Feeling devastated about caesarean after breech baby turned again

[DefiantRabbit9]

My baby was breech I had an ECV last week and today I found out she's back to being breech. The obstetricians want to do a C section and I HATE it. All she had to do was stay put.

It feels like another dream life has robbed me of. A core fundamental experience of my being that I can't have. I feel anger, resentment and grief. I've literally done everything right and still failed.

I'm no more giving birth than when I had a 1.3kg fibroid cut out of me. Might as well have just swaddled that. I didn't go 40 years, get a 7K pay cut and exist the last 3 months in pain just to be sliced open and a flesh ball plopped on me. The reality that I will probably never give birth has destroyed my attachment to her.

This is a very extreme reaction. Please urgently get some mental health support. There is absolutely no link between birth type and connection with your child.

I’m assuming that OP is just very cross and annoyed about the whole situation. They must have been really happy that the ECV worked and I can see how it feel frustrating for baby to have flipped back.

Pregnant women aren’t known for having particularly rational emotions.

Yes OP might need help for her mental health but she could also be venting things she can’t really vocalise to people in real life.

This was me last year. I felt upset too about not getting to experience childbirth and frustrated that my little one just wouldn’t turn… until I read some old MN threads about breech babies and someone said if baby doesn’t want to turn, there’s likely a good reason for it! My baby was long and on the larger side, I just don’t think there was enough room for him and being breech was the best position to keep him happy and healthy. Since your little one turned back to where they were, they might be happier/comfier breech too!
I had a section and it was a really great experience. Yes I ‘missed out’ on childbirth, but I had a calm and controlled experience and at the end of it I had a beautiful baby boy who is so happy and healthy - isn’t that the whole point?

It’s tough when you’ve spent so long imagining giving birth, preparing yourself mentally, and then that all being dashed away against your wishes. Especially when you hear about the miracle of childbirth and how special it is… and there’s no doubt it is very special and I would have loved to go through it. But c-sections are special in their own way and I’m proud of what I went through to bring my baby here. If I’m lucky enough to have another baby, I will be opting for another C-section (by choice, so the experience couldn’t have been that bad!)

Out of every single one of my friends and friends of friends, the only two who have had a relatively pleasant and non traumatic experience in recent years have been those who had planned c sections.
Of course it’s still hard, and it’s not what you hoped. I’m glad you have reached out for support. My vaginal birth involved not being able to feel anything after getting an epidural after hours of pain, being sliced open and having her yanked out with a ventouse because the cord was around her neck. I certainly didn’t feel like I was “giving birth” or really a willing participant, if that helps at all.

I desperately wanted a natural birth in the midwife led birthing unit, but I had a c section because of being diagnosed with pre eclampsia the day before my due date. I figured I'd rather have a non emergency c section rather than an emergency after being induced. (It would have been an emergency as DS was huge and would have got stuck.) I did a hypno birthing course, so used the breathing exercises I'd learnt while they did the spinal block, which helped me keep still. It was a nice experience, the staff were lovely and because it was routine it was calm. I'm still cross I was the last person to meet DS in the room, but as soon as he cried when he came out of me, I started crying, and then I got to hold him, and that was the best feeling ever. Doesn't matter how he was born, we were both safe. My hypno birthing teacher was very insistent that it was birthing preferences, not a plan, as things can and do change.

I was in exactly the same situation and felt exactly the same. No amount of comments on the internet will make you feel better, sorry. It’s shit. I also blame the hypnobirthing bollocks I had swallowed.i went for a breech vaginal birth that ended in an EMCS. Still not at peace with it 13 years later.

Solidarity.

Also I want to add some hospitals allow gentle c sections, and I've even read about women being allowed to pull their baby out if it's safe to do so, which sounds amazing.

Of course you’re wrong.

Your baby is a precious life, not a flesh ball or fibroid:(

Absolutely (& I say this as a Mum who, after IVF & miscarriages) delivered a breech baby via C section. My NCT class leader commiserated and said perhaps I'd get the chance to do it 'properly' next time. I told her that my baby and I were safe, and that was enough. I was lucky enough to have a 2nd baby. That one was transverse - another C section. OP - I'm sorry you feel this way. Get help. ALL that really matters is you and your baby are safely delivered. Best of luck. Seek support x

I'd try and get a few appointments in with a pregnancy chiropractor. Look up Sally Scott on insta, she has resources too. My baby got into a better position. It's worth a try and if nothing else it will help the discomfort of the 3rd trimester and give back some agency to your body

I have to say I think it’s completely overblown what a miracle or special it is . Very very few people I know have had a pleasant experience giving birth vaginally

A had a c section with my first but vaginally with my second wish I'd stuck with c section it was so much better. It is not a wonderful magical experience. It's pain and blood and vomit and poo and tearing and stitches.

