A i right to insist DP staying with me against hospital rules?

[tiggz]

My dp and mum are goin to be my birthing partners but at the hospital im giving birth in, the policy is they can stay with me throughout the childbirth, but if my baby isnt born within the visiting hours of 12-8pm, my DP may have to leave me as its not visiting hours and i will be alone, right after having the baby, they say its because they like to give the mum plenty of rest, but if my DP isnt there with me i will only be unsettled, i'l get more rest just knowing he's beside me, not only that, i just want him there and why would he want to leave me and his newborn?
I dont want to be the anoying patient but do you think id be right to insist on him staying there. i dont want to be alone!

The NHS is irrelevant to a thread about the rules at an NHS hospital??? Seriously?? WTF are you on Tiggz.

no its not about all rules, its about my dp staying with me not who thinks nhs is good and hu dosent.
expactinscotland well then i guess all hospitals are completely different

'no its not about all rules, its about my dp staying with me not who thinks nhs is good and hu dosent.'

Yes, it's about rules because these are the reason your partner cannot stay with you.

BTW not convinced a homebirth is a good option in these circumstances - as with a straightforward hospital birth you can insist on a 6 hour discharge, which basically means not going to postnatal ward. And 40% of first timers transfer to hospital during a planned homebirth anyway.

Tiggz - although I am very sympathetic and understand why you are worried, I do think you need to get your head around why actually your DP can't stay after visiting hours on the post natal ward. Or get your head around that if the baby doesn't come by 40+14 why you might end up labouring on your own during the night.

If you want to hear more opinions on the matter why not post in AIBU and see what happens?

OP one crucial thing you have missed out on here is YOU WILL NOT BE ALONE! You will have your new baby and most of the time they are totally sleepy, you will be exhausted and need some rest and frankly so will your dp.

I was hospitalised pre dd with pre-eclampsia, 16 year old opposite me who kept going out for a fag and had all her mates in until 11pm, woman next to her on the phone every 10 mins ALL NIGHT, and a labouring woman in the bed next door with her dh. By 6am my bp had spiked astronomically and I was the one moved to a private room on the NHS for my own sanity.

imo, mobile phone usage (speaking on, text alerts), anyone other than a dp post 8pm on the ward should be banned.

And mean as it may sound, you assumed that he would be able to stay so perhaps you should have checked before now?

Laurie FC i may have read it wrong but it seemed implied given the tone of the posts that you felt that these things were not positive.

Expat ..it's your name.

it's ok to ask. although why you want to know what me and my DH do? i am a prof in the social sector. i am not from Europe but am married here and love it.

neither of these things should have any impact on the validity of my opinons or concerns as i felt it was implied .

good luck tiggz

I am slowly getting my head around the fact i just dont like the fact, im just praying on a straightforward birth so i can come home asap!!! didnt know different hos had diferent rules so didnt feel the need to chek it out!

'although why you want to know what me and my DH do?'

I didn't. I asked the OP.

But nevahmind . . .

pastagirl thnx

tiggz Congratulations, I hope the birth goes well.

But you are wrong to insist on DP staying with you. No matter how worried you are. You are also wrong to call NHS workers/nurses/midwives lazy. They are seriously underpaid, overworked and frequently subjected to abuse. My MW stayed 3 hours over her shift to see me through DD3's birth, as it was so traumatic. Lazy?

I had to stay in 5 days with DD3. It was shit. DH had to stay at home and visit for just a few hours a day, work and other DDs to sort out. I had to deal with bloods being taken from DD3 at 2am, 5am, conversations about possible blood transfusions at 2am.

It was crap but that's the way it goes. I would not have wanted any other DP/DHs there, there us little enough privacy as it is.

You did ask. I think you've been terribly naive to think that DP could stay with you in an NHS hospital, when there are not enough beds for all the patients.

I do think your age has a lot to do with this, I also think that your posting style (txtspk, poor spelling and lack of punctuation) has caused some hackles to rise, it's pretty irritating tbh.

But anyway, I really hope you have an easy and quick birth and are holding your baby very soon . Just remember in future that MN is home to many forthright people.

