A i right to insist DP staying with me against hospital rules?

[tiggz]

My dp and mum are goin to be my birthing partners but at the hospital im giving birth in, the policy is they can stay with me throughout the childbirth, but if my baby isnt born within the visiting hours of 12-8pm, my DP may have to leave me as its not visiting hours and i will be alone, right after having the baby, they say its because they like to give the mum plenty of rest, but if my DP isnt there with me i will only be unsettled, i'l get more rest just knowing he's beside me, not only that, i just want him there and why would he want to leave me and his newborn?
I dont want to be the anoying patient but do you think id be right to insist on him staying there. i dont want to be alone!

OP - I remember feeling the way you do about the postnatal ward and not having DH with me. It was one of my biggest worries as my due date approached.

In the end I spent 8 nights on the PN ward as DD had jaundice and I was in bits after a very traumatic birth. The ward was worse than I could ever have imagined, and I got no help from midwives and, sometimes, outright rudeness and neglect from them.

However, I DID cope, even in the worst of circumstances.

In all likelihood your experience in hospital will be 100 times better than mine was but just in case you end up having a rubbish time of it, know in yourself that you will cope, you will find strength you never knew you had and like others have said, there are some very special moments in the middle of the night when it's just you and your baby.

Wishing you a trouble free labour and birth, and hopefully you can avoid the postnatal ward altogether.

'Pray young one what are you going to do when hubby has to go off to work and leave you with the baby?'

. . .

pastagirl thanku ever so much, i really apreciate the support, people have gotton of the subject which is anoying, i dont want to talk about nhs ha ha just about my concern, thanx again. xx
crazycatlady thanku ever so much
madame il say this for the last time, i only found out yday i was going to be left alone in the hospital, so not alot of time 2 get used to the idea. im fine with the idea of being left alone wen dp goes to work. i am quite capable, just i hate hospitals and i am out of my comfort zone and i will need dp more than anyone. now unless you have sumfin possitive to say please dont leave anymore messages on my thread

I hated the fact that DH couldn't be with us (me and DD) after she was born, to support me and to be with his DD. I really would have liked to have gone home straight away but had a cs and had to be in there a couple of days. I had my own room but obviously DH still had to go home in the evenings. I didn;t feel like DD was properly my own til I got home and I felt that DH didn;t really get chance to be dad properly til then either.

I know there is no way round it in many cases, but I don;t think the situation always helps women, to have thier main support person not available at the times when they most need them.

Obviously all women are different and some don't feel they need their partner around and don;t mind dad being sent away from them and baby every night. But some women would prefer him to be around.

Amd I agree that it is totally different when you are at home and DH goes off to work, etc. But not everyone feels very comfortable in a hospital environment. I personally hate it. Hated it when I had DD. Hated it earlier this year when I was in with pneumonia and made sure I had DH with me as much as possible for support and company. Hospitals always make me feel very vunerable in a way I don't normally feel like.

'you have sumfin possitive to say please dont leave anymore messages on my thread '

MN doesn't work that way.

Unless a person has been abusive to you personally, or expressed racist or likewise remarks, it is an unmoderated board.

As you have been in hospital numerous times, were you allowed to have your partner spend the night in other wards?

I think most of us would prefer it hulababy. But you know, it's a hospital, limited resources and all that. Given that so many MNers don't think HAs should stump up for IVF, I think it's a bit odd to think that they should provide double rooms for new parents

'Obviously all women are different and some don't feel they need their partner around and don;t mind dad being sent away from them and baby every night. But some women would prefer him to be around.'

Well, of course.

But given the nature of childbirth, it's not beyond the bounds of basic understanding why it's not a good idea to open up a ward with women who've just given birth to men who are not patients.

good post leonie.

tiggz in your position i'd have a homebirth. no need to put yourself through the whole hospital thing unless there is an actual medical reason. the reassurance of clinical support isn't worth the dehumanisation imo.

although i have my own baggage on this. but so does everyone else who has posted too i expect

LOL at the OP accusing Lulu of having 'offensive opinions'

Sorry I think everyone is being a bit lot mean to the OP - its totally different being left with a 2 week old baby in own house whilst DP is at work then being left with a 4 hour old newborn right after labour in a post natal ward FFS. Completely reasonable that she is very worried about it.

