A i right to insist DP staying with me against hospital rules?

[tiggz]

My dp and mum are goin to be my birthing partners but at the hospital im giving birth in, the policy is they can stay with me throughout the childbirth, but if my baby isnt born within the visiting hours of 12-8pm, my DP may have to leave me as its not visiting hours and i will be alone, right after having the baby, they say its because they like to give the mum plenty of rest, but if my DP isnt there with me i will only be unsettled, i'l get more rest just knowing he's beside me, not only that, i just want him there and why would he want to leave me and his newborn?
I dont want to be the anoying patient but do you think id be right to insist on him staying there. i dont want to be alone!

wubblybubbly that would be very nice

norwich norfolk hospital in the uk, its known for one of the best maternity units in the uk also where my dp stayed overnight with me when i had a MMC.

Ladyintheradiator - there are some NHS hospitals that allow partners to stay.

eg the nearest hospital to me is a MLU - Edgware birth centre where all rooms have double beds and you stay in the room ypu gave birth in until you are ready to leave .... of course you get transfered if there are any issues because no doctors onsite - but if this is something you are really concerned (ie partner having to leave) there are some NHS hospitals that allow partners to stay.

And someone else said £50 for a private room - when I had DD 6 years ago it was £150 and there were not even any available.

ok thnku also didnt know some units had this, we are having a midwifery ran labor unit being built here, would that be any different to a hospital for dps stayin does anyone knw? i dnt think its ready yet but for future referecne?

ladyintheradiator no cors not

Leoniedelt I maybe didn't quite understand the gist of your post about fate (you mentioned 'after'...'days', so I presumed you meant kind of after you got home). So I have myself for being daft, I do apologise.

OP you will be fine. Your DP may well be hopeless at/after the birth anyway, no personal slight intended.

Ladyinthe radiator, you say tiggz was

"...largely uninterested in the support, advice, and helpful posts when she started the thread."

I really don't see that in tiggz's posts.

thanku

I agree Leonie, the NHS is brilliant and I'll always, always, be grateful for the treatment I've received but that doesn't mean to say we can't all look at how services can be delivered in a better way where possible.

It's not that long ago that fathers were expected to do no more than pace the corridor and smoke a cigar, so I guess we're moving in the right direction.

Not all MLU let partners stay, I know that Slough MLU has the same rules as the postnatal ward.

I just had a look at the website of the hospital where I had my DC and they now have a 'modern, hotel-like facility' where your partner can stay with you for 24 hours after birth. Well I never

tiggz I'm bowing out now, due to a restless DD3 who is still BFed and is particularly hungry at the moment (I can hear her stirring).

I will repeat 'good luck, I hope the birth goes well'. I will be thinking of you, having gone at least 10 days + with all 3 of mine

I bet you didn't think that your post would result in a full-blown dissection of how the NHS could be improved.

Look, I know you feel you've been given a rough ride but many of us were trying to help you......

shininhiny thanku ever sso much, i knw and im greatful fro those who have been nice and helped. xx

Yes but Leonie, to re-design existing hospitals costs money the NHS just doesn't have. Any whilst it might be nice to have one's DH on tap throughout one's stay, like others have pointed out it's not as if you are in for very long nowadays; personally I would far rather my tax money was spent on other things than a postnatal ward with accommodation for my DH. Like enough SCBU nurses. Like one-to-one midwifery care.

We can't have everything we want because we can't afford it; or, rather, we are not willing to pay high enough taxes to fund it. The NHS has finite resources and should cut its coat accordingly. Pouting about one's DH being sent home when transferred to the PN ward is the least of our worries I reckon. PN women are generally (all normal caveats applying) the wellest "patients" in the hospital. I think it's selfish to be jumping up and down demanding more. It's all a bit Pregzilla tbh.

I have worked on wards where patients were dying and next of kins were sleeping upright in a chair next to the bed. If double beds are going to get handed out it should be to them and not to the DHs down on the maternity unit.

well think il look into the MLU here then! when its built anyway! i didnt feel as though i was uninterested either, i tried to reply to every1s comments the good and the bad!

leonie i wish it was like that everywhere, it'd be really good!its encourging to think it can be done tho

Leonie - the post did say mainly, not definitely, and yes your situation was extreme BUT I had a 48 hour labour with DH with me all the time followed by a very unpleasant emcs. No I couldn't move easily, or change my child and had a great big wound too, but it was far better that my DH was at home getting some rest. I got a little bit of rest but as another post says my hormones were in overload and even though exhausted I spent my moments awake looking at my child.

What we are all talking about here is where a birth goes relatively smoothly with no consequences for baby or mother and probably a short amount of time alone.

don't get me wrong op, I appreciate that it isn't nice being in hospital and have been there myself, but the amount of time you are talking about is hopefully very very small in the scheme of things. I wish you luck with your birth and please remember that you aren't being penalised for not having your dp with you, the majority of the birthing mothers in this country are not allowed to have their DP with them in a hospital.

As you are so concerned can I suggest that even at this late stage you discuss with your midwife alternative hospitals/MLU for delivery and one that may be more what you are looking for? I appreciate it is late but if you were away visiting relatives in a different part of the country you wouldn't have to journey to the hospital you are currently going to to give birth so until the baby actually comes you do still have a choice.

Littlesilver, I don't think anyone is suggesting the NHS should find the budget to re-design existing maternity units, but perhaps when new units are built, such things might be considered?

If we can have new hospitals built with smart hotel like receptions and private rooms all within the same financial budget, then why not?

Have only got as far as page 3 but wanted to stay to stripey thankyou for explaning in your original post why it is necessary for dps to be excluded from the ward at night. I felt resentment and abandonment because dp was not allowed to accompany me on to the ward in the middle of the night after difficult 1st birth but I can now understand why it is necessary.

Tiggz hopefully you will give birth early in the morning and it will all be fine. Maybe explain your fears at your next appointment (or when you arrive at hospital) if you do this in a respectful way without insisting on anything they will prob do what they can in the circumstances to help you and maybe let you stay together on the delivery suite for as long as poss? On a practical note if you do give birth in the middle of the night try to ensure you get to the toilet and have a clean up before going on to the ward that way your dm or dp can help you if you are wobbley. Then if you dont have to worry about getting out of bed once you are on the ward you can just relax feed the baby and try to get some sleep. Hope it all goes well for you but you need to go in with a positive attitude towards the people who work there for this to happen.

No, indeed, why not wubbly? No arguments with that.

I just feel that there is a bit of an insufferable sense of "entitlement" floating about (not just on this thread btw, this is not a slanted dig at anyone in particular) Just because we're pregnant doesn't make us any more "deserving" than any other NHS patient, yet there is a real "Me first" mentality noticeable. I think we need to acknowledge just how extremely lucky we are and stop asking for more.

to add to pookey's post - be as nice as you possibly can be to the midwives, they got a lot of crap from us birthing mothers, you want to stand out from the crowd for all the good reasons rather than the bad ones, being polite and nice will get you further than if you have a negative attitude towards them. It might not always seem like it but they are there to see you and your baby safely through the journey you are about to take.

As a suggestion, perhaps take a packet of biscuits with you specifically for them, they are run off their feet most of the time and a little bit of a sugar rush between patients will always be gratefully recieved, they don't have to be posh and expensive as it is the thought that counts.

pookey thanx alot. yh i intend on having a possitive attitude but i will definatly disscuss it with them, and thnx i hope itl be in the morning to, wish you could choose exactly when you have your baby that would be ideal ha ha