BIRTH TRAUMA SUPPORT THREAD.

[VictorianSqualor]

As has come up on a number of threads, many of us seem to have suffered from birth trauma.

It's all well and good knowing facts and figures, which of course, can ease our fears slightly, but with every birth having a chance of going severely wrong, adding that to birth trauma issues is going to convince us that we could be in whatever small percentage of people do suffer from our fears.

This thread is to help us come to terms with what happened during our previous births that left us with these emotional scars and to support each other through the journeys that we will go through in both our minds and possible future/current pregnancies.

There have been previous threads on which people have oupoured their experiences but acknowledgement and discussion is more than each of us telling our own experiences, so I ask that not only do we tell our own stories but we acknowledge other's and help them to discuss their past too.

Giving birth should be a calm, and beautiful thing, not one full of fear and panic.

Hi Marjee and First1, it was really good to see your messages. Actually my bum area wasn't too painful after the birth, surprisingly, maybe. But the damage has spoiled sex for me. Can't be done with the man behind - far too uncomfortable.
I WAS told, as I said before, that an operation (going in via the perineum) could be done to return my anal canal from a 'gutter' to a 'drainpipe' again. The doc at the hospital though, very decently clarified that it probably wouldn't make any difference to discomfort in sex. He also said, if I remember rightly, that I'd need to wear huge sanitary towels for TEN WEEKS (!)which, to me, gave a good indication that the operation would be a very scary one with lots of scope for making matters worse. The doc also did say that, with operations, there was a law of diminishing returns.

I'm too much of a coward to let medics play about with that part of my body again, I think (though I really do appreciate your words of encouragement). IF with the passage of time I feel I'm at risk of becoming incontinent (at the moment it's only WIND I can't always hold in - which is bad enough - then yes, I shall put myself in their hands again, and hope they can help.

Incidentally, I don't know why no attention is paid to family history of pregnant women. My mother had three caesarians and my only sister had a caesarian birth for her only child. Surely that was a good indication that MY body wasn't likely to perform as it should in childbirth?

Thanks again for the messages - it was kind of you and I really appreciate it.

1944girl I'd be very interested to read your birth stories. I've posted mine here and actually found it quite cathartic, maybe you will too.

First1 I really hope you're healing well from your op. I'm sadly not surprised at your consultant's reaction to your problem. I didn't have a single check after my episiotomy, I found that mws attitude towards me once I'd had ds was just shut up and get on with it. I really want another baby and had planned to ttc next year sometime but now I'm seriously considering saving up for an independent midwife so that I can be certain that I will get adequate postnatal care.

Dotnet I'm glad to hear that you are managing your symptoms but I think first1's story shows that its always worth asking for a second opinion.

Hello First1 and Marjee and also Bluecollie -I've just read your post, Bc, and wow - you had an horrendous time. Human beings really aren't evolved for passing babies through their bodies, are they? How I wish I could just have laid a small egg (I wouldn't have sat on it and I would have kept it warm, I promise.)
It's just awful when it turns out the person taking care of you when things are on a knife edge, isn't able to cope or spot the warning signs in time.
Actually I wish in retrospect I had made a massive fuss and demanded a caesarian- made such a fuss that they'd have given me one just to keep me quiet!
First1, I apologise for not having properly acknowledged your post - your experience was just dreadful. There are good docs and bad docs - just because they're all clever people doesn't mean they are all equally sensitive/perceptive/empathetic; some of them, like all the rest of us, fall down on the job sometimes. How awful for you to have found yourself crying all day with pain, at a time when you'd be 'fragile' anyway, what with not getting enough sleep and having to come to terms with the MASSIVE change in your life which a baby brings.
I think I must have had a degree of postnatal depression, I'm not sure. I do remember frightening myself once; I was at the top of the stairs with my baby in my arms and had this massive urge to throw her down. It was my rational mind which told me not to; it was as if I was two people, in conflict. But the nicest thing about having a small baby, it surprised me a lot, - was finding myself practically mobbed when I went out with her; complete strangers were so nice. On the bus once, another passenger even gave me £1 'for the baby's box'!
I hope you get on fine now, First1, now that you've been helped a lot by the second operation. If you go on to have another child in the future, you'll be able to argue your corner for the sort of birth you want, and I should think you WILL be listened to. The bad time you went through will all be there, in your notes.
Re your further message, Marjee - I'm just too much of a coward. But yours weren't wasted words - I do know there's a possibility things could be improved, and MAYBE in the future I'll present myself to the medics again and see if they can convince me that being opened up again would be a good idea!

Oh 1944girl that sounds horrendous and utterly terrifying! I think you're right that women usually have the option of an elcs after emcs these days (I'm not 100% sure as I didn't have a cs but thats the impression I get from reading things on here). No wonder you spent your 2nd pregnancy in fear after what happened the first time. I think the mother's mental wellbeing is taken much more seriously these days too thankfully. I'm glad you and your dcs made a good recovery.