It never occured to me that DH would be able to stay on post natal ward. I mean of course he couldn't with other women there trying to sleep.

My SIL had to labour both times on her own as she was induced (14 days late) in the evening, and her DH had to leave at 10pm and wasn't allowed back until the morning - she wasn't allowed into the labour ward until in established labour (he would have been allowed back then) - and her mum wasn't allowed to stay either. IMO thats more unfair/difficult than being on a ward post-natally.

OP: I agree with what the others said about staying at home for absolutely as long as possible at the start. Most people with a first baby go in far too early. If you haven't already hire a TENS now as it can make a difference to pain and can help you stay at home for that bit longer.

Nobody likes hospitals. You just have to cope.

I did say in my post that I know that there is no way round it.

But I can totally see why the OP i worried and feeling anxious about it. I know it was a concern of my own. It was one of the key times I really could have done with some support fom my nearest and dearest, but it just isn't possible is it? Doesnt mean it makes us feel any better about it. And IME the nurses and midwives just did not give any support at all -a nd that was despite me still being numb after a cs and unable to move. How was I supposed to care for a newborn? I remember it being very stressful, not the most calm and relaxed way to begin motherhood really.

It is a shame there isn't an alternative for those who want it. But as things stand it just isn't possible. It isnt fair on other mothers on the ward I agree. And the costs unvolved in lots of private roos are not fasible either.

fishie thnx im going to nxt time definately

expactin scotland one of her comments i found offensive thts why i asked

hulababy thanx hun, they make me feel vunrable too but as soon as im in my comfort zone at home il be fine

Many people found some of your comments offensive, tiggz, but they did not tell you to stop posting.

The nature of this board is different from many others. This is something to keep in mind whilst posting.

mumnwlondon thanku, yes it seems as though people can be a bit mean lol, and im glad you think i have the right to be worried and anxious and im also glad you agrree its totally different abt being left alone.

expactinscotland my comment was an opinion that happend to offend ppl, not my fault. it wasnt a direct comment towards certain ppl. where as callin me a stroppy teenager was direct to me, my opinion was to the nhs subject not to a specific person

expatinscotland I've just been telling my husband how much I like this board because you get blunt honest comments instead of pussyfooting around.

Tiggz, if I were you I would speak to your midwife about it all and see if you can arrange a homebirth. There isn't much that HAS to be done in advance. My neice was born at home with no preparation at all, the midwife saw my SIL on the day for a routine visit, she realised labour had started and decided not to go in.

It's not too late, at least not until the baby has actually arrived.

I absolutely hated my husband leaving me and dd, I was distraught, but really it's not such a big deal 2 yrs on.

You do come across as rather immature, tbh, tiggz.

would love to know where I have been offensive

I think it is a bit much to brand the NHS and its workers lazy, then call me and others offensive for sticking up for the NHS

you asked 'Am I right to insist on DP staying with me against hspital rules?' the answer is a resounding, no, you are not right, and with that coems some forthright opinions

you've had a lot of good , supportive advice and had the rationale explained mltiple times, but you're still choosing to ignore everything and everyone that does not chime with your viewpoint

you might well look back on this and cringe in a few days

i am glad that you are getting this out of your system before labour amd taking it out on a message board rather than your MW

18, text speak, from another country, doesn't like the NHS.

Have we had this thread before?

From another country?

I missed that.

ah i was offensvie for suggesting teh OP should have checked the hospital visiting rules before being 41 weeks pregnant

{hmm]

lulu i never said you was offensive i said madame was!
im not from another country, no idea where that came from.
im not ignoring people im just not responding to irrelevent stuff thats nothing to do with my thread