Feeling devastated about caesarean after breech baby turned again

[DefiantRabbit9]

My baby was breech I had an ECV last week and today I found out she's back to being breech. The obstetricians want to do a C section and I HATE it. All she had to do was stay put.

It feels like another dream life has robbed me of. A core fundamental experience of my being that I can't have. I feel anger, resentment and grief. I've literally done everything right and still failed.

I'm no more giving birth than when I had a 1.3kg fibroid cut out of me. Might as well have just swaddled that. I didn't go 40 years, get a 7K pay cut and exist the last 3 months in pain just to be sliced open and a flesh ball plopped on me. The reality that I will probably never give birth has destroyed my attachment to her.

OP, giving birth is so much more than the act of popping them out of the vagina - you’ll still get all the hormonal changes! that’s what’s key. you’ll still feel like her mum. you’ll still get the baby blues, still produce milk, still get awful anxiety probably if she’s away from you for too long - you will still have all those physical changes associated with giving birth. Just without the incontinence. :) honestly the vagina part is so not important to bonding.

So stop trying to talk yourself out of loving her.

btw before i went into labour i had the worst moodiness. the strength of your feelings, ironically, are probably at least partly rooted in the fact that even now your body is entering the physical state of becoming a mum. not saying you’ll give birth today but I bet your body is prepping itself already. You’re in it. There’s no getting off the hook just because you’re getting a planned c section ;)

I'm glad you're getting help, you sound very unwell.

If this is truly how you feel and not the result of an extreme mental illness episode, then you shouldn't even be having a baby.

This tiny, vulnerable human being who you describe as a 'flesh ball' deserves better.

Why did you even want a baby as it seems like some broth vanity project for you. Yuck.

For the record, my c section births were amazing, the best experiences of my life.

I'm just hoping this is a school holiday poster as surely no one can be this disgusting about a baby they wanted.

This cannot be real. What do you mean flesh ball? And that it has already destroyed your attachment to her when you haven’t even met her??? I have had 3 c sections and love my babies no matter how they were born. You need mental help. And I hope you get it. A dream life isn’t a vaginal birth ffs. Having a healthy baby that you get to love and watch grow is the most important thing.

You have a healthy baby, saved by a procedure that would have cost her and probably you your lives years ago.

Either you need mental health treatment or you need to grow up. Childbirth is risky. The end goal is an alive and well mother and child.

Op I had a horrendous natural birth which has affected me in many ways for 20 plus yrs.
It's not a given that you could have delivered vaginally either.

You have to let go of this.

I really wanted a natural home birth for my one and only baby but after almost 20 hours of natural labour she turned back to back and stuck her head back. I was blue lighted and had an emergency c section - my biggest fear came true.

But the second she was in my arms none of it mattered. Not having a vaginal birth actually has its perks. I’m mid 50s with the same vaginal had at 30! I never dealt with tears, episiotomy, being overstretched etc.
My C-section healed quickly and I felt back to my normal self in a couple of weeks while friends who had vaginal births struggled for months in some cases.

The only thing you can be certain of about birth and babies, is that nothing goes to plan. At least now you can have a clear plan for your birth that you know is very likely to stay the same. But once your baby arrives, focus on them and not on what you want them to be or how you want it to be. It just will be the way it is and as a mother you need to remain flexible.

Other posters have suggested you seek some help to deal with this ahead of the birth which you definitely should. But also count your blessings because many people who want a baby never get to have one at all and believe me they would take any birth just to hold their baby in their arms.

Wishing you well and I hope you can come to terms with this before your baby arrives.

Is this your first child? I can understand, I had an emergency section due to my son being 10lbs and back to back, very stuck. Altogether an ordeal, 11 days overdue, never went into labour as he wasn't effaved so had induction, consultant strike so got left in antenatal for 3 days, then epidural didn't take as he was back to back was agony and id barely slept the 3 nights of botched induction, so altered my au naturale birth plan, eight hours agonising contractions and baby distressed in utero so emergency section at 3am on day 4 of the hospital.

As far away from what I wanted as I could have got, well, except for the dreadful alternative which would have been losing him as he was so distressed in there and stuck. He was also an ivf baby so I felt robbed of a natural conception then robbed of a natural birth too.

So I get it, but I do think you're taking I to a hysterical level in your mind. You won't care as much when the baby is safe in your arms, whatever is safest to bring baby into the world is best. Its natural to be disappointed, we kind of grow up knowing one day we will experience this huge milestone of womanhood, but becoming the mother is the milestone and my gosh have you got alot of milestones coming your way after the birth that makes that short time a memory. Please try not to make what is a situation you didn't want way worse and look forward to your baby arriving safely.

I have a friend who had a breech baby last minute so they didn't know due to not doing a positional scan, and she had to have a full episiotomy in surgery with forceps and is still getting physio 4 yrs later. I just share that as an example of someone who wishes they had a section.

And in the real world there are people who are desperate for a child. Your blessed to be having that child. Allbeit not the method you wanted but you will be having that beautiful baby in your arms. I mean this in the kindest possible way OP get a grip and never say what you said on here to that child.