1944girl - that's shocking - you have made me glad I chose ELCS. Though some time has passed & you would hope this wouldn't happen nowadays, I wouldn't be so sure! I think even now you really have to be your own advocate.

Hello 1944girl. How frightening that both your babies had low Apgar scores after the nightmare of their births. I think I'll look 'apgar score' up - like you, I don't know whether a low one is seen as a possible indicator of future problems.
About elective Caesarians - when I got pregnant with child no. 2, my GP asked me if I would prefer a Caesarian this time, - or to give birth naturally and get repaired immediately afterwards? I said I wanted the Caesarian. He was rather a puritan, that GP, and I could tell he disapproved. But I really think I would have been INSANE to have chosen the alternative!
However, it never came to that. I miscarried, and my marriage was in trouble at that time anyway, so there were no more chidren and I never got to find what an elective Caesarian would have been like.
My sister did, though, and she found it perfectly OK - although she needed every day of the month she took off work following the birth; in fact I thought she could have done with a little longer; but she was determined.
I agree with you that epidural pain relief in childbirth is the most wonderful blessing in recent (well, since the late sixties) years. I bet, like me, you sometimes half wish you could turn back time and try giving birth again, but getting it 'right' this time?

But you know, I don't think our birth fiascos could have been helped; it's an unpredictable business, I suppose - and it's horrible to think that, up until WW2 (and later, huge numbers of women actually died while doing their level best to produce their offspring. So sad. :(

I had hell as far as Im concerned... in my pregnancy and my birth!

I got to the hospital quite happy (huge abviously expecting a big baby)... I was 4.5cm and waited 5hrs. The docs then said I was still at 4.5cm so they finally broke my waters. Another 5hrs later (actually in pain now) I was 6cm , at this time I still had no pain relief and to be honest was in agony. I had one of those take the edge of the screams injections (I swear it didnt do anything). I was put on a drip which was sped up to something like "32". 5hrs later I was passing out in pain... only 8cm according to them. They lost the babies heartbeat but it was the midwifes fault as she didnt have the monitor band on properly (she was reasurring... not). I was then at 21hrs of hell and thats on from 4.5cm. They was going to give me a c-sec but two mums were already in there. The baby the whole time was still up and hadnt come all the way down and all the contractions were through my back. I decided to push as 9cm whether they liked it or not. It took me a while as I had to push him all the way as he wasnt all the way down.

The midwifes told me I was scrazed but as soon as she went off shift suddenly three of them walked in told me I had lost 2pints of bloody after having 1st degree tears. I then had stiches (still with no pain relief) and injections down below. I couldnt walk for week.

Worst time ever... I love kids and would love to have more but dont think I could ever go through that again.

Dotnet - so sorry about your second, what a tragedy.

Lolly, even I felt I might pass out, reading your story.

1944, 'local handy woman' - I love the euphemism! I caught a bit of a program on the BBC yesterday about the history of midwifery. One point I thought was interesting was that it was when men became involved in midwifery: 1. they started charging for it... and 2. perhaps because of their love of gadgets, they started to use tools like the forceps.

1944girl, you should start calling your sons 'tb1'and 'tb2' without explaining why. When they ask, just say mysteriously, 'I have my reasons.' It will drive them mad. A small payback for what they did to you all those years ago?!

marjee/dotnet - thanks for your concerns re my recovery. Been seeing consultant practically every week - couldn't recommend her enough, if ever anyone is in need of an amazing gynaecologist I will sing her praises for ever! She said I am now "anatomically perfect" with a "beautiful perineum" - that's the last word I'd ever come up with for that region but hey! Pre-op I had endo-anal ultrasound tests, and whilst I've had no incontinence issues apart from the fact I cant quite hold on as long as I use to, consultant has said next time ELCS, which I am fineeee with!

1944 girl - you are one amazing woman!

I'm booked for a birth debrief next week with a midwife who will help me go through my notes. Has any one got any advice as what to ask or other gerneral advice please. I had severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP which lead to a crash section. I've had PND since ( 18 months).

I'd forgotten I'd posted on this thread but am now nearly 12 weeks pregnant again and all the birth feelings came back at my booking appointment last week. Reading my post, it's all still surprisingly raw. The midwife, of all people, said it didn't matter as obviously my son arrived safely but she did redeem herself by telling me they have a counsellor who is a midwife at the hospital and I have referred myself to them. I am not hoping for miracles just to put things into perspective for birth number 2. One thing I did discover in my new maternity notes was apparently I had a post partum haemorrage which must have been when I was in theatre. I am probably reluctantly going to have to ask for a ELCS but who knows, perhaps things will better this time.