Feeling devastated about caesarean after breech baby turned again

[DefiantRabbit9]

My baby was breech I had an ECV last week and today I found out she's back to being breech. The obstetricians want to do a C section and I HATE it. All she had to do was stay put.

It feels like another dream life has robbed me of. A core fundamental experience of my being that I can't have. I feel anger, resentment and grief. I've literally done everything right and still failed.

I'm no more giving birth than when I had a 1.3kg fibroid cut out of me. Might as well have just swaddled that. I didn't go 40 years, get a 7K pay cut and exist the last 3 months in pain just to be sliced open and a flesh ball plopped on me. The reality that I will probably never give birth has destroyed my attachment to her.

Having had 2 C sections (not my choice) I can wholeheartedly say, once you get your baby out safe and sound OP, how the little cherub got here is completely irrelevant. Having a baby is about becoming a parent for the rest of your life. Not the time it took for them to arrive.

I also don’t pee myself like my friends who had natural births do (in our middle age) 😊

Please get some counselling and congratulations! 🙌🎉🍼👶🏻

You didn’t explain all that in your post though, you just said that you loved not being incontinent and attributed not being incontinent to having a c-section. So @Watchoutfortheslowaraf what does that suggest of people who give birth vaginally?

It’s this kind of pitching different births against each other that gives people like OP the issues they have. Like @IStillHearTheWaves says it’s ridiculous. You don’t need to bring the alternative down.

Maybe if you’d have explained more in your first post it wouldn’t have come across as being so rude.

Op, I'm sorry to hear you're not having the birth you have wished for, I get that that can be really disappointing.

I had an EMCS after 24 hours of no progress and ds becoming distressed - ideally I had said I'd want no more than a puff of gas and air and a water birth but was comfortable with whatever needed to happen happening (except instrumental delivery, for some reason I had a complete mental block on it, but obviously would have agreed if necessary).

I can't comment on the hormonal aspect of a c section without labour, but I can say that my birth experience was great regardless. I had a lovely team who let the midwife take photos whilst ds was being born so have a little timeline from him head and houlders out, body still in, all the way up to delivery with cord still attached and my very favourite which captures Dh and my first look at him over the sheet, our faces are wonderful.

I also healed very quickly - catheter out within 12 hours, minimal pain and was up and walking about town on day 5. I have a barely there scary and if I were to have had another child I would have opted for a section.

What I will say is, for me and many other women I know regardless of delivery method, the rush of absolute love and wonder was a myth - I loved ds and wanted to keep him safe, but my first 2 weeks post aprtum.were a panic of "am I enough for you, did I do the right thing? What have we done out lives will change forever...", then one day a couple of weeks i looked at him and realised I would fight the entire world for him. He's 8 now and our bond is so strong.
The reason for mentioning that is, sometimes, especially in those first few weeks, we aren't how we expect to be - this is normal and not necessarily related to the birth if this is what you experience too.

Otherwise though, you sound like you've done a fab job recognising you feelings and reaching out, and so I would encourage you to do that again if you feel that anything you experience after the birth isn't right - your midwives and hvs are experts in understanding and supporting women who's mental health is affected post birth.

You are allowed to be disappointed but this is the safest thing for you and your baby and it's no one's fault. However your child comes into the world, you have created a tiny human that you have kept safe and grown for the entire pregnancy and that's amazing. She will be amazing (and exasperating, and exhausting, and wonderful, and anxiety inducing as all children are!) and you are her mother. The birth is just the very first step of your next chapter together.

You can deliver breech, but it's really not advised, just think of the risk to your much wanted child, not your disappointment, once you hold them you will realise it is a beautiful baby. And giving birth can be an extremely difficult experience, I was an older first time mum and the birth was difficult, long and needed assistance in the end, in retrospect I should have probably been offered a c-section, nothing is as flexible down there when you are older...

Yes, you can say that c sections have lower rates of stress incontinence, and guarantee no vaginal tearing or abrasions, while also allowing you to know the day of birth ahead of time, and not having hours of labour without knowing when it will be over. There's no need to smear vaginal births, which have their own benefits and drawbacks.

Plus, you'll be awake and will know what's going on, and can usually have skin to skin pretty much immediately in the theatre. I breastfed in the recovery room afterwards while having an ice lolly (!), and it was such a lovely, perfect moment.

Agree with others in that you need serious MH intervention.
I had one EMCS and an elective less than two years later.
I won’t deny and say i felt crap after the EMCS. It was after a failed induction at 40+10 but really there was no other option as DD’s head wasn’t at the right place for dilation.
My elective (due to transverse lie but I prob would e gone for elective anyway as there was no way I was going to be induced again) was a completely different experience- felt much more in control, healed faster, knew exactly what was going on.

The main thing is you and the baby are healthy in whatever way they’re born.

Well - it's true. It was in response to a comment about looking for the positives - it was a positive for me regardless of the rest of my story. I don't see how what I've said is any more rude than you now claiming my perfectly valid feelings as someone who had an unplanned C-Section are somehow the cause of birth-related complexes in people like the OP.

it suggests you’re less likely to have incontinence if you give birth via c section.

which is fine. It’s factual. And a silver lining for many people like pp and me who have had really traumatic c section births. You don’t need to be offended about someone else’s birth experience and feelings surrounding it.

