How to tell if friend had a c-section

[bexboz]

I have a friend who recently posted a photo of herself with her newborn (second baby). I know she desperately wanted a VBAC as she really wanted a homebirth the first time but was really traumatised by her first birth experience which ended in a section. I’d like to know if this recent birth was a section or not so I can have a bit of guidance in how to approach her with a message. We are close enough that it’s expected that message with more than just “congrats” but maybe not close enough that I can go right ahead and ask for details. For context I just had a home birth myself with my second and I don’t want to trigger her or make her feel bad in any way. In the photo she has like these stickers with leads on them stuck to her skin around her chest. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them for a vaginal birth so was wondering if anyone who is a midwife etc might know if that means it was actually a section in the end? Thanks!

You can congratulate in a personal way without trying to Sherlock Holmes the birth process or talk about how yours was.

“I’m so happy to see the pictures of you with your beautiful baby, you’ve done so well. We both know how traumatic birth is and I’m so proud of you. Obviously you know I’m always here if you need another mum to lean on. Chances are we will both be up at all hours anyway, so don’t be afraid to reach out. Can’t wait for our LOs to meet”

Literally just speak from the heart..? But like, even if it was traumatic - especially if it didn’t go to plan (and yours did) you need to understand you might not be on her list of people to talk to. And that’s okay. She might not want to talk at all. It’s actually, as PP said, not in any way your business how her birth went. It’s for her to talk about if she wants but not something you need to know about or “figure out.”

But, OP, you’re clearly just being nosy.

You tell me.

There is no need for the way you responded, you can tell OP she is wrong without the snarky know it all attitude.

If she has express that she doesn’t like the word “congratulations” in these circumstances I’d just send some ting along these lines…

”Hi (friend), just checking in to say hello to you and (new baby). I hope you’re both doing well, let me know if you want a chat anytime. I’ll be thinking of you and sending good wishes”

There's absolutely no need to mention how for context, you've just had a home birth.

Your nosiness disguised as faux concern in your posts on here, makes me think she wouldn’t want to give you any details for you to gloat over.

If, as you say, she doesn’t like ‘congratulations’, you find something else to say. ‘So pleased he/she is safely here. Hope all’s well’ or something similar.

If she is a friend and she wants you to know then she will tell you……otherwise, do not speculate, it is her business and hers alone, she has no need to shout it from the rooftops. The important thing is that both her and her baby are well.

If you feel the need, you can reference the birth without asking. Maybe “I hope everything went how you’d been hoping it would” or along those lines. And make sure she knows you’re there if she wants to chat about anything.

Get your nose out of people's lives - this is so intrusive and also you are not succeeding in masking your nosiness with a pretend 'what sort of message to send'. How rude.

It's absolutely nothing to do with you.

I'm sure you mean well, OP - some replies have been a little critical on here. However, I don't think there's any real need to decipher what sort of birth your friend had - the important thing is that her baby is here safe and well.

As an aside, I find it really strange how caught up some women seem to get about this tbh. Unless someone has a really traumatic birth experience, who really cares as long as the mother and her child are healthy?

FWIW I had three c-sections and was completely delighted with them! Other friends had completely 'natural' births, others had emergency c-sections, some had VBACS etc. It's not something we ever talked that much about even in the immediate aftermath, and certainly now our kids are older, it's pretty much never discussed!

If she doesn't like congratulations I'd just go with

"welcome to the world Johnny, and welcome to mum of two land for you! How are you feeling? Hope you e managed to get some rest. He's absolutely gorgeous, can't wait for a coffee and a cat h up when you feel up to it. Here if you need a chat during the Night Shift!"

The stickers on her chest are monitoring her heart rate (was if the wires have been taken down).
If she has a sticker on her hand then she's had medication/fluids via this port.
All of the above means that someone else was controlling the birth, was telling her what was going on with her body from the monitoring they were doing.
This would be very different to the way your child was birthed and the plan she had with her first child.
The bits in the photo you saw do not confirm either way if it's a c-section or other type of medical birth.

@Ughn0tryte ”someone else was controlling the birth”

give over would you ? It may mean a health care professional was monitoring her to keep her safe for whatever reason. You can’t glean that someone was controlling from a photo.

In that case, just tell her that her baby is beautiful and say that you hope they're both ok or ask her how she is...

You sound insufferable as does your friend.

Your friend doesn’t want you to say congratulations but if you don’t say it she will tell other people you didn’t say it.

Of course she would have had a c-section. Once a mother has had a c-section all subsequent births should be a c-section.

I had stickers on me for my vaginal birth. They monitor your heart rate.

just a quick “how’s your vag, mate” if you are so very close and it’s such a burning question for you that you need the answer before saying congratulations.

You have absolutely zero rights to your friends medical history!

I am a midwife and Jay last night had a conversation with a woman about her privacy and what happens at her birth is hers and her partners private experience.

Words fail me sometimes!

Agree. I cannot be dealing with this level of tetchiness.
Would it kill to say thanks, I am so glad she is healthy. I had a bad time of it though. Rather than 'don't say congratulations' like a stroppy child.
Yes, birth trauma is bad but that is something to debrief with your health professionals rather than take out on well-meaning friends.

Your friend is being a diva. Noone should feel bad about congratulating the birth of a baby.

I just looked at my photos as couldn't remember. I had a Vbac, I did have forceps in the end and yes I can see various monitoring devices attached.

This. The details of the birth are none of your business.

What a strange request. Just don't comment on the exact birth process. I'm unsure why you're concerned about boasting about your own home birth unless you intend on mentioning it (which would be really weird in a message about your friend's baby).

Just say that you're so excited about the baby's arrival, that you hope your friend is feeling okay and doing well, and that you're looking forward to catching up when the time is right.

I don't think anyone is being needlessly judgy on this thread - you have posted about trying to do detective work on someone's private medical information which is slightly unhinged.

It is absolutely none of your business if she had a c-section or not! Wind your neck in and just message and say congrats, if she wants you to know any details then she will tell you!

If it was my friend I would straight out ask how the birth was and how she was doing? But we are comfortable talking about these things together.