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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

New mum and getting 10 hours sleep while the dad is doing the night feeds

269 replies

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:17

My friend has had a new baby who is two weeks old and as a new mum she isn’t waking up during the night for night feeds with her baby.

Her partner is doing it all. She is going to bed and getting up at 9am all refreshed…… while her partner is up all night making bottles. He is tired and needs help while she is sleeping away.

This can’t be normal can it?

OP posts:
Nothatgingerpirate · 26/02/2025 17:17

If this is real, I say good for her!
Nice to hear about a "reverse".
👍

BexAubs20 · 26/02/2025 18:31

She’s just carried a baby for 9months and given birth. Could have been traumatic. This is what a real man does. We make too many excuses for them! It’s none of your business really and if it was just her getting up would you be writing this?! Doubt it!’

BexAubs20 · 26/02/2025 18:33

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:45

He has no choice…. He’s asked for some help but she won’t get up

I love her she’s a vibe can she be my friend! We all need to take a leaf out of her book!

Happyasapiginshit · 26/02/2025 18:33

You’re either the Dad in this situation or an interfering MIL. No one would bat an eyelid if a dad was getting a full nights sleep whilst the mum was up and exhausted.

BuildbyNumbere · 26/02/2025 18:36

Reverse!

TY78910 · 26/02/2025 18:47

Where is the OP!! I demand answers to all the questions in this thread!

Botanybaby · 26/02/2025 18:53

Good on her

She's got a lovely understanding helpful partner and she's recovering from delivering a baby

Jiski · 26/02/2025 19:02

It is their normal. How traumatic/long was the birth/pregnancy? If he wanted the baby more this could be why. She could have PND or another ailment/chronic illness etc. Who’s doing the majority of the work in the day?

ABigBarofChocolate · 26/02/2025 19:04

I do feel for the dad having to do it all alone but usually it's the mum doing it all alone while the men folk carry on with their lives as if nothing has changed. Not all of them mind. My DH was always getting up for feeds and doing it during the day too. The mum should definitely see a doctor/midwife/HV. They should be visiting soon if they haven't already.

Ritzybitzy · 26/02/2025 19:08

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

Is she ok? Have you bothered to ask???

HolyPeaches · 26/02/2025 19:15

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

Good grief. This is absolutely none of your business.

Get a life. And a grip.

Littlemisslaughalot · 26/02/2025 19:16

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:17

My friend has had a new baby who is two weeks old and as a new mum she isn’t waking up during the night for night feeds with her baby.

Her partner is doing it all. She is going to bed and getting up at 9am all refreshed…… while her partner is up all night making bottles. He is tired and needs help while she is sleeping away.

This can’t be normal can it?

My first response was to mind your own business and don't be so judgy. However reading further, I would say if you are concerned about your friend maybe talk to her as she may have something going on like post natal depression. Trewsy carefully however as sharing the feeds etc with dad us actually ok and it's actually ok if mum does less, it's actually ok for them to do what works best for them. Try not to sound judgy, it won't go down well.

Mulledjuice · 26/02/2025 19:18

All the "none of your business" posters and then one someone harms themselves or God forbid someone else it's all "why did noone do anything?!"

0psiedasiy · 26/02/2025 19:22

Haven’t read all the posts, so not sure if anyone else has suggested this (have read all the op’s posts).

Is the mum ok? I was told I was very lazy after the birth of my first, anytime anyone came round or if I went to my mums I went to bed, I even dropped my dd off with my grandma (who in her early 80’s) so I could sleep. At 6 months the gp tested my thyroid and it was very low, medication made a huge difference, it wasn’t that I just wanted to stay in bed.

LoveFridaynight · 26/02/2025 19:25

I don't think this is real. She can't be getting up at 9am refreshed and sleeping all day, so which is it?
Also he's probably on paternity leave. My DH did all the night feeds while he was on leave (I loved it). However I wasn't sleeping all day either.
This is either not real or you're her MIL.

Randomusername37258 · 26/02/2025 19:29

We did that too, needed it to recover from labour. Did she have a bad birth?

Kuretake · 26/02/2025 19:33

My brother did most of the night feeds as his wife has a medical condition that's exacerbated by not sleeping enough. I did all the night feeds as my baby wouldn't take a bottle.

Pretty shit for both of us but that's parenting a newborn for you! Who do you think got all the sympathy and praise? 🤔

Wisenotboring · 26/02/2025 19:37

It seems a real shame.that she isn't doing any of them. The night feeds are a really special bonding time, if somewhat tiring!
I guess if he is fit, well and off work compared to her who has been pregnant and given birth, it sort of makes sense but I would say a.teamwork approach is better where they help each other out and each get a chance to catch up on some.sleep...

Strictlymad · 26/02/2025 19:38

If all was well then it’s fine, but it’s not fair he wants help/to share and she won’t. Especially if she’s in bed a lot in the day too. You’re right the baby will want mummy and yep parent should be sharing (normally dad not pulling weight!) could she have pnd? I totally get the need for sleep but equally loved caring for my newborn and wanted to be with them every second, couldn’t imagine just leaving it all to daddy!

Cucy · 26/02/2025 19:38

Nothatgingerpirate · 26/02/2025 17:17

If this is real, I say good for her!
Nice to hear about a "reverse".
👍

Why is it good for her?

She’s refusing to get up with her own baby and making one parent do it all.

That makes them a pretty lousy parent, regardless of their sex.

JLou08 · 26/02/2025 19:38

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

Are you not concerned about your friend? Is her DH not concerned for her? It's usually instinctive to want to care for and bond with your own baby. If she is sleeping most of the dat and night and not wanting to care for a baby it very likely she is suffering with serious physical or mental illness.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 26/02/2025 19:40

Two weeks after my babies were born I was bleeding so hard I'd be up several times in the night changing my maternity pads. Sleeping solidly for ten hours wouldn't have been on the cards even if XH had got up to feed them.

Cucy · 26/02/2025 19:41

Most parents (unless they are absolutely awful) would not leave one person to do it all.

As a mother it is even worse because most have a natural instinct to wake up during the night and be more involved.

The fact that she’s refusing to help, even though her partner has asked her is quite concerning.

I would assume something bigger going on like PND and the DH should mention it to the health visitor.

Tiddlywinkly · 26/02/2025 19:41

Happyasapiginshit · 26/02/2025 18:33

You’re either the Dad in this situation or an interfering MIL. No one would bat an eyelid if a dad was getting a full nights sleep whilst the mum was up and exhausted.

Yep. This.

You are so the MIL.
Going to help are you?

NameChangedOfc · 26/02/2025 19:43

No, it's definitely not normal. If she is sleeping through the day too it sounds quite worrying, tbh. Something is interfering in her ability to attach to her baby. She should seek help.

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