A i right to insist DP staying with me against hospital rules?

[tiggz]

My dp and mum are goin to be my birthing partners but at the hospital im giving birth in, the policy is they can stay with me throughout the childbirth, but if my baby isnt born within the visiting hours of 12-8pm, my DP may have to leave me as its not visiting hours and i will be alone, right after having the baby, they say its because they like to give the mum plenty of rest, but if my DP isnt there with me i will only be unsettled, i'l get more rest just knowing he's beside me, not only that, i just want him there and why would he want to leave me and his newborn?
I dont want to be the anoying patient but do you think id be right to insist on him staying there. i dont want to be alone!

you no what alot of you are just getting off of the point being damn right mean and anoyin picking at my future plns, my opinions, my spellings, telling me im selfish im a geek and i need to piss off and pay for private because i havnt had good nhs experiences..."oh yes iv had really bad bad experiences with nhs but there fucking brilliant i love them", yh cuz id have that opinion!! i have no idea why people think they have the right to be so mean. the lot of you should be ashamed of yourselves, iv asked several times for people to stick to the point but its not happenin, so im just going to take the fucking post off

I don't see why the op can't say she had a bad experience with the nhs! It is a fantastic thing that we have a national health system, yes the system is flawed, and there are some amazing, hardworking people who work flat out to help people, for pretty crap pay in that flawed system.

But

This doesn't mean that there aren't some people working in the nhs who aren't that great and some who can be downright abusive. If you have had an experience with someone like this, then it might just make you a bit paranoid about future hospital stays.

All the patronizing comments about txt speak and spelling are just unneccesary.

i apreciate all of those comments who have been genrally kind and suportive but surely u can understand my anoyance

Have known of plenty of mums who have been discharged well within 6 hours of giving birth, and at least one less than 4 hours. It is possible. OP - aim for that.

Think the fact that the OP uses text speak and has possibly displayed poor spelling, grammar and/or punctuation is completely irrelevant and should have absolutely no bearing on epople's responses, positively or otherwise. To comment on someone in this way, esp where you don't even have a clue if there is a reason for it, is pretty rude and TBH shows your own lack of judgement personally. Surely on MN everyone is welcome regardless of the way they present their post and regardless of their ability to write perfect English.

Jeez, I haven't read all the posts 'cos it all started getting a bit

I was bloody 38 when I had DS and when I discovered my DH would be chucked out if the baby arrived outside of visiting hours, I was devastated.

I think it's perfectly understandable to be scared shitless of giving birth and to feel upset when you discover that your partner won't be allowed to stay with you. Yes, common sense and general consideration for other patients make that impossible, but it doesn't negate the fear that the OP is feeling.

OP, as it turned out for me DS changed his mind and had to be delivered by ECS, whisked off the SCBU before I could even hold him and I was taken to a private room where DH was allowed to stay as long as he liked. I would swap it all for a standard delivery and DH being chucked out, but that's hindsight for you.

You won't be on your own OP, even though it feels that way now, the nurses will be wonderful and they'll totally understand your fears and worries. I hope everything goes brilliantly for you.

hulababy and hazeyjane thnku for ur comments, others are just being mean

tiggz - text speak always brings out the worst in some posters reactions to others. Some people can't see beyond it.

I personally am not keen on text speak and don;t use it myself. However it does not mean you should not be able to post how you see fit.

Tiggz, give up. You clearly aren't dyslexic and you aren't even using text speak. 'sumfin' instead of something is plain poor spelling. You can't even spell panic correctly yet you claim you keep doing it.
My nine year old has a higher standard of literacy and I'm sure he knows that NHS staff are over worked and underpaid rather than lazy.

tiggz why are you being so agressive?
At the end of the day we would all appreciate a bit of company and help straight after the birth of a baby, but tough luck, it ain't allowed.
There's no point in getting upset about it. I'm sorry if you never realised that was the way it is, but like I already said, nobody has people stay with them 24 hours a day in hospital.
I think that you would do better to try and chill out and rest before your baby is born rather than arguing with a bunch of people on the internet.
You asked if you are right to insist your partner stays with you. Many people have sympathised with you, but said sadly that's the rules. Some others have explained why they feel the rules are in place, and if they are right or wrong. You cannot change the rules, you would do much better to accept them and get on with your pregancy in peace.

Trafficcone - why does the OP's ;evel of literacy cncern you with regards to her queries on this thread? Does having a lower level of literacy than your 9y render her posts any less valid than your own posts? If so, can you suggest why?

thnks agen leonie and wubblybubbly this sites can be pretty intimidating when alot of people gang up on u about a subject you just want to drop, thku for the support.

