BIRTH TRAUMA SUPPORT THREAD.

[VictorianSqualor]

As has come up on a number of threads, many of us seem to have suffered from birth trauma.

It's all well and good knowing facts and figures, which of course, can ease our fears slightly, but with every birth having a chance of going severely wrong, adding that to birth trauma issues is going to convince us that we could be in whatever small percentage of people do suffer from our fears.

This thread is to help us come to terms with what happened during our previous births that left us with these emotional scars and to support each other through the journeys that we will go through in both our minds and possible future/current pregnancies.

There have been previous threads on which people have oupoured their experiences but acknowledgement and discussion is more than each of us telling our own experiences, so I ask that not only do we tell our own stories but we acknowledge other's and help them to discuss their past too.

Giving birth should be a calm, and beautiful thing, not one full of fear and panic.

Tclanger as first timers we really had no idea of what could happen in reality... mind you how can they prepare you for all these scenarios without terrifying us out of our wits... No one ever mentioned we might all end up being traumatised for years.

I'm just hoping second time around knowledge/experience has to be a help.

Tclanger, it is absolutely PTSD. That was one of the things that I had no clue about initially. I thought that one could only have PND following a traumatic birth. I was lucky enough to have a friend who is a therapist. She is the first to have said "No, this is more than PND, it is PTSD". That was a very helpful first step in finding the therapy I needed.

I had pre-eclampsia with ds2 and had premature rupture of membranes. I panicked a little b/c we had carefully planned an elective section. Fortunately my lovely OB calmed me down right away by saying, "We're just doing it a little earlier than planned but nothing else has changed."

I'm going out of town tomorrow and may not be able to post until next week but there are some wonderful MNers who are on this thread. Just don't think I've abandoned it

I don't know whether all hospitals offer this service, but at mine, they had a service called "after birth" or something which was where a midwife with counselling experience comes to your house after reading your birth notes, and either talks you through the notes, or lets you talk through your experience and the trauma you felt. I found with my birth experience there are parts that I can't fully remember (G&A had something to do with it!) so it helped to understand the timeline and also the mw was lovely and told me how well i'd done given the difficult situation (OP, long labour etc). It didn't take the trauma all away (I had an elective cs with 2nd birth and not because i ended up with a cs first time). But worth considering for those who have had recent trauma (i didn't contact the service til maybe 3-4 months after).

I've heard of other mothers going through their notes and it does seem to be quite helpful.

Tclanger, my son has sensory problems too! I think a traumatic birth is a risk factor He is doing much better after starting occupational therapy.

LOL Tclanger, my babies do! Hoping this one will before they can do an elective on me, the antenatal teacher at the hospital thinks I have a good chance.

I know what you mean, I was rather detached through the pregnancy with Tink, I said I'd believe it when she was born but that didn't happen. When I first saw her I didn't even believe she was mine! She was huge and I didn't see anyone I knew in her. I spent the night just looking at her picture, if I hadn't been so ill myself (we don't do GA's well in my family, so I was rough from that and suffering pyrexia) I would have been in the NNU staring at her all night.

I know and have been told by everyone but my own team that I won't be able to have an epidural because I have all the same reasons as last time, so I want to avoid a CS again as it means another GA. I just hold on to the fact that having contractions for so long is encouraging her to move into the right position.

I think second babies cooperate much more tink I actually spent quite a bit of time with ds2 talking to his "spirit" iykwim. I didn't do that with ds1, just couldn't seem to get into the right frame of mind. Maybe I was rather detached like you were, I don't know.

I'm amazed at how cooperative this one has been, both my other girls were breech all the way and born breech, but this one seems to know what to do.

Tink was my third pregnancy, I lost 3-in-1 at 8 weeks then Lily-Hope at 20 weeks so I had no faith in pregnancy by the time I got pregnant with Tink. Having that pregnancy go wrong too (albeit with a positive outcome) this one has been passed detached. I guess I gained more cynicism with each pregnancy.

TinkerBellesMum i don't cope with general's either. The last op I had with a GA I took a worryingly long time (they said) to come round and when I did I managed a spectacular impression of the exorcist for quite some time. I remember looking at my quickly flooded with puddles bed thinking... I wasn't allowed to eat/drink anything before the op... where did all this liquid come from? lol. I'd forgotten about the drip... duh!

With my emergency cs I had a spinal... again i didn't do too well. They had to keep topping up the anti-nausea all the time and afterwards i was really woozy for hours I too am hoping to avoid a CS this time for those reasons. Keeping everything crossed.

I don't think it helped that they nicked my lip and scratched my throat when they intubated me! I had pyrexia when I came round so they made me have a fan on despite the pain in my back and my Raynaud's making the fan unbearable (middle of a heat wave and I'm the only patient asking for a hot water bottle in a fan shortage!) felt totally grotty for a week and could hardly talk. I saw a pic of me when Tink was 8 weeks old and I still look ill in it, even with a layer of makeup!

I've always been scared of GA. Maybe part of my fear is the loss of control but the other part is knowing all the things that can happen. Even getting a scratched throat would make one feel somewhat violated I think.

I think it is a horrible experience and I'm just glad that the only reason you get one is because it's needed. It messed me up in a way I couldn't have anticipated, I blame it for a lot of my PNI and birth trauma. Even losing a baby before that was less traumatic. Not trying to scare anyone because as I say if you're getting one then you need it and it's the better option, sometimes Mum's feelings have to come second.

