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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

What you don't read in the books about childbirth......

188 replies

bugsymalone · 08/05/2009 21:33

Here are my contributions from personal experience.....

Post C-section you'll have the worse flatulence of your life!

Post vaginal delivery the midwife will stick a finger up your bum to check she hasn't sewn you together. Even more alarmingly rather than thinking wtf! you'll hardly batt an eyelid!

AND THE MOST REDICULOUS THING READ IN A CHILDBIRTH BOOK

Ex. Miriam Stoppard that when the baby's head is crowning you should relax your perinium ! Personally I didn't have the mental faculties left at that point to relax anything!

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oneyummymummy · 09/05/2009 17:31

That having an epidural for an emergency c-section doesn't always work, and you may find yourself punching the anestheatist(sp??) through pure pain that cannot be described!!

I didn't read about this before and suprisingly I can't find much info about it now anywhere. If only I knew it was a possibility I might not have thought I was going to die before seeing my baby!

SouthMum · 09/05/2009 17:42

Veryscared, I was sh*tting myself at the thought of childbirth. Mine was pretty horrific with one thing or another, but you ask anyone on here and they will all tell you the same thing - it was worth it.

I would go through it again without pain relief if I had to, and I am already having thoughts about when to have the next one so it can't be that bad! x

creamcaramella · 09/05/2009 17:43

That Toblerone white actually eases contractions and makes the baby come out quick.

*Take note Febe and veryscaredleonifay!

DoNotAnnoy · 09/05/2009 17:44

Oh and the hideous leg cramps immeditely after birth. I went to stand up and simultaneously got cramp in both my thighs and coollapsed to be caught by teh MWs.

VeryScared - bear in mind that whilst many of us hae events thatdiffer from expectations - many of us don't suffer half these things. I don't recall minge cramps, for example - or after pains.

There is also another way to look at it - nothing sheould be unexpected to you now

TwentiethCenturyHeffa · 09/05/2009 17:48

Veryscared - I was reading this thread, nodding in agreement to a lot of it and thinking how much I can't wait to do it again! I might be a bit crazy though

PacificDogwood · 09/05/2009 17:48

To all those reading this thread who are due to deliver soon :

None of the books really tell you either that labour and delivery is the most EXHILERATING thing you will ever do in you entire life - even compared to sky diving, deep sea diving, trekking or any other exciting activity you can think of!!
And the sense of achievement afterwards blew me away. Yes, yes, hormones and all that, but for somebody who has never ever experienced an exercise related high, well, I have obviously never exercised hard enough, other than in labour !!

PatTheHammer · 09/05/2009 17:49

Good luck Febes and veryscared, it will be fine! But yes, this is all true!

Thebolter- Am I a bit weird that I quite liked the smell of my newborns? Had to resist the urge to lick DS when he was fresh out. Mind you none of that gunky vernix (he was a WB). The toilets were foul though!

Southmum- PMSL at your midwife, did she say that in a Gavin and Stacey style accent?

janey68 · 09/05/2009 18:04

I wish the books had told me that if you opt for the epidural route with your first baby, you can be lulled into a false sense of security with your second!

I went for a very medical birth first time round (bit of a coward, me!) and had an epidural. It was no picnic, and I was a bit bashed and bruised (forceps) but even so, second time round I thought 'I can do this with just gas and air!'. Bloody hell, I didn't know what pain was till that! And that was second baby, so my body had done it all before!I am in awe of mums who manage natural births first time round!

Other thing I wish the books had said is that you can get a surge of energy after giving birth and you feel like you can run a marathon, but actually you nearly collapse after walking 2 metres across the room!

Febes · 09/05/2009 18:08

DD is 17 months so I remember very well. Oh well its just one day of you life (hopefully)

SouthMum · 09/05/2009 18:10

PatTheHammer - lol she was that sort of character yes, just very "oh well, you might not pee right again but hey-ho, life goes on. Now where did I leave my speculum....."

creamcaramella · 09/05/2009 18:19

TwentiethCenturyHeffa you'r not alone. I guess i'm a bit crazy too.

TheProvincialLady · 09/05/2009 18:19

OOooooh southmum, I had something similar. I had to have a catheter for nearly 3 weeks and when I went to have it taken out and had my first wee I nearly cried with gratitude that I could still go and hold it in of my own accord. No one wants to tell you it will all be OK in case you sue them, I reckon!

drosophila · 09/05/2009 18:23

Midwives can be squeamish. I was asked by the midwife had I been constipated leading up to the delivery as there was sooo much poo during the second stage. I knew it bothered her during the delivery too. I tell you I didn't care.

