Why do we have kids if we can't look after them ourselves?

[tothepoint88]

I offered a view on a couple of threads that is perhaps different from most of the mums on this website. I apologise for hijacking the two threads that I did and if either of the authors of the two threads were hurt or upset by my view then I unreservedly apologise as I should not have made those points on your threads. However, I do not apologise for my view and I do take exception to the responses that I got from people who were not the originators of the threads.
There seems to be some idea on here that one is not allowed to question the idea that having others look after your children while you go out to work is OK and perfect sense. It seems that we all have to abide by the belief that not looking after your kids and going out to work is OK. Well I'm sorry, there are people out here who might wish to challenge that view. OK, if you want to go out to work and leave the kids in childcare OK, but don't blindly believe that there aren't people out there who might think that it is not OK and perhaps the selfishness that seems to have crept into motherhood in the last 20/30 years has no effect. Not everybody believes that it is possible to balance a career and bringing up children. The idea that somebody else can do a better job than the mum or dad is frankly odd.

why the bump chickincharge when there's another perfectly obvious shit stirring thread already going on this subject in active conversations.

childcare=jaws of hellhound dawg get responses,i,love a good ole why have em if you wont look after em and leave them wiv unresponsive/vacant/delinquent staff thread

its a mn perennial

"The idea that somebody else can do a better job than the mum or dad is frankly odd."

I'm prepared to accept POVs which state they think a parent should stay at home with a child. I don't agree with it, but I can try to understand.

What I'm not prepared to do is see a constant barrage of critisism about the woeful lack of a MOTHER'S input into bringing up kids if she goes out to work. It's cruel, old fashioned and unrealistic to expect today's young women to accept that THEY deserve all the harsh words for making a living for their family.. yet a man who dares to have paid work outside the home is being a "good little provider" etc. I can't fucking stand that double standard. Why not accuse fathers who work fulltime of not caring for their kids? Why not accuse them of abandoning their children? Oh, I forgot, it's because it's a thinly veiled bash at working women again - NOT a comment on how a child benefits from having a parent (who has a penis or doesn't) at home. Silly me.

... and, on that note, I suggest you request to change the title of this thread from:

"Why do we have kids if we can't look after them ourselves?"

into

"Why do women have kids if they want to work? But good on anyone with a penis working, that's a-ok."

FFS.

no new thread title this=straight up rant at nursery.leave it be.does what it says on tin

Why do we have kids if we can't look after them ourselves?

Why do we always rise to the bait?

To the point, why is the OP placing such post in the "childminders, nannies and au pairs" talk space? Perhaps the OP has interpreted the "etc" bit as 'air your (irrelevant) views to the topic'?

There are so many more appropriate forums for posts like the OP. The idea that somebody would place such a post in the childminders/nannies/au pair talk space is frankly odd.

Just to pick up on a point from page 4 - someone mentioned that practising attachment parenting didn't equate to being a good parent.

I met a mum at a group who ticks all the AP boxes - long term extended bf, tandem feeding 5 and 3 year old, cloth nappies, co-sleeping, sling wearing etc. I expected I would quite like her as I kind of fancy this sort of lifestyle though I don't particularly manage to pull it off.

I have never met anyone as negative in how they communicate with their child. Everything she says is a barked order/"no" when the child is doing nothing, she is very unresponsive to her child actually trying to chat with her, says really nasty things about her in front of her including frequently and repeatedly referring to her as a "bloody nightmare" when she is doing absolutely nothing bloody nightmarish etc.

And is a total expert on how the rest of us should raise our kids

I'm having to go back to work in a few months because once my mat pay runs out if I dont go back then DP and I, and our DS will lose our house!! DP doesn't earn enough to cover everything but earns just that bit too much for us to get much in terms of benefits. So what sgould I do OP? Lie and claim to be a single mum, get my house paid for by tax payers? Sadly I have too much pride for that.I'm already racked with guilt at the thought of putting my 9 month old in to childcare for 1 day a wk, but if I dont then he'll be homeless. Would that be a better option for you?

Your self-righteous post makes me feel sick!!

pastaplease Fri 22-Oct-10 20:24:26
I agree, tothepoint, and it's bold of you to say so!

I certainly don't admire people who 'juggle' work and childcare, and resort to using nurseries, childminders, nannies etc. It's a matter if priorities, I think.

===============================================

Some people don't have the choice but to 'resort to using childminders, nurseries, nannies etc'

I am a cm and if I don't have children to mind I cannot afford to pay for my clothes, shoes, sons' football training fees, diesel and other car costs for my 12 year old car which I am struggling to keep on the road but I need for my job as I do nursery and school runs which are not near each other (buses would cost a fortune for the amount of journeys I do). I am going to have to give notice to my nursery child as I need to take a dinner lady job to top up my earnings (the dinner lady job pays more than part-time nursery place).

So don't patronise people who have to juggle work and childcare.