I feel like you’re doing the same thing?

Instead of telling women ‘an uncomplicated vaginal delivery will have a much easier recovery than a c-section’, why aren’t women given all of the facts about the risks of an attempted vaginal delivery? Because at least in my antenatal care through the NHS and private classes the risks of a vaginal delivery were very much brushed aside, whereas the risks of a c section were clearly spelled out. It’s just very weird and prevents women from being able to make informed choices about their care.

OP - I hope you get MH support.

Money - it’s down to money. Vaginal births are cheaper

@DefiantRabbit9

It’s not the same but I had an emergency c section after a textbook pregnancy and full expectation of a textbook birth. I had my music picked out and a pack of cards to while away the hours while i waited for my baby to come. Idiot. I had also been told I was having a girl. Out came a boy. I really struggled to connect with him for a few weeks. Then it got better and I can honestly say he is the love of my life. Be gentle on yourself and your wee one. This will pass and you have decades of love ahead of you. Sending you a hug.

The thing is, they are cheaper for that NHS trust for that year, but overall when you take into account the things that can go wrong (inductions forceps, emergency sections, surgical repair etc) and litigation, planned vaginal births are slightly more expensive in the long run.

I don’t think it’s that. Midwives are invested in vaginal birth because that’s their trade. NCT and birth prep classes are usually run by midwives and occasionally midwifery assistants or doulas. They need to promote vaginal birth because the alternative takes giving birth away from midwives and towards obstetricians.

I had a planned section due to complex medical history and our consultant very happily signed it off in my second trimester.

NCT c-section prep is utterly pointless, there is zero point to NCT classes if you are having a planned section. We only had 2 vaginal births out of 9 women, 5 of those unplanned, so a lot of women went in with no real understanding of what was about to happen to them. There’s no need to glorify any way of giving birth, but like breastfeeding, we need to be honest about the benefits and drawbacks.

My sister gave birth to an undiagnosed breech in the 1980s ripped her to shreds and had a large episiotomy took months to get over . I had first emergency section second planned section . I know I had the best option ! Her insides are still wrecked I've had no lasting problems and I didn't have to sit on my stitches either

Yes, no one told me anything about the risks of vaginal deliveries. Thankfully I was pretty informed myself - or I thought I was, because a few caught me by surprise. For instance, I had no idea bladder trauma could be a risk, and was poleaxed when I found afterwards I couldn’t use my bladder and I had to go home with a catheter and leg bag. This is how I found myself calling maternity triage at 2am standing in a puddle of my own wee from the leaky catheter, which had also just leaked over my husband while I was sleeping. I promised myself then and there that the next baby was coming by ELCS.

A normal - straight forward vaginal birth costs around £2000, a normal low risk C - section costs up to £6000. You can absolutely be sure costs do come in to it.

NICE economic modelling has found planned vaginal births more ‘cost effective’ - however they do back peddle a little and suggest that if a women wants one she ultimately be given one

I don’t think that was rude.

But vaginal births are good for baby - the birth canal squeezes their body as they come out (which is apparently good for them) - can't remember exactly why but I remember my Dsis telling me this (she's a midwife). Plus the baby gets introduced to bacteria from mum being birthed vaginally which kick starts their immune system. There's a reason we're meant to give birth this way. I also had an episiotomy - didn't take long to heal and I was up and about a lot longer than if I'd had a C-section. That's not to say there aren't circumstances which absolutely warrant a C-section, of course there are, but please don't put down vaginal births which are nature's clever way of ensuring baby has the ultimate best start in terms of being squeezed and innoculated

And what about what’s good for the mother?

If you re-read my post I said there are of course times when c sections are of course warranted. I took umbrage with pp was putting down vaginal births (!!) when they are nature's clever way of ensuring best possible outcome for baby...(as long as this is safe for both mother and baby).

This isn’t very accurate. More serious risk for baby (including hypoxic brain injury) with vaginal birth than c section. There’s pros and cons of both types of birth. People should be allowed to make their own informed decisions. Natural isn’t always best.

My little (8lbs 4oz) girl was delivered on Monday. Whilst the inability to feel or move the majority of my body was terrifying to me the moment my baby latched on and I felt her feed any loss of bodily control was a means to an end. In hindsight that's definitely where a lot of my negativity came from: pure fear of being a prisoner of my own body, powerless and completely reliant on others. It's a very Johnny Got His Gun experience but DH kept me focused on her arrival.

DD spent the first two days and nights solidly cluster feeding, seemingly permanently attached to my breast when she was awake. I was kept an extra day in case my sleep deprivation and pain led to a seizure. Today she has spent almost all day milk drunk as my mature milk has started to come in.

Thank you all for assuring me just how little importance the manner of birth is in the grand scheme of things.

Wonderful news, congratulations

Congratulations mama to your and your little family. Sending you all the best wishes for the coming weeks and months, enjoy the newborn bubble and baby snuggles ❤️

I take issue with that though, there’s lots of times natures clever way hasn’t been clever at all. I don’t know why we put so much emphasis on natural being best. I was simply responding to your quote about it being best for the baby with no mention of the mother.