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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

New mum and getting 10 hours sleep while the dad is doing the night feeds

269 replies

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:17

My friend has had a new baby who is two weeks old and as a new mum she isn’t waking up during the night for night feeds with her baby.

Her partner is doing it all. She is going to bed and getting up at 9am all refreshed…… while her partner is up all night making bottles. He is tired and needs help while she is sleeping away.

This can’t be normal can it?

OP posts:
partygarden · 26/02/2025 19:47

Hmm from my experience this doesn't seem physically possible. When your milk comes in (whether you intend to breast feed or not) you'll be up every what, 5 hours max with insanely sore boobs if you don't feed/ express.

Also, how does she not wake up? I could hear both of my babies literally just breathing, it's like I developed super hearing when I gave birth, it was horrible 😂

Even if this woman never ever breast fed, I still am not sure she's getting an easy life here. How was true pregnancy/birth? Maybe she needs this extra rest for now.

babyproblems · 26/02/2025 19:47

I can’t see the problem to be honest; if that’s what works for them then fine. Many many mothers do that- I don’t see why some dads can’t if baby is happy and everyone is managing. Of course he is tired. I doubt she is as refreshed as you make out, she’s probably doing the day shift and he naps! Be less judgemental..

barbiegirl881 · 26/02/2025 19:51

I could have easily done this after I’d given birth. I was suicidal, hated my life, just wanted to be in bed and sleep away from my baby. If someone had taken away my baby I would have let them. I was really unwell and needed support, your friend may do too.

Hankunamatata · 26/02/2025 20:01

Is she OK? Could she have pnd?

SockFluffInTheBath · 26/02/2025 20:04

Only read your posts OP not rtft, but you sound like the MIL.

UncharteredWaters · 26/02/2025 20:07

This sounds like the woman beside me in post natal 2/52s ago. Slept all night, handed baby off to any visitor by day, telling them all how tired she was. Barely moved or showered in the whole time!

honestly whether it was laziness/personality/distress I don’t know but it was a recipe for pnd.

Birdie280125 · 26/02/2025 20:14

I suspect this is a reverse post.
No mother who is well sleeps through the night and day when baby is crying for a feed.

Cakeorchocolate · 26/02/2025 20:22

Not "normal" no, generally it's the mums getting nowhere near enough sleep and dad's getting more than their fair share.
Neither way is right.
It should all be shared among all new parents, but the world is not perfect.

If she's sleeping most of the day and night maybe they should seek advice from the HV and or GP. Maybe some PND or anaemic even, or something else, as that's an abnormal amount of sleep to need I would say.

Doingmybestbut · 26/02/2025 20:23

My husband is a much lighter sleeper than I am so once baby was formula fed around six months he probably did more night feeds because he was already awake.

Cucy · 26/02/2025 20:32

babyproblems · 26/02/2025 19:47

I can’t see the problem to be honest; if that’s what works for them then fine. Many many mothers do that- I don’t see why some dads can’t if baby is happy and everyone is managing. Of course he is tired. I doubt she is as refreshed as you make out, she’s probably doing the day shift and he naps! Be less judgemental..

How can you not see the problem.

The dad is struggling and needs her help and the baby needs her mum but she’s not doing the night or day feeds.

There is something massively wrong and DH needs to tell the health visitor.

Wisenotboring · 26/02/2025 20:34

partygarden · 26/02/2025 19:47

Hmm from my experience this doesn't seem physically possible. When your milk comes in (whether you intend to breast feed or not) you'll be up every what, 5 hours max with insanely sore boobs if you don't feed/ express.

Also, how does she not wake up? I could hear both of my babies literally just breathing, it's like I developed super hearing when I gave birth, it was horrible 😂

Even if this woman never ever breast fed, I still am not sure she's getting an easy life here. How was true pregnancy/birth? Maybe she needs this extra rest for now.

I can assure you that some women don't get this with their milk. I never did despite very abruptly stopping breast feeding after a few days with one of my children.

