New mum and getting 10 hours sleep while the dad is doing the night feeds

[Elizabeth2018]

My friend has had a new baby who is two weeks old and as a new mum she isn’t waking up during the night for night feeds with her baby.

Her partner is doing it all. She is going to bed and getting up at 9am all refreshed…… while her partner is up all night making bottles. He is tired and needs help while she is sleeping away.

This can’t be normal can it?

Be honest and admit you’re the MIL.

I’d be worried about PND. I couldn’t have slept through my baby if I tried. But 2 week PP was fucking hard.

Not. Your. Business.

Yes! I think you've hit the nail on the head. It's ridiculous, let them be. He has his own voice.

She’s sleeping most of the day too, I’m just concerned that the little baby needs it’s mummy to cuddle
You seem to know an awful lot about their daily routine. How do you know the baby isn't getting cuddles. Are you living with them? If not, how do you know their exact routine?

Is she ok? Could she had PND? How was her birth? Were there complications? Has she recovered? Is she stocking up in sleeps before DH goes back to work? Does she need support? How is her MH? Does she have any ACES?

Why are you involved? Why doesn't DH speak up? Is he complaining? Is it any of your business??

You know all of this how?

Me too sound like a classic busy body mother in law to me

My husband insisted on a similar set up. He knew I'd be doing the lions share once his paternity was over. Our babies are now 21, 19 and 15 years old. He still sometimes talks about how precious those moments alone were to him. However my mum never tired of telling me how lucky I should count myself that I had a man so hands on with his own babies. I asked her if she imagined his mum said that to him about me? 🙄

What most mums, especially those that are breastfeeding, do then you mean? Presumably he's off on paternity leave?

My daughter has just had a baby, she does the feed around midnight and then around 6am, her husband does the overnight feeds

Are you the " friend" or is the OP you?
I would be concerned about a friend and urge her to visit her GP, as this was me when my Severe PND set in.
It took me almost 2 years to recover and I'd hate anyone suffering the same as I did.

Honestly, it’s really none of your business at all what arrangement they have.

Not all new mums recover from birth quickly. She is 2 weeks pp! Some people have a very rough birth, birth injuries, heavy blood loss etc. I have known women who nearly died from childbirth, haemorrhaging, and ending up in ICU.

Your friend might not have nearly died, but that doesn’t mean that she is fully recovered. She may have had a rough birth and is physically still recovering. She could have had birth injuries that she hasn’t told you about, that are still healing.

His job as a new dad is to look after new mum while she recovers from pregnancy and childbirth and look after baby and for them to bond as a family. This is why there is paternity leave.

It really isn’t any of your business how they are doing things as a new family. And in these early weeks they need to be given space to figure things out between themselves.

I seen your replies about him asking for help and her not helping. I would say this is a massive red flag for PPD. Also the sleeping excessively through the day too.

does she do anything with baby through the day? Classes? Meet for coffee etc?

Why are you on here judging your friend?
Maybe he wants to do it. Maybe he’s on paternity leave and, as someone else said, doing all he can while he’s off. Maybe he’s a night owl or an insomniac. Maybe she had a horrible traumatic birth or is struggling with her mental health.
Maybe she does all or the vast majority of the care during the day because he has a lot of hobbies.
He sounds like a dream who actually cares for his partner and is loving on his new baby. Butt out.

she gave birth 2 weeks ago! going for coffees? wtf

Sorry read as 2 months. Still would be worried about her not responding to baby day or night. Could be PND.

No sign of op coming back I see..... defo either the dad or mil/sil

what’s the alternative? that they both stay up and suffer? or that only she does it? why is this a problem? seems they agreed on it and you’re annoyed that your son isn’t getting much sleep. Why don’t you offer to take on some nights?