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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

New mum and getting 10 hours sleep while the dad is doing the night feeds

269 replies

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:17

My friend has had a new baby who is two weeks old and as a new mum she isn’t waking up during the night for night feeds with her baby.

Her partner is doing it all. She is going to bed and getting up at 9am all refreshed…… while her partner is up all night making bottles. He is tired and needs help while she is sleeping away.

This can’t be normal can it?

OP posts:
TheStigarette · 26/02/2025 10:50

Are you the mother in law?
It does seem very unusual but if it was reversed and mum was exclusively breastfeeding we'd consider it quite normal.

Treeleaf11 · 26/02/2025 10:51

Is her dh on paternity leave?

heroinechic · 26/02/2025 10:53

This sounds amazing for the mother if she isn't breastfeeding! I can see that working well if he's off work and can sleep in the day while she sole parents and then she sleeps at night while he sole parents. Great opportunity for her to recover.

I did all the feeds with DD due to breastfeeding and it is knackering. Nice of him to step up!

Urghhhhhhh · 26/02/2025 10:55

Yes, my dh had the best sleep he ever had when mine were babies as he went into another room for 12 hours as working and what could he do?
I was breastfeeding. The only time I've ever seen a look of respect from my MIL..

Original poster
Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

OP posts:
Urghhhhhhh · 26/02/2025 10:56

Wel @Elizabeth2018 my concern is that the woman is either physically ill or very depressed...and you need to be clear that the dh is the one who needs to ask professionals for help eg midwife etc if he's concerned.

GuiltyGiraffe · 26/02/2025 10:56

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

It sounds like she may be depressed? Are you close enough to either of them to suggest a doctor's appointment?

Upstartled · 26/02/2025 10:57

Wow, she sounds incredibly poorly if she's in bed all day. I hope her DH is taking care of her too?

beAsensible1 · 26/02/2025 10:57

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

She’s sleeping most of the day and the night and can’t be woken when tried and no one is wondering maybe she’s ill or if there’s a problem or PND?

I would suggest she visit the GP, or maybe she had post birth complications. Why would baby not be getting any cuddles?

Odras · 26/02/2025 10:58

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

If she is also sleeping most of the day yes I would be concerned for her. Why are you so concerned for the baby. The baby has his daddy. It sounds like she is depressed.

AlwaysCoffee25 · 26/02/2025 10:58

Taking turns whilst he’s on paternity leave seems fair.

standardduck · 26/02/2025 10:59

Sounds like there is something else at play. Rather than being concerned about the baby who seems to be well looked after by her dad, I would be concerned that mum is suffering with PND.

eyeeyeeyeeyeeye · 26/02/2025 11:00

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

Is she struggling with post partum depression maybe ?

standardduck · 26/02/2025 11:00

If it was my friend, I would be concerned and worried about her. She might need to see her GP to rule out PND.

Your post is coming across as judge mental rather than concerned about your friend well being. I hope that's not the case.

Littlemisscapable · 26/02/2025 11:00

GuiltyGiraffe · 26/02/2025 10:56

It sounds like she may be depressed? Are you close enough to either of them to suggest a doctor's appointment?

Show quote history

This..the nighttime sounds great if dad is on paternity leave (but I have never actually heard.of this in real life) but during the day sounds like a totally different situation

Treeleaf11 · 26/02/2025 11:01

You said in your OP she is getting up at 9am all refreshed, now she is sleeping all day.

I agree with PP that she has PND or she is physically unwell, they need to speak to doctor/midwife/HV

MrsPernicious · 26/02/2025 11:01

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

The more you post, the more I feel she might have had a very rough birth and he is having to step up.

This is now a quite normal way of raising a new born. Dad has paternity leave and actually does some of the hard work. Give it another week or two and the baby will be bigger and easier, mum will be physically recovered, dad will be back at work, life will be more like us oldies remember it from when we had kids. Parenting is rightly far more 50/50 than it used to be.

What are you doing to help? Because this thread is not helpful.

eyeeyeeyeeyeeye · 26/02/2025 11:01

Also drip feed op! You could've stated that in your first post and the comments would've been different

JoyousEagle · 26/02/2025 11:03

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

She sounds quite unwell.

DH did most of the nighttime stuff for DD2 (I was breastfeeding so he brought her to me for feeds but otherwise had her in a separate room and dealt with any wake ups/settling back to sleep/nappy changes etc) because I had severe PND and was in no state to do it.

Mrsttcno1 · 26/02/2025 11:04

If she is sleeping all day & night then my first primary concern wouldn’t be for the baby, it would be that she is unwell or suffering with PND.

Is he only off for 2 weeks potentially, so is doing what he can during that time before he goes back to work when she will have to take the load?

I don’t think dad doing the nights is a bad thing especially shortly after birth while she is recovering to be honest. My daughter is 10 months old now but I had a very difficult birth and thinking back now I do think I’d have recovered much quicker if I’d had more rest/sleep in those early weeks (not a criticism of my husband, he did absolutely everything he could but he didn’t have the ability to breastfeed).

ARichtGoodDram · 26/02/2025 11:04

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

She is going to bed and getting up at 9am all refreshed……

So is she getting up at 9am all refreshed or sleeping all day as those are two very different things?

Supsupsup · 26/02/2025 11:07

What relationship are you to the couple? If you are mum in law and not mum, I wonder if wife’s mum would be getting an entirely different story? I’ve yet to see a mum of a 2wk old “waking refreshed” everyday and then sleeping most of the day away . She sounds unwell.

LeopardsANeutral · 26/02/2025 11:07

yeah this is confusing, you said she was getting up at 9am but you also say she's asleep all day?!

rivalsbinge · 26/02/2025 11:08

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:45

He has no choice…. He’s asked for some help but she won’t get up

That sounds refreshing.

I'm not sure why matters to you? My DH did most of the night feeds, I was exhausted depressed and bloody tired. If I'd heard Judgy pants like you talking about me or posting about me I'd remove you from my life.

He just needs to get on with it and support her., or just pretend he's a single dad as he's only doing what a huge chuck of single mums do.

InALonelyWorld · 26/02/2025 11:09

Firstly I'm not going to bash the new mum on the very little info you've provided. Not to mention that you are allegedly his friend so probably don't actually know the true ins and outs of what is actually going on. If anything i would be showing a bit of concern and maybe asking if they need a little more support. It is unusual for the roles to be reversed but many mums are on day and night duty and no one bats an eyelid at the dad for "lazing around". There is many reasons she could be struggling to get up in the night.

Baring in mind, Its been 2 weeks and she could possibly be still adjusting, or there could be something more concerning at play like PND. I know once the hormones wore off I struggled with waking up for big chunks at night. I was awake in labour for 36 hours prior to birth via EMCS, and baby in NICU so I didn't actually sleep properly since before labour started but I was instantly a lone parent when DD was born so I had no choice but to get up and power through the tiredness because no one else would do it.

Why can't he sleep during the day or when baby sleeps? Why is he telling this to his friends instead of seeking advice from a doctor or health visitor? Also as a "good enough friend to confide in" Why aren't you offering more support/advice to the dad or both of them instead of asking a forum if the mum is normal or not?

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