Mumof2girls2121 · 26/02/2025 20:36

Your the mother in law aren’t you?

if the new mum is sleeping day and night have you thought she might be suffering from Post Partum depression ?

MummyJ36 · 26/02/2025 20:44

I love when it’s a dad doing it it’s cruel but when a mother is burning herself out (from the day the baby is born!) it’s ok! To be frank OP it’s none of your business. I think it’s commendable he is looking after the baby whilst she recovers.

stayathomer · 26/02/2025 20:54

I’m just thinking back to when I was pregnant- the EXHAUSTION! This little cutie has literally been taking all the nutrients and goodness out of her for months, plus then you have a new baby that keeps you alert 24/7 because you have to keep her/ him alive when you’ve never had to do it before. Maybe she’s broken by it all or maybe he’s exaggerating, maybe she’s selfish or maybe they’d decided this and he’s trying to get out of it now. I do hope they both get to a happier place, sounds like they need to talk

Pinkapie · 26/02/2025 20:57

Wow, bitter much?!

Branwells77 · 26/02/2025 20:59

All families are different but if she is sleeping as much as you say she is I would be concerned that she is suffering from PND.

Swiftie1878 · 26/02/2025 21:00

Elizabeth2018 · 26/02/2025 10:55

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle

PND? Worth asking if the HV has an eye on her.

Happilyobtuse · 26/02/2025 21:02

Is the man not working?! How is he able to be up all night and work all day?! Or is this just during paternity leave?!

My husband woke up with me during his paternity leave and used to pick baby up and change her and then hand her over for a feed. I had a c-section and this made in easier for me for the first two weeks. After his paternity leave got over I made him sleep in a different room not to disturb him at night as he has a busy and stressful job and I was anyway breastfeeding so not much for him to do! He did however help me on weekends to make things easier.

The woman must have PPD so best get her checked out. No one needs to sleep all day and all night, that isn’t normal.

vickylou78 · 26/02/2025 21:13

We need more details. Was the birth traumatic? Did she have a C-section? Is he on paternity leave? Does she have post natal depression? All of these things could be reasons why she is resting while he does the night feeds.

Andnowshesatoddler · 26/02/2025 21:18

My husband did all of the four am feeds we woke up together and honestly it was the most lovely half hour or so and one of my fondest memories he wakes just after five anyway and felt he got time with our little one before work.
Mind your own there's possibly things you don't know about gone off.

Loub1987 · 26/02/2025 21:23

Perhaps your son isn’t telling you the full truth?

Perhaps she is feeling poorly or suffering from PND.

Most importantly, unless you are seeking to help her, it’s not really your business.

ArtfulPinkBird · 26/02/2025 21:27

Could she be struggling with her MH? Or had a really rough birth that she needs time to recover from?

I was a shell of a person after my baby was born and without my husband doing the night feeds for the first couple of weeks, I absolutely would have ended up in the mother and baby unit as I was so unwell. It really crept up on me and was very unexpected, we had psychiatrists at the house every few days for a few weeks. I wouldn't make any assumptions about your friend without knowing the full story, but this would be my guess at what could be going on. I'd try and support her as best you can rather than judge their current set up, which is their business.

Psychologymam · 26/02/2025 21:34

I mean lots of women exclusively breastfeed and do all the nights for years (!) and nobody seems horrified about that. Personally I wanted to bf so did all nights and my husband picked up lots of the slack elsewhere. Unless you’re being asked for advice, I wouldn’t jump in with much tbh

Bestfootforward11 · 26/02/2025 21:34

There’s a bit of judgment in this post. She’s not getting up at 9am refreshed if she is then sleeping more in the day. Maybe she is physically exhausted, maybe she has PND. Maybe her partner should be trying to discuss things to find out what’s going on. And you could also perhaps do something practical and helpful rather than pass comment on things not being ‘normal’.

Mh67 · 26/02/2025 21:34

Is she depressed? If she isn't getting up wanting to feed baby etc she maybe.
i personally never let my hubby get up at night. He had two jobs and I could sleep when baby did during the day