Warning everyone...please don't read this if you are pregnant with your first and are planning on having a vaginal delivery.

With my first child, labour was so absolutely excruciating that I was grabbing at people on the corridor as I was being wheeled to theatre for a C section, begging them to help me, like something out of a horror movie. When that anaesthetic washed over me...that numbness felt like absolute heaven. There are no words to describe it. I went on to have an elective c section for a subsequent child and as I heard all the women on the labour ward, screaming in pain, I knew I had made the right decision.

Anyway, this is all only useful information to take in if you were in your right mind, but it sounds like you are really struggling. In case this gets through though, any time I hear that a woman (especially a first time mother) has to have a section for medical reasons, I always feel relieved for her because she has dodged a bullet. I've been in labour twice and can honestly say that it is often a nightmarish, terrifying, lonely, hellish and merciless experience. There is nothing more claustrophobic than being in the middle of a long labour and knowing that there is no way out except to see it through. My goodness, it's awful.

Op please get help.

I could feel them moving things to get baby out but it didn't hurt.

Your reaction is really alarming. I don't know anyone who found pushing a baby out their vagina a dream come true.

The C Section is for a reason - primarily the safety of you and your baby. We are extremely fortunate to live in a time and place where the dangers of childbirth can be minimised.

you need to get help for this extreme and quite frankly offensive reaction. your baby being breech is not your fault, thank GOD you have safe access to FREE medical care that will afford you a living baby and a safe delivery.

a Caesarian is no joke, not the easy way out, and nobody is no less of a mother for being forced down that road, or opting for it. Labouring and pushing out a baby does not make you superior.

I didn’t go through 20 hours of intense contractions back to back every minute, a failed epidural, spiralling heart rate and tanking blood pressure, and a baby in distress to have her cut out of me and plonked on my chest in front of a blue sheet, but it happened, and I am a mother because I grew her and nurtured her.

guessing you've not broached a vaginal breech delivery? A girl I know delivered breech twins a few months ago.

All that matters is your baby is out safely surely. The post mentions nothing about that - all a bout your feelings

a c section is giving both op - and it’s a bit horrible to say to the many many woman on here who have had one (me included have had one emergency and one elective) and it’s harsh to say we haven’t given birth - we have and we are mothers.

its a very extreme reaction - this could happen to anyone and does every day no matter what position the baby is in

they pulled screen down a bit so I could see my baby being taken out and I had him with me moments later - he still recognised my voice and stopped crying as soon as he was with me

Still a special moment tbh

There is nothing special about giving birth except a whole world of pain. The special bit is the baby.

I have just had an emergency section which I absolutely did not want and honestly I'm devastated about for lots of different reasons. However it has absolutely not stopped me from loving or bonding with my son.
Once he was out they put him next to my head so I could reach out and touch his little face. I could barely see him out of the corner of my eye but the feelings of love and calm I had were instant and real.
Ironically I had none of that with my first birth (forceps) and it took months to love her properly. You will love your baby regardless of how they come out because that's biology. It might be instant or it might take a while but you will love them because they're yours.

If baby has turned once he can still turn back. I have 5 children. My first 3 were all induced for differing reasons. My last pregnancy going into labour naturally was really important to me, it was my last chance to experience it. Then twins happened, double breech and needed to come early. So c section it was, never experienced going into natural labour. But they are all here and safe. You can deliver a single breech baby, as I said sometimes they do flip last minute. Talk about your options and how you are feeling xxxx

Never a truer word said.

Absolutely. I started crying when DS started crying. I just felt this huge wave of emotions, and when they put him on my chest I felt so much love.

I did feel some pushing when they got him out, and I felt numb, but warm and tingly at the same time. It was actually quite pleasant (until I went into recovery and started itching like mad, which is a common side effect of the stuff they give you. I was also sick, no surprise really!)

Don't be so melodramatic. What about the dream of being a mother?!

Really struggling to wrap my head around your reaction. I found out during a growth scan that my baby girl was breech. I refused an ECV (because the idea of it frightened the life out of me) and accepted it would therefore need to be a C-section. I suppose it helped that my birth plan was simply “GET HER OUT SAFELY”.

The C-section was the most incredible experience, and I feel so thankful we have such skilled medical professionals who can deliver our babies safely in this way. It never affected our bond - I adored her from the moment she was placed on my chest, and now that tiny baby is a bright, beautiful and happy 5-year old I couldn’t imagine being without.

I could talk more about the aftercare following my C-section and how everything in that regard went as smoothly as I could have hoped for. But you don’t sound anxious about it in that respect - just angry at your baby for not getting the memo and allowing you your “core fundamental experience”.

One of the saddest things I’ve read on here and I pray you get the help you obviously need.