Feeling devastated about caesarean after breech baby turned again

[DefiantRabbit9]

My baby was breech I had an ECV last week and today I found out she's back to being breech. The obstetricians want to do a C section and I HATE it. All she had to do was stay put.

It feels like another dream life has robbed me of. A core fundamental experience of my being that I can't have. I feel anger, resentment and grief. I've literally done everything right and still failed.

I'm no more giving birth than when I had a 1.3kg fibroid cut out of me. Might as well have just swaddled that. I didn't go 40 years, get a 7K pay cut and exist the last 3 months in pain just to be sliced open and a flesh ball plopped on me. The reality that I will probably never give birth has destroyed my attachment to her.

I think you need to seek specialist mental health support as this is an extreme reaction. Can you contact your midwife?

Already done

Tell your care team how you are feeling.

Vaginal births are not like the movies OP
Being safe is what’s important.

I agree this is an extreme reaction. There is no guarantee that you would have been able to deliver vaginally even if you had started off in natural labour you could have ended up with an emergency C section. Surely they thing is your baby is delivered safely birth is very unpredictable and there is no point having fixed ideas as so many things can change during the process of being in labour

That’s good you’ve reached out for help. Lots of women have felt devastated at the thought if a CS but in the vast majority of cases they move past it and bond with their babies. I wish you well.

You're not well
Section is a very safe option. I actively chose it.
It's by far and away the safest option for you with that presentation

It is sad you should feel like this and, as pp pointed out, this is not a normal response which would be to feel a bit disappointed by this but to recognise the overwhelmingly important fact that a healthy mum and baby is the outcome .... one denied to so many in other parts of the world.

I hope that you can find a source of help so that you can take a more balanced approach to this.

Human females struggle with birth since we stood up on 2 legs and needed a smaller pelvic outlet ... be glad that you will be spared that struggle.

I had a c section and felt I had the most wonderful birth in the world. I think you are being wildly unreasonable.

Omg. This is so unhealthy, damaging to you and the baby - you need therapy or counselling. Something. And I’m afraid this is all on you, you’ve got yourself wound up about something utterly unreal and are being vicious to an unborn child. I mean, do want you want to do to yourself, think whatever fantasies you want to think, be as lacking in circumspection and perspective and reality as you want - but please don’t take it out on your baby or the people around you. Just get help, speak to someone. This is the saddest thing I’ve read in a while on here :(

Erm .. I chose a C-section and will have another soon.. my babies aren't basically flesh balls or tumors. Is this about something deeper cos this reaction is absurd

Taking away from the reaction to your baby… You don’t have to have a c section. There are midwives specialised in breech birth.

I get it to that degree because my baby didn’t turn until 36 weeks, and I’d already had two successful vaginal deliveries so a c section for my third delivery would have been really frustrating. I advised my midwife I would be opting for a vaginal breech birth if baby didn’t turn.

However I didn’t have any other complications so I can’t comment on your exact situation, and while I would have been really sad having to have a c section, that wouldn’t affect my feelings towards my baby so I think you do need help with that. ❤️

So you don’t actually give a fuck that it is the safest way to ensure your baby survives? Because you don’t get to push her out the whole things is pointless?

You really need help.

I'm no more giving birth than when I had a 1.3kg fibroid cut out of me. Might as well have just swaddled that. I didn't go 40 years, get a 7K pay cut and exist the last 3 months in pain just to be sliced open and a flesh ball plopped on me. The reality that I will probably never give birth has destroyed my attachment to her.

You probably need gentle understanding, so what I would really like to say to you, I won't. Seek the help you clearly need though.

I’ve had 3 sections. Not the plan, but was the ultimate plan, which was to deliver a healthy baby-so it worked.

your reaction is abnormal. You won’t be delivering a lump of flesh, it will be your beautiful baby. And think of the positives, your nethers will be spick and span!

