A i right to insist DP staying with me against hospital rules?

[tiggz]

My dp and mum are goin to be my birthing partners but at the hospital im giving birth in, the policy is they can stay with me throughout the childbirth, but if my baby isnt born within the visiting hours of 12-8pm, my DP may have to leave me as its not visiting hours and i will be alone, right after having the baby, they say its because they like to give the mum plenty of rest, but if my DP isnt there with me i will only be unsettled, i'l get more rest just knowing he's beside me, not only that, i just want him there and why would he want to leave me and his newborn?
I dont want to be the anoying patient but do you think id be right to insist on him staying there. i dont want to be alone!

And even is you self discharge you have to have been advised as of the legal standing and be advised of your risks by a qualified doctor who may be dealing with someone who is actually properly life threateningly ill.

It's not AIBU, it's a childbirth question and, IMVHO, a perfectly valid one. I was 38 and I had no idea that was the standard practice. Guess I'm a stupid little girl too.

Conversely Leonie, my DH is a lovely man and great father, but utterly clueless with a newborn and not really massively helpful in the first, ooh, ten months post-natally! Really, would much rather not have to worry about him/get peeved at him. Far better to enjoy the rest by myself.

wubbly did you REALLY think your DH was put up ? On a maternity ward? Really?

Ok leoniedelt we had different experiences. I found the time after about day 3 or 4, when my milk came in and sleep deprivation really kicked in, a lot more difficult than the first 24 hours when my body was awash with hormones to keep me happy.....

'Resigned to my fate' sounds pretty dire. It's a baby, not fate.

The USA is completely different - no underfunded/overstretched NHS with fewer beds than patients. Sorry, not an argument that applies here.

And then we get the I have been found out talking a lot of shit posts - LOL!!!

scardypants i knw my brother and mum are dyslexic thts why i found it offensive.
its fine you dont agree, i wish there was some sort of way everyones needs could be accomodated for but unfortunately theres not!
some people just dont let go or give up! still going on with the imature little girl thing, alot of woman or all ages feel vunralble in hospitals

I was 19,I have no parents or family just dh- I was to all intents and purposes 'alone',I was scared,Id had a c section my baby was very poorly on a machine that breathed for him -I was in a room alone but I could hear other babies crying.

I was scared,frightened and lonely but I coped and I didnt feel the need to abuse the staff caring for me nor did I resent them in their efforts to care for me.

I was also vv overdue -much more that the O.P.

There is no excuse for ignorance.

In an ideal world, the NHS labour and delivery would be more like the USA, with private , large, spacious rooms, all with en suite toilet and birth pools, if you need induction of labour you are induced in that room, your AN , intra and PN care is all done in that room, with plenty of space for the birth partners and dad.

but we can't discuss the NHS on this thread

and no-one wants to pay more tax to improve invenstment in the NHS and other public services.

so we have to work within those constraints

Littlesilver, I didn't think he'd be put up, bed and breakfast style, no, I suppose not. I just mistakenly assumed that he'd be allowed to stay with me after the birth of our child until I felt ready to be on my own. I hadn't given any thought to the practicalities of it. All of my focus was on the labour and the birth, rather than what happened afterwards.

"alot of woman or all ages feel vunralble in hospitals"

This is why random blokes aren't allowed to be walking about the wards at all hours. Surely you see that.

But it's because the NHS is state funded that you don't get individual rooms! The NHS may think it would be lovely for women to have their own rooms after they've given birth but it doesn't take a genius to realise that they are going to be significantly more expensive than wards. Building costs, laundry, staff, time taken to do rounds, etc etc.

Some of these posts are appalling!

This is a thread in childbirth, not AIBU, posted by someone who is young and panicking about giving birth, after having a bad experience in hospital! I was 36 when I had dd1 and felt terrified and vulnerable throughout my stay.

Not all of the issues and problems with staff in hospitals are because they are overstretched, like any vast institution that employs thousands of people, some will be amazing at there job, and some will be crap.

Leonie, I think you are extrapolating tbh.

You say "we have to accept because we're using the NHS" If you have the funds, you can choose private healthcare. If you don't you use the NHS. The NHS is NOT a bottomless pit, no matter what people think or attempt to treat it as being. I would far rather the NHS concentrated its maternity funding on SCBUs/crack babies rather than double beds for the middle classes. Really we are a horribly spoiled generation. Our children won't have it as good as this I am sure.

In the US you either have extortionateprivate healthcare with all the added bits and bobs or you are uninsured and exceptionally vulnerable. I would have the NHS over US healthcare anyday of the week.

wubbly your not just a silly little girl, some people just dont understand us i supose, and i agree if your not told any different why would you assume other wise?
tapeworm yes i do and i understand the rule, just wish it was different and all peoples needs could be satisfied

Leoniedelt But we don't have to accept it. We can choose to go private and pay for our healthcare as in the USA.

Most of us do accept the NHS for being the wonderful, flawed system it is though.

OP I think (but I'm not 100 percent) that the 'discussion' bit about DPs staying is in relation to SCBU.

tiggz, hope you are managing to get some rest before the birth of your baby. Hope it all goes well.

Sorry that you didn't realise that your partner can spend the night in hospital with you. It's a shame that you weren't informed about that and it now seems like it was dropped on you 'like a ton of bricks' but what is obvious to some people might not have occurred to you.

Maybe look at it from your DP's point of view. If this is your first labour, it is likely to be a long labour, and will be exhilarating and maybe even scary at some points for him (have you seen "One Born Every Minute"?) So, he might be desperate to go home, change his clothes, get something to eat, catch up on some sleep whilst you recover in the hospital.

If the baby arrives at a reasonable hour, you might be able to get home, or you might be so tired sleeping off your labour that you don't care who is there or not there.

Yes, it is one of my (only) criticisms of the fabulous NHS that a post-partum woman then has sole charge of her new-born baby but until they find a better system, you will have to deal with it. In fact, that could be a mantra for most parenting grumbles!

Think also about the other women on your ward; they really don't want strange men around whilst they are lying their with their (sore) boobs out, bleeding and not at their best, but just wanting some quiet time with their tiny new baby.

Good luck, and a friendly word of warning, it's not a good idea to call NHS workers lazy just because they are following their working practices.

she had her children in the uk

Funnily enough, I've just had an op in a NHS hospital, brand new building, all private rooms, private bathrooms.

It seems it can be done when it's considered necessary to the patients health and well being.

Perhaps in the future materntiy wards will be built to accomdate partners?