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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

New mum and getting 10 hours sleep while the dad is doing the night feeds

269 replies

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:17

My friend has had a new baby who is two weeks old and as a new mum she isn’t waking up during the night for night feeds with her baby.

Her partner is doing it all. She is going to bed and getting up at 9am all refreshed…… while her partner is up all night making bottles. He is tired and needs help while she is sleeping away.

This can’t be normal can it?

OP posts:
Bluntbiro · 26/02/2025 15:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Bey · 26/02/2025 15:20

Urgh, I've done this for all 3 of my babies no one gives a fuck, probably because I'm a woman but let's get this man a medal what a hero 🙄

ClairDeLaLune · 26/02/2025 15:23

Oh dear. I know a couple like that. He’s always done everything and still does 30 years on. He has Mug tattooed on his forehead. We’re all jealous of her! She doesn’t even work!

You need to stay out of it though OP, it’s their business.

rommymummy · 26/02/2025 15:23

Good for her, I hope she is recovering well from her pregnancy and birth.

JazzyBazzy79 · 26/02/2025 15:38

This isn't good For babys development if baby I'd being neglected by mum. I would get health visitor/midwife involved. Very concerning.

MaltipooMama · 26/02/2025 15:45

I think that as an outsider to the relationship you won't have any idea what the full picture is. Agree with PPs that you're most likely the new dad's mother, but if you are genuinely a friend I would definitely be more concerned about her wellbeing than asking mumsnet whether or not it's fair! Because with the best will in the world it's really not your concern, and again if you are concerned I would be trying to support your friend as it sounds like there are underlining issues at play, I highly doubt it's because she's just lazy.

Not quite the same thing but since my son was born 15 months ago my partner and I have always alternated nights with him including all feeds and comforting which meant that every other night one of us gets a full nights sleep. He did this all throughout my maternity leave whilst still working full time. As a result my son is equally attached to both of us and has a close bond with both his parents, which is how my partner and I both wanted it to be. People will do what works for them and maybe they have a system in place that shares the load in other ways. Either way, again, it's their business alone!

Hollietree · 26/02/2025 15:46

I don’t know why you are so outraged.

Many Mums exclusively breastfeed (myself to 3 children). My husband never fed a baby - day or night in his life. No one batted an eyelid that my husband got a solid nights sleep every night, while I walked around for years with matchsticks holding my eyes open.

I think its great to hear of such a wonderful Dad who is clearly supporting his partner to recharge her batteries after pregnancy and birth.

Jggg · 26/02/2025 15:46

Why should it be the mom's job to do everything? Especially if the dad is on paternity leave literally to take care of the baby. Even if the dad was going to work most people's jobs are easier to do with few nightwakes than it is to look after the baby alone equally sleep deprived. I did all night wakes with my LO because my OH did have a job where people could die if he made a mistake while tired and I survived. This man should survive it as well.

This is really none of your business and it should be the norm to split baby care as much possible.

MsCactus · 26/02/2025 15:46

Bey · 26/02/2025 15:20

Urgh, I've done this for all 3 of my babies no one gives a fuck, probably because I'm a woman but let's get this man a medal what a hero 🙄

Yes - it's mad how different the responses are when a man does it!

Sexism is wild

MaltipooMama · 26/02/2025 15:46

Coralsunset · 26/02/2025 13:41

What do we reckon?

MIL?
SIL?
Huge crush on the father?
Ex Partner of the dad?

One of the first two I'd say!

LogicVoid · 26/02/2025 15:46

She sounds unwell. Are you the MiL..?

Iloveyoubut · 26/02/2025 15:54

This site is a literally joke these days. So sad.

Oioisavaloy27 · 26/02/2025 15:56

Maybe she has post natal depression? Or could be some sort of medical problem if not then she is just plain lazy.

