Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Sex after birth, how long did you wait?

104 replies

Anonymoususer456 · 29/07/2023 15:45

I’m just curious as to how long people waited to have sex again after birth, obviously different experiences will lead to different time frames.

im 10 days PP and all I want to do is jump on my other half 😂 currently waiting for a tear with stitches to heal so resisting but the urge is unreal! I don’t remember being like this with my first it was 5 weeks.

OP posts:
WantingToEducate · 30/07/2023 08:40

Well over a year!!

I was absolutely exhausted and sex was a million miles away from what was on my mind 😂

I think it was about the same for our second baby too.

I had no interest in sex whatsoever 😂

SushiSuave · 30/07/2023 08:50

We waited ages - like almost a year due to damage done during the birth. To be honest, we are 7 years on and I still find sex painful and unenjoyable :(

WantingToEducate · 30/07/2023 09:05

SushiSuave · 30/07/2023 08:50

We waited ages - like almost a year due to damage done during the birth. To be honest, we are 7 years on and I still find sex painful and unenjoyable :(

My two are 9 and 5 and I also find sex quite painful at times.

My babies were both born by c-section so it’s not vaginal pain, but I get a lot of abdominal pain where my scar is and it can sometimes be very acute and sharp twinges or on other occasion it presents as a long lasting heavy ache across my abdomen (this is more frequent with missionary).

It does affect what sexual positions we can use now as some can be unbearable at times. Not to be crude, but if we are doing it doggy-style for example, I have to firmly press my hand against my abdomen otherwise the back and forth motion of it can really cause me pain.

I do have a relatively flat stomach but that position can be really uncomfortable for me unless I support my muscles and stop them from moving. I would say it took about 15 months after birth until I could manage the doggy-style position but even now I still feel a little bit apprehensive about the pains I may experience during sex.

My husband is really supportive and follows my lead in terms of what is ok and what isn’t, but it’s still a bit of a passion killer at times.

Goldencup · 30/07/2023 09:34

SushiSuave · 30/07/2023 08:50

We waited ages - like almost a year due to damage done during the birth. To be honest, we are 7 years on and I still find sex painful and unenjoyable :(

I'm sorry do you think you should seek some support or help for this, 7 years seems a long time.

Goldencup · 30/07/2023 09:44

Goldencup · 30/07/2023 07:46

But how does your partner's hopefully clean penis and semen confer an infection risk ?

Show quote history

Well we will have to disagree the vagina is mildly acidic to protect from precisely these types of problems. In terms of normal skin flora, they also exist on the women's skin and genital area.Do these women not touch their own genitals after giving birth ?

I think once the bleeding has stopped that is a fair indication that things are healing up. Most women giving birth will be young and healthy we would expect a wound to heal up in 2-4 weeks, especially somewhere with such a good blood supply. For me the bleeding lasted days rather than weeks. (From memory around 10 days for the first and 4 or 5 for the second, quicker labour, physiological 3rd stage).

I am frankly horrified by these women putting up with painful sex years later !

Mummy08m · 30/07/2023 09:44

There is an infection risk if you still have lochia. As @GracePalmer33 says you have an open wound where the placenta detached. I have a friend who was rushed back to hospital with sepsis a few weeks post partum (very traumatic for her) because that internal wound got infected - it wasn't from sex in her case but the point is that site is still vulnerable to infection if it's bleeding.

I'd always wait till the lochia has stopped and I'd advise all my friends to do the same.

In my case unfortunately the lochia carried on for nearly 8 weeks. I told the midwives and they're looking into a potential clotting disorder. But that's not relevant to this thread! I was sometimes in the mood before 8 weeks but was too cautious about infection - I already had sepsis postpartum and not a chance I'd risk that again.

If you've ever had sepsis - it is the absolute worst feeling I've ever had, felt like I was dying, I honestly just got this overwhelming feeling that I was about to die. I've still not totally recovered emotionally 3y later, I don't think I ever will.

homeforme · 30/07/2023 12:25

Missing the point but all this talk about unsterile penises and semen being a risk of infection, why on earth would anyone be having sex without a condom?

I'm not suggesting a condom minimises the risk of infection here just to clarify it's the assumption people are doing it unprotected

yogasaurus · 30/07/2023 12:47

homeforme · 30/07/2023 12:25

Missing the point but all this talk about unsterile penises and semen being a risk of infection, why on earth would anyone be having sex without a condom?

I'm not suggesting a condom minimises the risk of infection here just to clarify it's the assumption people are doing it unprotected

Because people are talking about resuming sex after having a baby, so presumably for the most part it’s long-term partners they are talking about.

