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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

How to tell if friend had a c-section

169 replies

bexboz · 30/04/2025 09:33

I have a friend who recently posted a photo of herself with her newborn (second baby). I know she desperately wanted a VBAC as she really wanted a homebirth the first time but was really traumatised by her first birth experience which ended in a section. I’d like to know if this recent birth was a section or not so I can have a bit of guidance in how to approach her with a message. We are close enough that it’s expected that message with more than just “congrats” but maybe not close enough that I can go right ahead and ask for details. For context I just had a home birth myself with my second and I don’t want to trigger her or make her feel bad in any way. In the photo she has like these stickers with leads on them stuck to her skin around her chest. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them for a vaginal birth so was wondering if anyone who is a midwife etc might know if that means it was actually a section in the end? Thanks!

OP posts:
Embarrassinglyuseless · 30/04/2025 11:41

“Congratulations, he / she’s perfect! Hope you’re recovering from it all, can’t wait to meet when you’re ready. Let me know if anything particular I can be helpful with. Love you xxx”

gamerchick · 30/04/2025 11:43

Just to echo. Just congratulations will do and she'll tell you in her own time. Everybody talks about their birth story multiple times, until you avoid talking about babies at all in case it sets them off.

BlondiePortz · 30/04/2025 11:45

Why on earth do you need to know, say congratulations and move on

WaryCrow · 30/04/2025 11:47

Only you know how close you are - it may be appropriate to say something like ‘I hope it was an easy birth?’ You can certainly ask after health generally and hope they’re both doing well.

TheGreenIsAlwaysGrasser · 30/04/2025 11:47

Just pay her gorgeous baby a compliment, say 'I hope you're feeling okay - how was it?' and leave it at that. If she wants to share more she will.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/04/2025 11:49

“Lovely to hear x is here safely, hope it went well and that you’re doing okay, looking forward to seeing you soon, lots of love”.

Centres her well-being as much as the baby’s and she can reply “yep, all good, had a straight forward delivery” or “it was a fucking nightmare but thanks got asking”.

My first was a catastrophic EMCS and we were in for nearly a week after but while it wasn’t easy to talk about I was fine with people knowing about it. It was all a mad blur for a long time afterwards and I think DH told most people DD had been born.

BlueTitShark · 30/04/2025 11:51

ManchesterLu · 30/04/2025 11:34

But you're saying "congratulations on the new baby" not "congratulations on your perfect birth".

You're just being nosy. Stop.

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Ad yet the new mother receiving the ‘Congratulations!’ Doesn’t like it….

Do you think the new mother is wrong too? Or just the OP for wanting to take her friend views into account?

Heyheyitsanotherday · 30/04/2025 11:52

Why on earth would you want to know?? Giving births giving birth regardless of the route. Unless she specifically wants to talk about her birth story it is bizarre to me why you’d need to know. She will tell you if she wants to. Don’t push her into sharing information she doesn’t want to give birth

Escapingagain · 30/04/2025 11:54

I think the title of the post is confusing compared to the question you have. Completely understand you are in newborn tiredness. I would just say Glad baby is here hope your feeling ok etc. Wondering what happened is completely yours I’m sure she will tell you in time but right now is too soon I expect.

Waterweight · 30/04/2025 11:57

I would assume surgery if she's got tubes or wires afterwards but a quick "lovely baby, can't wait to catch up & hear about how your going" message would be fine

DappledThings · 30/04/2025 11:58

BlueTitShark · 30/04/2025 11:51

Ad yet the new mother receiving the ‘Congratulations!’ Doesn’t like it….

Do you think the new mother is wrong too? Or just the OP for wanting to take her friend views into account?

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Yes, I think OP's friend is being precious about very normal language

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 30/04/2025 11:58

Smug, moi?

BarnacleBeasley · 30/04/2025 11:59

I can see why you want to try and be tactful, but realistically you are not going to say anything different to what you would normally say either way. Unless you were planning to lead with 'sorry you didn't get to have a VBAC', which probably wouldn't go down well anyway.

My DP had been hoping to try for a VBAC but we ended up having an elective section at 40 weeks due to age. She was a bit wistful about this, especially due to her good friend seemingly popping out her first baby with the greatest of ease a few weeks earlier. She mentioned this to our midwife, who was lovely but had no filter, and said 'yeah, but hers is probably a conehead'. So there's that - if the baby doesn't have a hat on in the picture, and has a round head, it was probably a section. If it has a pointy head, the jury's out (DC1 was born by EMCS after getting stuck at the last minute, so he was a bit squished).

BunnyLake · 30/04/2025 12:02

If she doesn’t like the word congratulations can you say something like ‘So happy for you and your little one’? Not sure how knowing what type of birth it was alters how you send your message.

MrsSunshine2b · 30/04/2025 12:03

With any of my close friends I'd just ask. Or say "How was the birth? Did it go how you wanted?"

If you're not close enough to feel you can ask that then it's probably none of your business.

TheEllisGreyMethod · 30/04/2025 12:05

My friend sent a message saying she was there to listen about my birth experience if I wanted to talk it through with anyone, I found it helpful as I was still unpacking a lot

SpryUmberZebra · 30/04/2025 12:12

moggiek · 30/04/2025 09:42

Why on EARTH do you want to know? So that you can mentally crow over the fact that she needed medical intervention while a ‘superwoman’ like you pushed one out over the side of the sofa?

While I agree that OPs post was clumsy and she could have did it better, you’re just over reacting and projecting here, calm down.

SanctusInDistress · 30/04/2025 12:14

I think you should mind your own business. If she wants to tell you she will. Sounds like you are looking for an opportunity to be smug.

TheIceBear · 30/04/2025 12:15

BlueTitShark · 30/04/2025 11:51

Ad yet the new mother receiving the ‘Congratulations!’ Doesn’t like it….

Do you think the new mother is wrong too? Or just the OP for wanting to take her friend views into account?

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It’s a very snowflakey world we live in if someone can’t say congrats to a new mother without fear of offence. Ridiculous

Mermaidrone · 30/04/2025 12:15

Why do you need to know? She'll tell you if she wants to.

I have a (smug? Tone deaf?) friend who wanted to know all about my forceps delivery and my other friend's c section to compare them with her text book births. I hope you are more mindful with your friend but this reminded me of it.

LoveWine123 · 30/04/2025 12:17

You haven’t answered the question why you need this information and why it matters to you. It’s clearly not for personal use since you just gave birth and it’s not for supporting her as you say you are not that close. So why?

ZenGarden89 · 30/04/2025 12:19

I can't figure out if you're simply not thinking straight because you have a newborn yourself, you are extremely nosy or there is something nastier at play.

There is absolutely no reason whatsoever why you need to know how she delivered her baby.

In all honesty she sounds like a frenemy more than anything. Surely the job of a supportive and genuine friend is just to be there showing love and support and your friend will tell you when and if she is ready?

You both sound bonkers.

moggiek · 30/04/2025 12:21

SpryUmberZebra · 30/04/2025 12:12

While I agree that OPs post was clumsy and she could have did it better, you’re just over reacting and projecting here, calm down.

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Projecting what???

orangedream · 30/04/2025 12:21

If you are really friends, she'd just tell you after you asked how the birth went.

It sounds like you're not friends but want to glean this information for some reason.

rainbowsparkle28 · 30/04/2025 12:24

What on earth makes you think you have the inherent right to this information? 🙄 And why is it something you need to know? Just say hope they are well etc., and be there and if they feel they want to share they can, but it is on their terms not yours. Very odd behaviour.