Feeling devastated about caesarean after breech baby turned again

[DefiantRabbit9]

My baby was breech I had an ECV last week and today I found out she's back to being breech. The obstetricians want to do a C section and I HATE it. All she had to do was stay put.

It feels like another dream life has robbed me of. A core fundamental experience of my being that I can't have. I feel anger, resentment and grief. I've literally done everything right and still failed.

I'm no more giving birth than when I had a 1.3kg fibroid cut out of me. Might as well have just swaddled that. I didn't go 40 years, get a 7K pay cut and exist the last 3 months in pain just to be sliced open and a flesh ball plopped on me. The reality that I will probably never give birth has destroyed my attachment to her.

It’s such an awful thing to compare your baby being born to taking out a fibroid and so so offensive to women on here who have had c sections. I would have liked a natural birth but my main overriding thought was for my baby’s safety. That’s all that matters. My baby was born safely and healthy. That is a successful birth story. That is all that should matter- that your baby is ok.

It's not that you feel nothing at all.
You do feel something - pushing and pressure. It's a strange sensation. You can ask them to lower the screen so you can see the baby lifted from you. And baby can be put on your chest. I had an elective section after a horrible labour ending in emergency with my first - honestly it was a magical way to have a baby.

I understand as O was disappointed after my 1st CS
I got over it and was fine re my second
Both were medically advised

It will be very different - you are having a baby, not a “flesh ball”, so after the procedure you will be the mummy of a newborn. Surely you did all the sacrificing you mention for the chance to have the baby, not for the experience of trying to squeeze it out?!

I am alive - so are my beautiful children. Without the first emergency c/s none of us would be here. I would have died trying to birth my first and they would have been stuck inside . Thank God you and I both have options. Many many women have not.
Good Luck

Honestly once the baby is here you'll have enough on your mind without regretting not having the seemingly perfect vaginal birth.

C sections all the way!!!

My son was breech when I was five cm's dilated : obstetrics said to me 'do you want a vaginal birth, or a section?' with a heavy hint to a section.

I went for the section because it was the most sensible thing to do, for me and the baby.

I had to have an emergency section due to Fetal distress … immediately taken to theatre, put to sleep and baby out under 10 mins. DH not allowed in, I was too poorly to feed or even really meet my baby.

when next pregnancy was an unplanned surgery due to their position at least it was a more usual c section, DH in and I was awake!,pp

all those birth plans and unrealistic dreams of NCT classes made the difficult births feel a failure. Wish I had heard how many people not get what they wanted instead.

Just came back to this thread after being the 4th person who commented yesterday. I’d love to know why my pretty reasonable comment was deleted, and so many absolutely horrendous ones have been allowed since 🤔

I was disappointed when my breech boy turned last minute and had to have a vaginal birth!

Forgive me if this is unhelpful OP but out of my group of friends, who were all late 30s early 40s, every single one of us ended up having a C section with our first baby. For those who hadn't planned it, it was a more stressful and difficult experience. I'm not saying for a moment that you can't give birth vaginally as a more mature mother but it is more likely that help is needed. Planned C sections come with known risks that manageable.

You spend so much time sitting with a newborn anyway and just recovering slowly that it's not the trial you think to recover from the surgery. I wasn't traumatised because the process was calm and quick. I wasn't exhausted with my new baby because I hadn't been labouring for ages beforehand. I was happy with the way it turned out and very grateful not to have any tears in difficult places.

Your birth plan could go out the window in seconds even with a vaginal birth. In terms of risk, I can only say that I have sat with a lady during her labour where baby's shoulder got stuck. Everyone in that room - and there were a lot of people in that room - would have opted for a c section in that moment. It was a very close call.

Think of it like this OP, have you EVER, even once, in passing, in the hippiest woo-woo most pro “natural birth” books of all time, or on any of those instagram pages that label every normal experience as trauma, EVER heard ANYONE mention something like: “I was born via caesarean and it meant my mum treated me differently to my siblings”. Or alternatively, “I didn’t bond with my mum because I was a caesarean baby.”

Youve never seen that, have you?

because a c section birth doesn’t actually matter. the essential biological mechanism that bonds mother and child will remain 100% in tact. and when the baby is born that’s all you’ll care about.

so please don’t talk yourself into thinking this will affect the legitimacy of your motherhood experience. It won’t. Actually there is substantial evidence to suggest the reverse - that a traumatic birth (which a planned c section is not) can interfere with bonding. so you will maybe help yourself more by reframing things in your head - which I think is what you’re trying to do with this thread, which means you’re already stepping up to be the best parent you can.

you’ll find lots of times when you’re a mum that you have to make the hard decisions that go against your instincts, for the good of your child. for example sending them off on their first day of school. or force feeding them medication against their will. motherhood will force you into thousands of hard choices that you have to make, and this is unfortunately is a tough introduction to that. but i reckon you and your baby will be just fine.

