine to respond to a question like that with any old bullshit.

The whole point of it not being ok to ask that question is so the woman doesn't get rejected before she starts.

Who gives a toss about them wanting a long term employee ?

Shit happens, people get pregnant and all employers have to put up with that.

We're mostly women on this site - agreeing with employment rights for women over long term childcare should be fairly obviously supported

Oh but I have no doubt that she genuinely didn't think she was going to get pregnant, but I also have no doubt that she knew she was lying when she said she didn't want kids.

My aunt is currently going through IVF, two of them didn't work one did but she miscarried later on so I know that IVF is a tough process and that you don't want to have your hopes high. But I don't agree that because some employers are bad, nannies should just be a bitch to all their employers in case they get sacked. Many post from families pisses me off but reality is there are some rubbish Nannies, Au Pairs, childminder etc... as many as there are bad families, but OP is definitely not helping the Nanny's profession image by acting in such a selfish way.

At the end of the day, I feel you should treat people the way you want to be treated. And I highly doubt OP would be okay leaving her kids with people who lie to her and hide things from her, but who knows? Maybe she won't care if people that looks after her kids (be it a baby sitter or whoever) are not honest with her and hide stuff from her in their interest. Each to their own I guess...

Seb101 - you are probably the last person I would want as nanny ... As anyone closely to do anything in relation to my kids. NOT because you are pregnant or fall pregnant after your interview (100% happy for you) but the absolute CALLOUS attitude you have towards your employer and their kids. The a previous poster who has worked as nanny also demonstrates why it is increasingly difficult for people to trust nannies.

I get such shudders thinking these sort of selfish behaviours are potentially what could go in my nanny's mind as well when I have happily left my kids in her charge. Think before you act! Don't leave your employer in lurch specially if you have no intention of going back ever after 5 months

Ah but Laurie that only apply when it's not the domestic staff.

I had a friend who was told it was her nanny duties to decorate (paint and wallpaper) the nursery while they were on holiday.

Laurie, I do agree with you in theory, but I think most of us would struggle to be so clear on our principles if we were the employer rather than the employee. Untested principles are very easy to hold.

It's not principles, it's the law. It's employment rights not employment principles.

Sheesh.

It's not often I'm black and white about something but seriously employment rights for female employees seems to be one we should all agree on.

countess, very true.

I was always nice to my family giving them 2 months notice and always had another job to go to. Still have contact with nearly all my children and their families BUT saw a lot and learnt from those experiences. No need to be a bitch but be aware if you do speak to them expected the worse and hope to be pleasantly surprised. Personally in her situation I would keep quiet if I was financially dependent on it. I know that is horribly but I am being honest.

Laurie we should but in reality because anything that happens in employment when you havent worked for them for a year you have effectively no rights. Also even then because as a nanny the minute you have a bad reference you effectively become unemployable.

Agree there are some really horrid nannies carers

@LaurieFairyCake I agree with you that all women should have the same rights as anybody else but when you post an ad, looking for someone specific, here a reliable nanny who can do long term for the well-being of your children to have someone who doesn't fit any of the criterias apply for the job omitting stuffs to make it look like she fits the position so you offer her the job to then see her leaving the job once she has enough money to do so, is wrong. Even more when you add kids to the addition.

And it doesn't matter if she is pregnant or not to me, she omitted stuff to get a job, nanny or not nanny if you lie about your CV at an interview chances are you are going to get sacked when people find out.

And to be honest if I was a family and find out my nanny lied to us during the interview and then tried to hide her pregnancy from me and stuff, the trust would be gone and I would find a reason to fire her because I wouldn't trust her around my kids. I don't think the pregnancy is the issue here... her work ethic is.

melimelo when you had your children how long did you wait until you said anything at work. i know my first pregnancy I didnt say anything until 20 weeks. 1 because early days, 2 because they grounded me (had to travel abroad and said pregnant women couldnt travel) 3.because they all got weird after they knew I was pregnant. This was an office job, imagine when it comes to children and families with little employment rights. Its not fair to anyone this situation but the problem is that nannys have little to know rights, Less than childminders who can be self employed and therefore pay their stamp and get maternity pay, we are completely dependent on employers to be fair. They often are not and take advantage of the power imbalance of the relationships we have.

Just ask yourself how you would feel if position reversed.... you want trustful long term nanny look after your precious children and you seem to have found the right one. How gutted would you be if you found out that the person your children are entrusted to ... and possibly forming a relationship with... has deceived you right from the word go. Do unto others.... As the saying goes .

Immoral enough imo deceiving employers in businesses but messing around with a family in this way is just rotten.

Then you're completely in the wrong.

Looking for a reason to fire someone because they didn't tell you about being pregnant is pretty much the lowest of the low.

Seriously, people like YOU are the reason women had to fight for employment rights for over 2 centuries.

Honestly, you should be ashamed.

Newsflash

No one has the right to a long term employee just because you want one

Your desire for a long term employee does not trump employment rights.

Your desire for a long term employee does not trump the human right to a family life.

Seriously, where have you folk come from?

Is it the dark ages again?

tazzle, what would you do? I can see both points but. Maybe talk to them explain and see if she can do a temporary contract with them. The thing to remember is she is only a few weeks, there is a long way to go before the baby comes. I am glad it is not me having to decide what to do TBH.

Laurie I agree that what should be the case BUT in real life this is not what happens. The OP can't eat and live on what should be only what really might happen

Strictly speaking of course as your employer they're not allowed to fire you for being pregnant and have to give you mat leave etc.

However I think you're being very unfair to that family. They're now going to have you for 5-6 months the. Have to go through the hassle, stress and expense of finding someone to cover you. If I were them I would have lost trust in you and would be very upset. Sorry that is probably not what you want to hear

I'm very pleased for you that the ivf worked though!

@HappyChappy I totally agree with that Nannies and Au Pairs, depend on the families, but I assume you had started your job before you got pregnant ? I can see once you are well established in a job that you would rather wait to reveal the news in fear of being kicked out or fired. In your situation I don't think you had planned it before you got the job so in case you got pregnant you could just take the money and leave. Here OP appears to me as if she just want to use the family to get their money and leave ( she hasn't even started her job...) , not considering the kids or the rest of the family.

@LaurieFairy, have you read my message ? I specifically said that I had NO problem with her being pregnant at all, I am even glad she is. My problem, if I was her employer would be her lying and omitting stuffs NOT her being pregnant !

If a parent came on here to say '' My nanny has been lying to me and omitted things during the interview process, should I terminate her? " ( I am leaving the pregnancy out of this cause like I said, I don't think the problem here is that she is pregnant. )

Chances are people would tell her to get rid of her because you have to be able to trust your nanny, I think most parents would think ' Today she lies about pregnancy what can she lies about tomorrow' ? if you would gladly leave your children with someone you can't trust well good for you, but I think most people wouldn't and it has nothing to do with her being pregnant, just about the fact that you want to trust the person you leave your kids with.