I don’t use condoms with DH.

homeforme · 30/07/2023 12:53

@yogasaurus

Because people are talking about resuming sex after having a baby, so presumably for the most part it’s long-term partners they are talking about.

I don’t use condoms with DH.

I understand that, and I wouldn't ordinarily use condoms with DH either, but not long after giving birth we absolutely did. Usually I would have a coil in place and wouldn't be spotting blood/lochia. I don't think normal sex life 'conditions' are comparable with those of having had a baby very recently.

homeforme · 30/07/2023 12:54

Sorry juts realised my initial comment did not state I was talking about those resuming soon after birth, when posters are saying there is a huge risk of infection. Not weeks/months down the line

yogasaurus · 30/07/2023 12:58

@homeforme didn’t use condoms shortly after birth either, I’ve never heard anyone advising of this.

homeforme · 30/07/2023 13:02

yogasaurus · 30/07/2023 12:58

@homeforme didn’t use condoms shortly after birth either, I’ve never heard anyone advising of this.

I wasn't saying it was advised.

It was merely a 'why would you not' because I noticed those who were talking about penises not being clean and semen being an infection risk were assuming people didn't use condoms in those early days, whereas I assumed people would. Each to their own I guess.

Lamelie · 30/07/2023 13:03

Saucepot1985 · 29/07/2023 21:23

sent before I finished! I’m interested to see if anyone else waited that long. I still get the odd pang around my stitch area now!

A year. Poor DH but my vag was completely shredded. It was nearly 30 years ago and I still feel angry that my gp was so awful; she couldn’t have ushered me out quick enough, didn’t even look.

Mummy08m · 30/07/2023 13:04

homeforme · 30/07/2023 12:25

Missing the point but all this talk about unsterile penises and semen being a risk of infection, why on earth would anyone be having sex without a condom?

I'm not suggesting a condom minimises the risk of infection here just to clarify it's the assumption people are doing it unprotected

We did use condoms for the first few months or so after resuming sex because it does slightly reduce the risk of infection as they are (supposed to be) sterilised before packaging.

But it does not reduce the risk of infection altogether by any means, if you still have an internal wound. And oral sex, manual etc has the risk of infection as well.

For me I'd always advocate total abstention until the bleeding stops.

AlligatorPsychopath · 30/07/2023 13:07

We used condoms for the first few months after birth, for contraceptive purposes until I could get a new IUD. I was breastfeeding but we weren't about to risk a new pregnancy.

We didn't wait 6 weeks because I didn't want to. I felt fine and enjoyed the sex. I don't bleed for long after birth anyway.

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 30/07/2023 13:12

First natural birth it was 2 weeks.

c section second time, 2 days

Goldencup · 30/07/2023 13:53

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 30/07/2023 13:12

First natural birth it was 2 weeks.

c section second time, 2 days

Wow what a range 2 days vs 7 years !

Purple89 · 30/07/2023 14:50

3 months. However my DD is now 8 months and we haven't done it since... we are both exhausted and my sex drive has disappeared! Hoping it comes back...!

Hibiscrubbed · 30/07/2023 15:15

As soon as I stopped bleeding I think. About five weeks. I was nervous if I remember. But then it was fine and normal.

soberfabulous · 30/07/2023 15:51

I had a sex AND orgasm ban during my pregnancy due to a cervical stitch.

I was absolutely dying to have sex as a result and I think we managed to wait 4 weeks.

MamaBear2210T · 30/07/2023 15:54

4 months ish. I couldn't have done in for 6 weeks after was still bleeding.

SushiSuave · 30/07/2023 17:10

@Goldencup maybe I should although I'm not sure there's anything they can do now? I had an epesiotomy and third degree tear but I never read my file after giving birth so I don't know any more than that or if I had internal stitches etc. i was exhausted, traumatised and didn't get round to reading them before they were taken back. I was 25 and feel I was fobbed off and kept out of the loop, probably due to my age. So my understanding of my birth and injuries is very very minimal. Would be interested to know if anyone else has had birth injuries Looked at this far down the line and if it's worth my speaking to the GP?

YesIknowalready · 30/07/2023 17:12

Saucepot1985 · 29/07/2023 21:24

Snap!

Show quote history

Me too. It was the absolute last thing on my mind. Genuinely.
I think it was a good nine months. Fucking ages.

PistachioGelato · 30/07/2023 18:48

C section/6months until full PIV

KickingEAP · 30/07/2023 18:49

About a fortnight for us

Swipe left for the next trending thread