I understand because I would have been upset if this happened to me too.
But I think you need to get a bit of perspective here

You’re having a c section because this is the least risky way for you to give birth. If you give birth vaginally you or your baby could die. This actually happened all the time before safe c-section was a thing.

Even if your baby had not turned again there’s no guarantee you would have had a vaginal birth, there are many reasons for needing a c section.

The only thing you should be focusing on is leaving hospital healthy and with a healthy baby. It doesn’t matter how they come in to the world.

Don’t let this spoil this time, focus on the fact that you’re going to have your baby in your arms soon, and the birth is such a small part of motherhood.

So you still get all the oxytocin and hormones regardless of no labour? Do you feel anything? The obygyn told me I won't feel anything from the breast down which sounds nightmarish.

Gosh OP, you are very unwell. I'm glad you have sought help. There are no guarantees of anything in childbirth. Where are these pressures and expectations coming from? There is no medal for natural birth. Please don't see a c section as not giving birth, I've had 3 children via c section, and have definitely given birth to them!

This sums it up very well. Birth is unpredictable. A planned c section is often a much better experience than an attempted vaginal delivery (which can end in tears, instrumental birth, emergency c section etc).

Have you looked at resources like spinning babies in the meantime? It’s unlikely baby will flip again but no harm trying if attempting a vaginal birth is important to you.

Do you think every woman who has a section has no love or feelings for their baby?

Way to go undermining every woman who has ever had a C section!

You may think of your baby as a tumour, but there is a great deal more to bearing and nurturing a child than how they were born.

I have had 2 “failed” vaginal births, but CS intervention means that I have 2 healthy children. What could be better than that? No one is proposing CS to spite you!

get over yourself

Saw the title and came on to say vaginal birth isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and to ignore the romanticised attitude to natural births all over certain parts of social media. But this goes beyond being disappointed and I agree with others you should chase your midwife for mental health support. These feelings seem extreme to me especially the way you talk about your unborn child.

But if it helps I ended up having a vaginal birth unexpectedly after my breech baby turned very last minute and my c section was cancelled with a few hours notice. It was an experience so bad my midwife came to check on me the next day and apologise that I hadn’t got my c section. The grass isn’t always greener.

I was going to respond to this post as a woman who had c sections for my children, but thought better of it as OP is clearly unwell and I hope she gets the help she needs.

Having a planned c-section is amazing. It is such a calm way to give birth. Plus you don’t start motherhood being completely exhausted.

There are no words to express what it is like to hold your baby and see your baby’s face for the first time. I cannot imagine for one millisecond that moment would have been different if I had given birth naturally. It was the the two most wonderful moments of my life - with both my children.

Re: the epidural - it wears off. And it’s like any medical procedure, you just get on with it. There is pain and discomfort no matter how you give birth - but that is really not the main event.

100 percent this. I had a c section due to my daughter being in a breech position. I don't feel like I missed out not having her vaginally. She was healthy and the love I felt for her as soon as she was placed on me I wish I could bottle and sell.

The birth bit is such a tiny tiny part of being a mother.

Please try and engage again with your midwife. This isn’t a healthy mindset to have.

At 40, the chances of a first time birth not ending in a section are relatively slim anyway, so it’s a reality you should embrace as a possible outcome.

They may also find out there’s a good reason she flipped breech again which may have precluded a safe vaginal birth - often the case if a baby won’t put this late in pregnancy.

I had an undiagnosed breech baby, assisted vaginal delivery, would not recommend it. It took a long time, hurt a lot and didn’t feel particularly “natural”. I had a room full of nurses, doctors etc because it was complicated.

Honestly your option sounds so much better.

Saying giving birth to your baby via c section is basically having a 1.3kg fibroid cut out of you is quite worrying op and honestly really insulting to those of us who have had c sections. Both of my kids were born by section because it was the safest plan for them. It wasn’t about me or my feelings, it was about the safety of the babies.

Please get the mental help you need, Your midwife or your GP can refer you for mental help. Feeling this angry about needing a c-section is not normal and suggests you are seriously mentally unwell. C-sections are a perfectly reasonable way of giving birth. Especially now they can do them with epidural so you aren't even asleep and other people getting to hold/wash/feed your baby before you do.

Just wow. How offensive to all c-section Mums that they’ve somehow ‘failed’ and won’t bond with their babies. For what it’s worth my first baby was also breech, I tried everything to turn her barring an ECV as I felt the risks weren’t worth it. I was booked in for an ELCS but she had other plans and my waters broke 3 days before, had an unhurried, unplanned c-section and as previous posters have said fell in love with her instantly. You don’t have to push a baby out of your vagina to bond with them - think of foster and adoptive Mums as well as fellow c-section Mums. Your baby will be brought into the world in a safe environment which is best for you and them. Be grateful for that - it’s more than plenty of other women who can’t conceive or who have birth complications will get. You need a reality check here I’m sorry to say.