I was actually trying to point out why so many peoples backs were up, it's a well-known fact that the 'txtspk' posting style is not well-liked on MN. And I think the OP's age has a lot to do with her instantly aggressive responses to some posters who pointed out that yes, she was wrong. Also, I think she did make a rod for her own back with sweeping 'NHS staff - lazy' generalisations.

I know it may seem scary OP, but if you're in & out you will not notice any time without DP. Even if you have to stay in 24 hours, it's such a bewildering 24 hours with a first baby that you may still not notice lack of DP. You'll probably spend at least 18 of those 24 hours just gazing at your beautiful baby . It took me 3 hours to ring anyone to announce DD1's birth, it felt like 5 mins.

Seriously, all the best for the birth, remember your breathing and try to stay calm.

I'll stick to the point for you.

YABU to insist that your DP stays on the ward with you.

It will be fruitless as he will be removed by security. You keep saying you won't let it get that far so what is the point in starting a row with the mw in front of all the other exhausted women with their newborns if he is going to leave before security arrives.

Your DP will need some proper sleep in a bed, not surrounded by people in order to support you best when you get out.

You still have time to arrange a homebirth if you want.

You know you are BU, you know you wouldn't want strange men next to you when you are trying to sleep or learning how to feed your baby. There will be women there who have had a hard time and are wearing hospital gowns with no pants. They don't want random men watching them stagger towards the toilet.

There will be a 'day room' on the ward where you can sit and chat with other people who are up and with staff and phone you family and friends.

Please don't lie in bed on the phone all night. You won't be as quiet as you think you are.

TBH tiggz - I'd call it quits with this thread.

I sympathise with yu that it can be daunting not having your DH/P with you following the birth. I know that I would have rather been able to have had DH with me as support.

However you must realise that it simply isn't possible. There is just not enough room or resources to have every woman's partner staying on the ward. No matter how much you want your partner there, he just won't be allowed to stay on the maternity ward. It isn't fair to the other mums. You do need to accept this and plan around it.

I hope you get a nice straight forward brth and are able to go home asap, with your baby and DP.

Good luck and all the best.

PS. I reckon I'd leave the thread and let it die. I don't think youw ill do yourself any favours if you continue to argue the point over this.

Oh its fecking typical though - you get an AIBU and people say yes you bloody well are and then they make up all kinds of stuff to back up why they have a sepcial case.

After reading the blurb on tiggz I just feel she is a stupid little girl who didn't realise what a can of worms she was opening by asking lots of informed sensible women a really stupid question and then has an answer for everything to the extent of being rude about a service that is severly stretched because she is not going to get her way.

First of all the nurses can't be bothered to fill in the forms (no you have to be discharged formally by a doctor but she should know that due to her serial hospitalisation and wealth of life experience no???) and then they just can't be bothered to get them - spouting shit IMO changing what she says every 5 minutes because her first post was from the rideculously ill informed spoilt teenage point of view and then we spend the rest of the thread having to back track.

You are term and 8 days over due love have you never realised before from watching your fave programme - one born every minute - ehat actually goes on on a labour ward.

My brother has phonetic dyslexia and spells words as he hears them despite attending school until he was 16 when he left because of bullying for his shyness (embarrassment and humiliation ).

I love MN but sometimes the fucking ignorance is shocking. My brother is a very clever man and thankfully has changed from a terrified loner to a very much loved friend to many with a great sense of humour but he still can't spell very well, using 'k' instead of 'c'. 'f' instead of 'ph' etc.

OP I'm afraid I can't agree with you. The other women on your ward deserve their privacy as you do yours so it's the same rule for everyone and you need to accept that. I hope all goes well for you.

thanku for agreeing with me and sticking up for me on the spelling thing.
i can asure you i have a higher level grammar skill thn a 9yr old tho! and sumfin is a txt abreviation, and i wasnt applyin im dyslexic, im not, i was saying some parents are and it makes them no less capable than myself or the worlds most inteligent man
humptyismarriedtoanumpty i get angry because people are pickingat me and being mean when i just want advice. i know that rules are there for a reason its just i dont want thm there lol, just wish it was different but it isnt! oh well lol
i knw iv had loadsa support, im just trying to reply to everyones post, im very greatful for it all aswell.
I know he wont be able to stay, im not going to make a fuss, but my hospital rules state that its up for disscusion so thats exactly what il do

That's because our health service is free Leonie. It isn't in the US. If you want private healthcare, pay for it. And as far as I can remember , it was about £50 a night for a private room in the hospital I gave birth in (in central London) so hardly a king's ransom.