What an odd reaction ! I’m pleased you are seeking help with your mental health, not sure if this helps but will tell you of my experience of c sections. My first baby was breech I refused a ECV as I understood there were risks in doing that and a high chance baby would move. My first elective c section was good. Relaxed, smiles and jokes with surgical team- baby born quickly - a few minutes till I could hold her as she had a issue with her hip (due to being breech) but soon snuggled up with me and breastfeeding was no issue- bond amazing (and to be fair after witnessing my sister go through natural labour which was long, traumatic and had tearing ) I felt my birth experience was better in comparison. Recovery was good, better than expected.
2nd c section was 15 years later (surprise 2nd child) again no issues with bonding at all or recovery (I was 41).

i think you are missing the bigger picture which is ensuring baby enters the world safely. Elective c sections are very calm and lovely. They don’t take long (I think maybe 20 mins till baby born then another 40 mins stiching up?), baby given to you immediately if safe to do so and stays with you in recovery- in fact my second baby had a a small tear on her cheek but was patched up quick and straight back to me. I think you will find the experience just as special as a vaginal birth. Good luck and keep reaching out for support

I have three children, one born vaginally and two by ELCS. I can assure you there is absolutely no difference in the way I bonded with them, no difference in the hormones, etc. Please don’t ruin this wonderful moment for yourself by working yourself up into a frenzy of negativity about it. My only regret about the birth of our second (by C section) is that I was so nervous I didn’t savour the build up to his birth. It was such a lovely moment, having him handed over to me. Then when my husband went home to look after our eldest, I had him asleep on my chest and couldn’t stop looking at him all night. It was so wonderful.

Also, I actively chose two ELCS after the vaginal birth, which was very very tough, painful, and trashed my pelvic muscles, bladder, perineum, etc. I genuinely found them better experiences and recoveries.

Honestly, there was no magical transcendent experience, no feeling like a queen or anything like that in the vaginal birth. It was just unbelievable pain and lots of blood. Thank God for modern medicine getting my daughter and me through it safely. The only amazing moment was having my baby daughter handed to me. The same as for the elective sections!

Very best of luck with getting the support you need and hope meeting your baby is as wonderful for you as it was for me!

You need urgent mental health support, you’re very unwell. I’ve never read anything quite so warped and disturbing, I’m sorry but can no logical part of you understand what you are thinking is a sign of significant mental illness,

call and ask for urgent help,

Wow you sound absolutely tapped. Thankyou for the judgement you have given to all women who have had c sections. They are fucking painful, we are amazing.

Both my babies were born via c-section.

I didn’t regard either of them as being balls of flesh or tumours when they were handed to me. What a vile thing to say.

I genuinely can’t believe your reaction.

The baby you are pregnant with, that I assume you are attached to, is still your baby however she is birthed.

I really hope you get lots of antenatal mental health support.

You haven’t failed. Life has a way of throwing horrible things at us. You just have to plow on.

Your baby isn’t a fibroid. It’s a life that can be safely brought into the world due to the magic of modern medicine.

A c section is just birth by another route.

I think you need to speak to a doctor quite urgently. It seems you are having an early postpartum psychosis, or this is a symptom of a long-standing problem.

Assuming you haven’t been ripped in half before giving birth, and think that Giving birth is like something out of an episode of friends….

However, I would strongly suggest that you take the advice of pretty much every single person on this thread and go and see a doctor very soon.

I think you need to speak to a mental health specialist. Caesarean births do not affect the bond with your baby.

The fact that being told you’ll need a c-section has already “destroyed your attachment” to your unborn child is incredibly worrying.

Oh OP I’m sorry you sound in such turmoil. I’ve had both a vaginal birth and a planned c-section. Please believe me that both experiences were special, magical, challenging in their own way, but ultimately I love my DC1 and DC2 exactly the same. Exactly the same. Both girths required recovery, and yes recovery was different for both, but it was still recovery. And once I was physically recovered I truly didn’t feel any less of a bond with my c-section DC. I can say that hand on heart.

I was once very upset to have a c section when I had planned a home birth. Baby was footling breech. Even after the birth I was upset about it. The baby is now a young adult and I can’t think why I would ever have been willing to risk the pregnancy. You know, it’ll all be ok, and you will feel better about it. You really will

So haven't heard anything from either the maternal mental health team or the booking for the c section. So I call up and get told I'd get a call back not but 15 mins later I get a call saying I'm booked in for surgery on Monday and I have a pre-op appointment tomorrow that coincides with a call from the prenatal mental health team but wait there's more: Monday's c section is over booked so tomorrow they're going to see if I'm suitable for rescheduling. Apparently I'm the last to know. Still you've got to laugh, haven't you?

Frustrating when nothing seems joined up but hopefully by this time tomorrow you’ll have a clearer idea of what’s happening. Perhaps the rescheduling could be a blessing in disguise giving you a little longer to get your head around it and hopefully feel in a better mindset to meet your baby. Good luck with the next few days.

OP I feel your pain, after a failed ECV I was book for a c section, although my feelings towards it weren’t as strong as yours I managed to get on top of the grief I felt and put planes in place for the new plan. Because it was a planned cs I was able to chose music, rewrite my birth plan and feel back in control. Still had the overwhelming rush of oxytocin and awe of my new baby, it was still the most magical experience of my life and best day of my life. We established breastfeeding, had a great recovery and I would do it in a heartbeat. I still feel huge envy of people who manage a natural delivery, even more so the water birth I dreamed of. But I had a safe delivery of a healthy baby and was in full control. Please pursue the maternal mental health team referral. I will be thinking of you on Monday ❤️