Why do we have kids if we can't look after them ourselves?

[tothepoint88]

I offered a view on a couple of threads that is perhaps different from most of the mums on this website. I apologise for hijacking the two threads that I did and if either of the authors of the two threads were hurt or upset by my view then I unreservedly apologise as I should not have made those points on your threads. However, I do not apologise for my view and I do take exception to the responses that I got from people who were not the originators of the threads.
There seems to be some idea on here that one is not allowed to question the idea that having others look after your children while you go out to work is OK and perfect sense. It seems that we all have to abide by the belief that not looking after your kids and going out to work is OK. Well I'm sorry, there are people out here who might wish to challenge that view. OK, if you want to go out to work and leave the kids in childcare OK, but don't blindly believe that there aren't people out there who might think that it is not OK and perhaps the selfishness that seems to have crept into motherhood in the last 20/30 years has no effect. Not everybody believes that it is possible to balance a career and bringing up children. The idea that somebody else can do a better job than the mum or dad is frankly odd.

If people haven't seen it on another thread and want an example of why being with your parents all the time may not be a good thing look at this blog The poor child would be much better off in paid childcare with other children. However I dare say that some people think his mother a shining example of motherhood-it takes all sorts. Perhaps we should all 'live and let live'.

I don't know how to engage with this sort of attitude. It's kind of like meeting the Amish or finding that I'm driving my modern car and getting stuck behind a coach and four.

You seem to need to believe that you are sane and all the working parents in the world are 'frankly odd'. You may be right. But then again, the fact that you are in a shrinking minority may mean that you are wrong.

How about you try to live your life according to your lights. And butt out of other people's lives?

arf at the suggestion that back in the day mums stayed at home with their children...

How far back are we going?

My mum worked when I was little

My gran worked when my mum was small (widowed unforch, so not a huge amount of choice really, but then, you're more interested in broad brush strokes rather than detail, no?)

My Great grandmother worked - she had to as well or no potatoes on the table!

So, we're back about 100 years now I guess...

I suppose that all the women working in mills and factories in the 1800's aren't that interesting...

or the rural mothers working out in the fields before the industrial revolution...

That must take us back to Tudor times and far before that...

Oh, how I wish for those heady caveman days, when the men were men and the women stayed at cave, caring for the babies as nature intended...

wait

That doesn't make sense, weren't cavewomen out gathering nuts and berries and things?

oh

'It?s wrong though to attack women who choose to make huge sacrifices to raise their own children and not work.'

Have you actually read the thread? WOHMs are the ones being attacked here.

As most paid childcare is carried out by women, I don't think we need to worry too much about our children not being able to eat with a knife and fork... (assuming that only women can pass on this kind of skill )

A lot has changed in society in the past 100 years or so and I find it hard to accept that the rise in crime and the falling literacy rates are all down to a lack of women staying at home with their children.

"If our forebears had not placed child rearing above all else, we might still be living in caves."

What does this even mean?

Surely it is wrong to attack any woman over her choices FranknCock? What gives anyone the right?--unless it is a case of abuse.

arf away shirley

I am almost peeing myself at the idea that me working since DD was 6mths old is some sort of idealogical, feminist stance.

at that blog piscesmoon. Holy Mackerel.

I think you will find that Stone Age women were out working! The baby would have been cared for by an older sister or MIL.People take what they want from primitive societies and miss out the bits they don't like!

To sell them for drink money.

Obviously.

Oh yeah mrsdeveerie.

I worked when my kids were small and made sure that I always wore my CND badge and my dungarees and DM's were pristine

I didn't work because we needed a place to live in or food to eat - I did it because wimmin like me need to make a stand against the male dogma and glass ceilings and stuff.

Yeah

It comes under a thread 'Hilariously PFB Blog and also under the one on wooden toys. It is the funniest thing that I have ever read on MN-once I got over the shock! (answer to wrinklyraisin)

My mother should have worked when we were little, she was crap and anything would have been better than the treatment we got at home, kicked out to play in the street aged 2 that sort of thing.
Some people really shouldn't have children but since we can't stop them, if they in their heart of hearts know that is the case too then thank god there are affordable childcare options these days.

pisces - I think that woman is bonkers and totally off her trolley.

BUT at the same time I do have to confess I admire her dedication to it all, I could never be arsed with all of that time it must take.

I've been out this evening, so just got home and I'm wondering if this thread is worth my while reading... anyone want to give a summary?

Seems a little odd to post on a childcare related section, which will be mostly read by parents using childcare services and childcare service providers. Surely it would be better in a different section... where there may be some SAHM's/SAHD's who may also feel that having their children cared for by someone else, whilst they themselves go to work, is a bad thing.

As a childcare provider, I'm very happy that some parents choose to go out to work and leave their children in the care of a nanny (like me). If those parents stayed home to care for their own children I wouldn't have a job. So you could say that by going to work, parents are helping to keep the unemployed figures down... as it's not just the parent who does not appear in that figure, but also the person they employ (directly or indirectly).

"BUT at the same time I do have to confess I admire her dedication to it all, I could never be arsed with all of that time it must take."

YEP but some women can't be arsed with looking after their children, can they.

How many times do you hear women saying they like adult company, staying home with the children would drive them into a breakdown. Are children really so exhausting and boring, is being a mother really such drudgery.

Sad that women should define themselves by paid work alone. Sad that paid labour that is in many cases economic nessesity should actually come to be the one thing we define ourselves by.

ermm - mini - I'm a SAHM - and have been for 8/10yrs of being a parent. I'm definitely of the benign neglect sort though, and cooking, baking, painting, arty crafty stuff is just beyond me

I have to be honest - of course I love my boys, BUT I enjoy adult company, yes I enjoy doing adult stuff (thank God for my church stuff I do - it keeps me sane until I'm back at work sometime next year).

I do find the whole SAHM thing a bit of a drudge tbh.

and I find it rather sad that some mothers want to define themselves as mothers alone.

The first part of my username stands for

Muscian and Mother........in that order - I'm not JUST a mother.

If you admire her dedication MaMoTTaT try Finn's corner

Actually she is a working mother as she is trying to sell her books I think.

I love that PFB Blog thanks so much for ending my stressful week with a good howling laff

I don't think many women (any women?) define themselves by paid work alone.

I'm a mother, a partner, a daughter, a friend, an employee....lots of things define who I am.

oh I daren't pisces - a working mother keeping up a parenting regime like that will me feel totally inadequate instead of just marginally

will make me feel.

It makes me feel a much better parent-I feel so sorry for Finn! I think that a parent totally devoted to their child must be very hard for the child.It is much better to set a good example by having all sorts of roles in life.