Lotster · 09/05/2009 18:25

That a big headed baby can leave you with a lovely 'ribbed' effect, made out of stretch marks on the inside of your bum cheeks... Anyone else had this horror?

acebaby · 09/05/2009 18:28

that even if your birth was quite straightforward, you may not be able to hold in wee or farts for several days while your pelvic floor (partially!) recovers .

that you should bring in loads of your own bottled water, because you might not have free access to drinking water and you will be thirstier than you have ever been

that you should pack a small overnight case with things you and baby will need during and after the birth, ideally before you go into labour (4 days overdue). Perhaps this could be called a 'hospital bag'.

that you should actually read some of the material your midwife gives you (particularly the section on practical preparations for the birth!)

PatTheHammer · 09/05/2009 18:41

Acbaby- whilst on the ward after my second I had to open my bumcheeks with my hands to let out the huge great big farts without making any noise, those little curtains are certainly not soundproof. Went home after 10 hours so I could fart in peace

acebaby · 09/05/2009 18:49

lol PatTheHammer. Now there's a tip to send into woman's own...

poshsinglemum · 09/05/2009 18:50

This thread is fab.
That gas and air is great.
That labour can be a precise science to do with cm dilations and hours and mins (for the midwives and esp if overdue)
That I would get pissed off with the mv obsession with cm dilation and that I should be progressing etc.
The smelly copious blood afterwards.
The dissapointment I would feel that I had to have an e c-section.

tvfriend · 09/05/2009 18:58

That sometimes it's not actually that painful.... How annoying am I??!! Although granted the 'ring of fire' was like medieval torture but that was only 5 mins out of a generally OK 12 hours...

(But first labour was agony)

LuluLulabelleWantsANewName · 09/05/2009 19:16

That your feet and calves swell up to elephant woman proportions after giving birth and won't fit in the slippers you bought especially for the hospital!

popsycal · 09/05/2009 19:24

that it can be short, manageable and a positive experience

i'll get me coat ;)

Debs75 · 09/05/2009 19:31

That a shy reserved woman suddenly doesn't mind who sees ladybits, from mw to doctor to the cleaner.

The first poo is agony

Mw's have cold hands when shoving your boobs in baby's mouth to get him to latch.

Meconium is like the manky oil in your car and is a bugger to get out of clothes.

For the 1st day your baby will be sick mucus. another reason not to sleep!

The threat of forceps, cutting or c-section is more effective then dh/p saying 'you can do it' in quite a pathetic voice

PortBlacksandResident · 09/05/2009 19:39

That if you have a third degree tear and are stitched for 45 mins using jolly purple stitches - you will continue to find aforementioned purple stitches popping out on the loo roll for MONTHS afterwards.

That if you have your feet in stirrups (forceps delivery) your legs will look for days afterwards like those noodles children have while swimming.

That no matter how traumatic your birth and how painful the recovery (blue baby (agpar 1), five minutes to get DS breathing, floppy baby, cord round neck, many months of light box physio for me) - there will always be a story that makes you think 'there but for the grace of god'.

woollyjo · 09/05/2009 19:48

That afterward you feel like the cleverest person in the world.

And having carried a very wriggly baby I could still feel her move for a day or so after even though she was in her cot!

pulapula · 09/05/2009 20:02
  1. That your MW might say as she leaves the delivery room shortly after you've arrived "and if you get the urge to push, just push" . She hadn't even checked if i was fully dilated and I think i expected 1-2-1 attention as i arrived 7cm dilated.
  1. That even if you had low BP throughout pg, you might not be allowed out afterwards for 5 days as your BP then goes sky high (thought it was usually the other way round).
  1. That you might never get the "urge to push".
  1. That you might flood the ward when you get out of bed for your first wee of the day (2 days running) and spend 6 months seeing a physio as your pelvic floor was non-existent after childbirth

By the way, after my second baby (elective c-section delivery), I did get a cup of tea in the recovery room (absolute bliss as i'd been nil by mouth for 12 hours), so sorry to those who didn't. And i'm due to have my third baby (c-section on Tuesday), so glad to see there aren't too many horror stories about sections!