Oh god I could write a book!:
That when you're pregnant for the first time, don't bother listening to any tales like these cos you will never, ever relate to them until you've been through it - don't worry.
That after you've given birth, you will forever want to tell anyone you can about your birth story in rich detail, and that's why baby cafes are so good cos you have an attentive audience
That while you are trying to learn to breastfeed in hospital (expressed while baby was given donated), you won't care if the 'menu collector' person comes into your cubicle when you tits are hooked up to cow-grade industrial breast pump - you will even welcome them in like a long-lost friend.
That no one will read your birth plan and no one will care what sort of birth you wanted - tough shit love.
That if you try to refuse an induction they will accuse you of not caring about your baby. once induced, they will deny the pain is worse than normal labour and refuse gas and air as you're not dilated enough.
That they will stick a pain killer up your arse after a c-section and not tell you. And no, there is no fabled 'tea & toast' after a c-section. On the upside, they won't chuck DP out at 3am as you've had major surgery.
That if you bravely get up 12 hours after a c-section, they will leave you alone in the shower room and when you take your knickers off, blood will flood the floor like you're in a scene from Saw V.
That threatening to throw yourself out of the nearest window cos they won't let you go home (all packed & ready to go but bp was a tiny bit up and 'we need to check with consultant but she's in theatre') won't work but demanding to self-discharge will.
That you must be brave and stand up for yourself, and have reasons for your choices, and not cave in when they ask 'why do you want that' during labour..so that you don't get walked all over by crappy midwives.
God i'd do it differently next time!