Why do we have kids if we can't look after them ourselves?

[tothepoint88]

I offered a view on a couple of threads that is perhaps different from most of the mums on this website. I apologise for hijacking the two threads that I did and if either of the authors of the two threads were hurt or upset by my view then I unreservedly apologise as I should not have made those points on your threads. However, I do not apologise for my view and I do take exception to the responses that I got from people who were not the originators of the threads.
There seems to be some idea on here that one is not allowed to question the idea that having others look after your children while you go out to work is OK and perfect sense. It seems that we all have to abide by the belief that not looking after your kids and going out to work is OK. Well I'm sorry, there are people out here who might wish to challenge that view. OK, if you want to go out to work and leave the kids in childcare OK, but don't blindly believe that there aren't people out there who might think that it is not OK and perhaps the selfishness that seems to have crept into motherhood in the last 20/30 years has no effect. Not everybody believes that it is possible to balance a career and bringing up children. The idea that somebody else can do a better job than the mum or dad is frankly odd.

"It is much better to set a good example by having all sorts of roles in life."

totally agree there.

But I still feel slightly inadequate that a parent can be so 100% dedicated to their child at all times and I'm at home (most) of the time and just can't do it.

Yes MaMoTTat, I wasn't suggesting you couldn't be arsed. I just feel so strongly that women have won the right to make choices, but in doing so we have lost the right to decide whether we work.

So many women work to just make ends meet in jobs they don't enjoy. If they don't work they are made to feel useless wasters who are not contributing to society or family. Why is child rearing now considered below us. Why is it almost shameful to admit we might like to stay at home.

Why do we now define ourselves by paid employment, often in low paid jobs that we don't enjoy. Some women have great careers and I can understand that they want to work.

Exactly. That little boy will be living so high up on a pedestal he will have no idea about Real Life.

Seriously though, I'm all for Aspirational Parenting. Just do it in a way that won't get the poor kid beaten up on the way home from school.

Aside from why I shouldn't work, if i didn't and looked after the DS's all day I WOULD GO NUTS..........thats all there is to it from my perspective [hgrin]

I think that you are doing them a great favour with benign neglect. Being bored stimulates the imagination.

I think, MaMoTTat that the reason SHE can be so dedicated to the child, is the child hadn't actually arrived yet

not read the whole thread [hblush] but is 'SHE' the OP?

It has now wrinklyraisin-with a whole blow by blow account of the birth. He is a very sweet looking toddler, but I predict that he will rebel one day-if only about the hand knitted garments.

Have you read that book about Idle Parenting? I love the gist of it, let children BE. Society in most places thesedays is not conducive to this ethos. Which is sad.

thank you pisces

I do spend my time of benign parenting doing other useful stuff though (not housework - they have to join in with that ) and it's stuff that has "deadlines" so I hope I'm showing them some sort of "work ethic" even while I'm not yet back at work proper.

No SHE refers to the mother to be in the first part of the blog that pisces linked to earlier. She hadn't had the baby yet and her description of his nursery is astounding.

I think this will be the new civil revolution: the rise and rebellion of the children of nutcrunching, lentil weaving parents, who made them wear home made clothes as teens. It is not going to end well.

I do wonder about common sense's role in life today? I don't see much evidence of it's existence any more. Which is also sad.

wrinkly - the PFB blog woman has had her child and is still maintaining the 100% dedication to the role thing.

Ah ok I need to keep reading then (bang goes the early-ish bedtime)...

OMG. Poor Finn's mum. She's going to have a baby and he's gonna destroy her beautiful nursery, sanity, marital relationship, figure and dreams of what it is to have a child.
Aww.

Iv'e just had a look at the link, how weird. Now that is dedication to the cause of parenting .

Although I'm still sure we are headed into hell, where women work all hours and are made to feel that is the only choice.

Dione \link{http://redirectingat.com/?id=470X756&xs=1&url=http%3A%2F%2Fsewliberated.typepad.com%2Fsew_liberated%2F2009%2F04%2Ffinnians-montessori-room.html&sref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.mumsnet.com%2FTalk%2F_chat%2F1067353-Hilariously-PFB-Blog\look further on} she had Finn and is still doing all that wierdy stuff

OMG I just read about the applesauce and I actually LIKED what I read... HELP!!!!!!!

mrsDeVere - I hang my head in shame at choosing my house over my child. But to fair the child is not mortgaged to the bank... though there's an idea...

A school friend of DS's has a SAHM, she was in afterschool club the first week she started school until 6.15pm, her mother drops and runs at parties and has done since child was 3 and anyone around in the house puts the child to bed. But obviously she is a better mother than me because she doesn't work.

Very weird... I remember reading this description of Finn's room on a link from the TES forum about this time last year. It was completely ridiculed on there at the time, but I was actually oddly impressed that she was managing to do all this stuff while pregnant. We still need to finish paint dd's bedroom door and she's now 10 months old... Anyway I was thinking about it this afternoon, wondering how it had gone, whether that room looked anything like that now, and thinking I'd never know as my computer has crashed and been rebooted several times since I last read it and I'd have no chance of finding it in the browsing history... then here it is again, one of life's strange conincidences. Hope she doesn't become the brunt of many forum sniggers, I think she's really amazing

god she is sooo twee. I hate her already

ooh I forgot to add "Not everybody believes that it is possible to balance a career and bringing up children" - yes but not everyone is as clever as me [smug emoticon] or as prepared as I to give up every second of my life to either my child or my job. You see people who stay at home and can't manage to fit a paid job in too just aren't selfless enough.

OP has gone very quiet - I think she is blog lady.

Thanks MaMo. I did read on. He's still gonna wreck her life though. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But when he writes that book, he will destroy her completely.

Kew - I drop and run at parties too

I've just read more of the blog. Before baby Finn was born, she mentioned supporting him to sit on the potty before he could actually sit upright. If that isn't weird enough, weirder still is all the pictures of said child wearing a nappy

Its all false, no sane person could continue a life lived in that way. I work, stay home and home ed, but I still can't make applesauce, knit silly hats and blog. Not to mention keep a house so clean and twee.

Shes pregnant with number 2 now. I feel a bit sorry for her getting slated. I agree some of its quite amusing in a sort of who the hell could be arsed to o THAT way. But shes not doing anything awful, little boy looks happy. She does soap making, painting etc with him. I would never be able to keep that level of dedication up.

I have known parents who were like her but on a lesser scale, they did nothing else but "parent" if you see what I mean? Constant organic natural crafty things, home cooked from scratch vegan food etc. They have eased off a bit now they are at school but children are perfectly normal and very lovely.

I am more a do an activity with them then they have free play on own while you clean up hae a cup of tea and recover from the mess