Someone asked in the antenatal class how you know if an intervention is needed or just being offered. I said if a MW comes to have a chat with you, it's being offered. If your room is full of people who are ready to scrub up, each with a piece of paper in their hand and telling you they need to move you, it's needed!

Hello there, sorry to gate crash this thread but i was hoping for a little advice. i have only very recently found out i am pg with number 2 and have an booking in app with the midwife next week.

i have no good memories of the birth of ds who is now 3.

i am only 5 foot and ds was clearly a big baby. i knew i was carrying very little water and the bump was all baby. i was left to go 11 days over and finally went into labour in the early hours of the day before i was set to be induced. he was born over 30 hours later - all 9lb 5oz of him. although they put 19 hour labour on my notes. i only had gas and air and when dh asked for more pain relief for me he was told no as i was too frightened already and might react badly.

i can honestly say i thought i was going to die and the very thought of doing it again or having a bigger baby terrifies me. i spent a few days in absolute shock at what i'd gone through and was just in horrendous pain from the stiches but more so all the internal grazing.

the midwife who had looked after me seemed shocked i'd had natural birth at the hospital but had never said this baby looks too big for you before.

if i go to this app next week and ask for a planned c section what reaction do you think i will get? will i have to justify my request or is it just my choice. dont want to get off on the wrong foot and mw hate me for next 9 months but would feel so much better knowing i will be having a c section in the end.

I'm in a similar position. DD is 3 yrs old, and I'm 13 weeks pregnant.

I struck a deal with doctor - I will do my best to limit weight gain, but if despite normal weight gain on my part the baby is over 3.5 kgs, he will do a c-section on me. (Here in France, there is a standard ultrasound at 8 months, so they can tell how big baby will be)

Would a similar agreement work with you? Maybe this will not be another big baby and you could be better off delivering normally than a c-section?

mickeylou, it is the ob consultant's decision and not the midwife's.

I asked at my booking appointment with my second baby and the SHO said she would check with the consultant who said yes. It gave me peace of mind and they also said I could change my mind if I wanted later.

Hi can I join with my horror story?? Sosorry for everyone who has had a bad time, I totally sympathise mickeylou I'm thinking about a planned c/s also...am 7weeks PG now...

My waters broke at home before any contractions started. I went to hospital at 4pm and they put me on the ward and put the monitor on me - I was told if labour didn't start I could go home for up to 4 days before being induced.

I was ignored all night and at 1am they sent me home as although I was having reg contractions they were not close enough together - MW was a total bitch and said 'to be honest we haven't got enough room to keep you and you could go on like this alnight so it would be better if you just went'

Off I went home where I had been for 3 mins and then the big contractions started coming - I was so scared of going back in and being sent away again that I stayed at home until I could bear it no longer - rang the ward and bored sounding midwife huffed at me and said come in, my contractions were 3 mins apart and lasting a min.

Got in, no delivery suits free, wasn't allowed any Gas n Air on the ward so just got left.

Finally got a room where a MW said I had to stay on the bed if I wanted Gas n Air as they were too busy to stay with me - just got left with my mum. I was absolutly screaming for a MW - MW came in and said could I stop screaming as they were trying to deliver twins next door.

Got some pethidine and I had a reaction to it - started crying my eyes out ( looking back I was probably in the transition stage where you need the most support) I got a MW who walked in and said 'oh dear having a baby are we' dead sarcastically. Was told I couldn't have an epidural as too busy and they couldn't get a canular in me.

Kept being left alone then a MW came in and actually examined me and realised I was 10cm and she made me start pushing.

Had a massive bleed and they put monitor on and said baby was in severe distress and I had to push baby out ASAP - Out she came with cord wrapped round her neck twice and she was black. She had to have help to start breathing, When placenta came out there was a huge knot in the cord that was twice size of baby and she'd been cutting herself off.

Had to go to theatre to be stitched up as had a 3rd degree tear that had gone through my arse and everything.

3 hours later I was left on my own on the ward after having an apidural. They put baby on my breast while I was flat on my back with no feeling and left me there. My buzzer didn't work and I had been awake for 2 days, given birth and had an op and had no feeling, I could of smothered baby or dropped her. I screamed for somone till a tea lady came and took her off me.

Whole thing was shit, I hated it. I felt bullied my MW and there were far from kind or reasurring. The care I had before and after was terrific but I am absolutley terrified of going to hospital again but I'm too scared for a Home Birth in case of similar complications.

Was told at my 6 weeks post natal that I coud have an elective section next time - I asked MW about this last week and she said it's up to Doc. Got o be referred to see him after 10 week booking appoint.

I'm not scared about the tearing as much but more the care and am starting to feel that a section would at least provide the care ready for me. How bad is this I'm thinking major abdominal surgery would be better than getting left in the hands of MW's at hospital.

I'm torn though (pardon the pun)and as scared as I am at least I would have the knowledge of last birth and know what to expect, I can't afford an Independant MW but would love that. Also scared the Doc is gonna refuse section request.

So sorry to go on!

OMG Gillyan. thats awful. so sorry you had to go through that and your poor little one. no wonder you are frightened!

why do midwife's have to say such sarcastic things like that. i can remember the older of the two butting in to my conversation with dh with "oh did nobody tell you having a baby would hurt?" i could have dunked her in the birthing pool at that point!

I'm bringing this back onto my recent list as I need a vent and my taxi is coming, so I'll post later.

I've just sat at the bus stop outside the hospital having a good cry because I've realised what's been getting to me - I knew it, but I didn't know it, IYSWIM.

oh tinker whats wrong?