MuminNWLondon, by that logic 60% of first timers DO have a home birth.
The six hour discharge only applies IF there is a Dr there to discharge you and does not prevent you from going to the postnatal ward. Unles it's the quietest labour ward in the country they'll need the bed long before six hours.
I had my baby at midnight and because it was night and there was no Dr I couldn't be discharged until 11am. I spent most of that time on the post natal ward.

shininhinny thanx for the advice. i dont think my age has anythin to do with it because there has been ladies who are havin there 5th baby sayin they feel exactly the same, its the person it depends on not their age. This site is open to people of all ages and it dosent say you have to be a good speller to chat on it. And that again has nothing to do with my age, a 50yearold could have worse spelling than me. but thanku anyway i apreciate the comment

But a mother needs basic literacy surely? In four years time how will any of these txt spk Mums help their child learn to read or practice for their spelling tests?? It's terrifying in the extreme.

tiggz - you come across as selfish and ignorant.

If you don't like the nhs then sod off and pay for private.

But Geek the OP can't - she's already planning her second.

There's not time to get a job and save ffs.

tiggz I would have to agree with Sinnin and expat and many others.
I cannot understand why you would assume that your dp would be able to stay with you in hospital. The only people who routinely have people stay over with them in hospital is children... surely everybody realises this because no-body would expect a child to stay without their parent?
If you have spent time in hospital already with this pregnancy surely you can see how little privacy there is and how noisy the ward is at all hours of the day and night? Most people feel lucky to grab a few hours sleep as there are constant disturbances throughout the day and night. Maybe you didn't see the post natal rooms while you were there? When I had my ds, I was put into a room with 5 other post natal ladies and 5 other newborn babies. TBH it wasn't really very pleasant but you certainly didn't feel alone with so many people close by.

I'm sorry if you are feeling anxious about the birth and the immediate aftermath, but to be honest I think you need to get some perspective. In reality, you are looking at spending at the most about 8 hours on your own, by the time you consider the visiting hours, ward rounds, meal times etc etc.... Yes the night can be lonely but during the day the ward will be buzzing and there will be plenty of distractions.

I too find it offensive you criticizing the NHS staff, it is not their fault if they are overstretched.

Also, have a thought for those of us who have other kids at home and are torn between wanting to have our dp with us in hospital but also wanting to have our other kids to be supported. I have told my dh that if nobody suitable is available to look after my other 2 kids, then I would rather he stayed home with them while I have my c-section because I feel they are more important.

i never said it wasnt nhs i said it was a different hospital. you must have misread it.
trafficcone i am actually very good at english and love to read and write, spelling isnt an issue and i find your comment outrages! so children with parents who are dyslexic and cant spell or read arnt as capable? txt spk isnt not being able to spell its abreviations, i wont teach my child to use them in tests, its txt abreviations! again people getting off of the subject

'If you don't like the nhs then sod off and pay for private.'

I somehow think this might be beyond the OP's means.

Trafficone - when DS was born (at 00:06) they said that I was entitled to a 6 hour discharge butthey would have to call pediatrician or specialist midwife to check out the baby before 6am. I didn't need checked out as I didn't tear.

Anyway I said that if they needed the room before the pediatrician started his normal morning round yes they would have to wake the pediatrician up because I was not going to the post-natal ward, BUT if they didn't need the room until the morning then I was happy with a morning discharge.

Both times I have stayed in labour ward (actually MLU part of labour ward) for 8+ hours. With DS he was born at 00:06 left at around 9.30am and with DD she was born at 1pm, was transferred onto postnatal ward at around 9.30pm. I thought that was normal - but perhaps I was just lucky.

The hospital I am going to(again MLU inside hospital) actively encourages discharge direct from labour ward - presumably this means they have to give you own room until discharge?

And yes true 40% do manage to deliver at home, but they are probably same people who manage to get 6 hour discharge from labour ward!

I'm a bit confused about how you're planning on insisting when he's going to leave like a lamb at the end of visiting hours. What form is this insistence going to take?

I wasn't trying to insult you, but you are very young. I was 24 when I had DD1, which I think is young. You are 6 years younger than that. I just hope that everything goes well for you and hope that you are 'in & out'.

You will notice if you post here more that your sort of posting style does tend to get peoples backs' up. Plus you responded with quite aggressive posts when people pointed out why, in their opinion, you may be wrong after you had asked whether you were right.