Cakeandcardio · 26/02/2025 16:00

Lucky mum

Everlore · 26/02/2025 16:04

My wonderful husband and I both get up for every night feed as I'm disabled and struggle with changing nappies unaided. He changes our 7 week old then I prepare the bottle and feed her. This is the only way we can manage it. It might seem odd to some people but they aren't in our situation. I suggest you stay out of this couple's childcare arrangements since I can't possibly see how they are any of your business.

SylviasShoes · 26/02/2025 16:08

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:17

My friend has had a new baby who is two weeks old and as a new mum she isn’t waking up during the night for night feeds with her baby.

Her partner is doing it all. She is going to bed and getting up at 9am all refreshed…… while her partner is up all night making bottles. He is tired and needs help while she is sleeping away.

This can’t be normal can it?

You don't sound much of a friend.

Not read the whole thread but Id say it's none of your business.

Rainyday4321 · 26/02/2025 16:19

Reverse

GreatGardenstuff · 26/02/2025 16:19

Has to be the MIL, right?

LivelyMintViper · 26/02/2025 16:21

My husband did all the night feeds for all our DC.

VastOtter · 26/02/2025 16:24

A dad doing the night feeds and allowing that lazy new mum to get her rest?!

I hope you’ll put a call in to social services, and get this woman bags under her eyes, an unhealthy level of stress and the beginnings of a resentment towards her partner as soon as possible.

How very dare a new mum get to sleep at night, men were not put on this planet to do night feeds!

Bitter much?
My husband did night feeds with both our kids, it was amazing to have such support when I needed it most. Why the hell shouldn’t a dad get up in the night? After nine months growing a baby, and hyperemesis for all of one pregnancy, it was totally fair for my husband to share the load once baby was external.

OP, did your partner not help you, is that why you’re worrying about this other family?

VastOtter · 26/02/2025 16:36

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

MIL for sure! Wasn’t like this in your day eh? My mother in law and her friend were stunned when my DH changed our kids nappies and it was no big deal for him. Thank goodness things have changed!

You’re not this woman’s friend, the disdain you have for this mother is very clear, and sounds utterly dated and vindictive.

How the heck do you know what this family’s days and nights look like? If she’s awake at 9am, how is she also sleeping ‘most of the day’? How can dad be ‘up all night’ making bottles unless he’s formulating the formula himself? What benefits do you suppose this arrangement bestows upon this family? And what business is it of yours?

MrsMitford3 · 26/02/2025 16:42

Yep also think MIL.

Poor DIL in the years to come... Can't wait for her MN threads!!!

Notgivenuphope · 26/02/2025 16:42

Bey · 26/02/2025 15:20

Urgh, I've done this for all 3 of my babies no one gives a fuck, probably because I'm a woman but let's get this man a medal what a hero 🙄

He isn't a hero but nor are you. It is not fair for either father or mother to be shouldering 100% of the nighttime burden while the other slobs about in bed. Turn taking is the fairest option (and yes it can work).

Bey · 26/02/2025 17:02

Notgivenuphope · 26/02/2025 16:42

He isn't a hero but nor are you. It is not fair for either father or mother to be shouldering 100% of the nighttime burden while the other slobs about in bed. Turn taking is the fairest option (and yes it can work).

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Never said I was but it's always implied that men are. You can't take turns when you're breastfeeding and expressing doesn't help as you still have to express the missed feed to keep a supply up.

my point was there's no one starting a thread about a woman doing all the night feeds and it "not being normal" like this thread

Lollypop267 · 26/02/2025 17:03

FamilyPhoto · 26/02/2025 14:07

Steady on, we're not all Dragons ! Im a MIL and was will be delighted if my DS looks after the night feeds so DIL can rest. After all his dad did it too.
With regards to mum, she needs medical intervention if she is sleeping so much, I needed iron transfusions for 4 weeks after giving birth to DC2 because of anemia.

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Righto I'm sure youre a great mother and mother in law but this isn't about you is it and clearly the number of people that have said the same it's more common place then you'd think 😘

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