Quite. This baby isn’t here to give you an experience (some fantasy about dream motherhood that you’ve planned your career around to afford). She’s not a medical condition. She’s a human being fgs. She hasn’t even been born yet and she’s already a disappointment to you, making you angry for failing you :(

Not sure why you think you won’t bond due to a c section. The process is fully bonding. I remember thinking - we can do this baby. It’s a joint bonding moment. You have to steel yourself during all the prep, the doctors will be beading sweat to get the baby out, it’s actually a proper wrestle and takes some very expert actions, and when you see her slowly come out that way, you’ll be fully wishing the baby luck, because it’s still a VERY tight squeeze to get them out. It’s truly magical. The baby is on your chest in minutes screaming its lungs out like ‘wtf’ just happened to US. And you’ll be thinking ‘I’m not sure but we BOTH survived it. And here we are.’

I videoed mine and rewatch her coming out. It’s unbelievable.

It’s wonderful. Oh. And your bits will be intact. So there is that.

You need to speak to the professionals about how you're feeling. This isn't a normal or appropriate reaction.

Realistically, any birth plan is hopeful at best. You have no idea how it would go and you may have ended up with an emergency section anyway.

I had an elective c section and I can assure my child isn't a flesh ball. He's a healthy 7 year old currently playing Mario Kart and complaining about being hungry while I cook dinner. The birth is so unimportant compared to the child it results in.

I’ve had two vaginal births, both nearly killed me, both nearly killed my children. Neither birth should be romanticised.
I’m having my planned caesarean for my third and final baby next month and certainly don’t feel like I’m going to have a “flesh ball plopped on me” or a fibroid removed.

If you’re this angry over your birth plan, you need to give your head a wobble before your baby is born because they will absolutely not follow any textbook you’ve read on how babies should or shouldn’t behave.

Honestly, I’ve done both. The torture of labour and ongoing complications of vaginal birth are not a panacea. I absolutely wish I hadn’t experienced it and wouldn’t advise anyone to put it on their bucket list.
c-section will remove all of the V-b risks from you both and you’ll be able to care for baby without the exhaustion and damage of labour. There are plenty of upsides including not shitting yourself, tearing your fanny or becoming incontinent.
You really need to focus on the upsides of which there are many.

Being a mum isn't about the birth. It isn't even about having a newborn, or a baby... It's about getting to know a little person who will grow I to an adult. It's about loving them and teaching them so they thrive.
Birth is one moment - motherhood is much more.

I had an amazing bond with DC1 even though he was EMCS, not even elective.

Are you sure you’d bond less with your baby after a c section than if you had a 3rd degree tear?

OP if this is genuine then you need psychological help or counseling or something! Would you genuinely say to a friend that had a c section that she hadn’t given birth properly?

I’ve had 2 c sections. First emergency, second planned due to the risks from the first. My kids are 11 and 9. No one in about the past 8 years has asked about their births (apart from my SIL when she was pregnant) not have I really thought that much about them myself!

I went through labour with DC1, before ending in an emcs, it was horrible. None of my friends who had vaginal births seemed to have had a great time either. Safety is the priority! I’m just glad me and my kids are alive to tell the tale!

Honestly, your reaction is extreme.

I had vaginal births for my first two DDs and then an emergency caesarean for my third. If I could have my time again then I would have them all by caesarean as it was so much better, vastly less traumatic and without the ongoing birth injuries that resulted from "natural" (haha!) delivery.

Getting angry with your unborn baby and comparing them to a fibroid removal is a really unhealthy and bizarre take on this, and yes, I have had fibroids surgically removed too before anyone asks. I hope you get the help you need.

Vaginal childbirth is NOT the be all and end all. It is not some holy grail. It can and does go wrong too - you don't, in most cases, just breathe the baby out.

You maybe had unrealistic expectations around labour if this has impacted you so deeply. It's not a pleasant and magical experience and if you think it has so much meaning the chances are you would have been very disappointed when it came to it. You could have ended up with an emergency section anyway, you could have hemorrhaged.
You've still grown a baby in your body for 9 months whichever way it comes out, you shouldn't have lost your attachment over this. It's still your baby. It's not just a piece of flesh.