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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Sex after birth, how long did you wait?

104 replies

Anonymoususer456 · 29/07/2023 15:45

I’m just curious as to how long people waited to have sex again after birth, obviously different experiences will lead to different time frames.

im 10 days PP and all I want to do is jump on my other half 😂 currently waiting for a tear with stitches to heal so resisting but the urge is unreal! I don’t remember being like this with my first it was 5 weeks.

OP posts:
Yusay · 29/07/2023 22:42

OP the medical guidance is no penetration of the vagina with anything, and no oral sex on the mother, for six weeks after birth, to avoid bacteria travelling up through your cervix which is currently wide open and through your uteras and tubes into your abdominal cavity where it can cause major scar tissue and eg make you infertile.

Cece92 · 29/07/2023 22:45

I waited until after my 6 week check. I was stitched from hole to hole and had a bad haemorrhage after I gave birth. I was so bloody horny though it was ridiculous. I waited due to being told to due to stitched and to avoid infection xx

diamondpony80 · 29/07/2023 22:46

I had bad tearing so it was a good 3 months or so before I would even chance it!

throwbacko2 · 29/07/2023 22:47

It was months with the first, weeks with the second and 12 days with the 3rd.

scrivette · 29/07/2023 22:47

About a year with DC2 and about 6 months with DC2.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/07/2023 22:52

Yusay · 29/07/2023 22:38

No, no it isn’t. Women have died from infection given to them by their partner in sexual activity too soon after birth. It isn’t ’whenever feels good’ it’s ‘whenever it’s medically safe to do so and also it feels good’

Show quote history

Yet the NHS advise exactly that - when a woman feels ready. They don't even warn against any infection risk.

Early days - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

nhs.uk

Early days

What to expect in the first few weeks after your baby's birth, including checks, feeding and poo.

https://www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/labour-and-birth/after-the-birth/early-days/

Mariposa26 · 29/07/2023 23:12

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/07/2023 22:52

Yet the NHS advise exactly that - when a woman feels ready. They don't even warn against any infection risk.

Early days - NHS (www.nhs.uk)

Show quote history

This is so interesting. I was specifically told to wait until my 6 week check when I was discharged from the hospital. And also not to wear tampons until then too (not that I needed to!) Maybe it depends on the type of birth….I had no idea about this guidance!

MissSmiley · 29/07/2023 23:40

A couple of days, given birth four times, including twins. I don't understand what the infection risk is all about.

PinkButtercups · 30/07/2023 06:54

Anonymoususer456 · 29/07/2023 22:31

@StillWantingADog my sister has exactly 11 months between her two… 😬🤯

Me and my sister were in the same school year too. We're not twins. I was premature. There would've been a year between us.

GracePalmer33 · 30/07/2023 07:35

MissSmiley · 29/07/2023 23:40

A couple of days, given birth four times, including twins. I don't understand what the infection risk is all about.

I can help there! So, after your placenta detaches from your uterus after you birth your baby, it leaves what is essentially a huge, placenta sized open wound inside your body that slowly heals over the next few days and weeks. If you imagine you had an open wound that size on the outside of your body it would probably be the size of your entire thigh, and you would be very very careful to keep it covered and safe from infection as infections occur when things get into open wounds that shouldn't be there. While your cervix is still wide open it's easier for things that should not be going into your uterus to get up there. Eventually the wound heals and so there is less risk if anything should make its way up there.

So that's a simplified version of how there is an infection risk.

GracePalmer33 · 30/07/2023 07:38

A lot of countries advise 6 weeks. I've no idea why the UK doesn't. Immediately after birth and for days and weeks after you have a gigantic open wound inside your body that is healing.

MariaVT65 · 30/07/2023 07:39

6 months. We were both exhausted and I had a very long c section recovery.

Goldencup · 30/07/2023 07:46

GracePalmer33 · 30/07/2023 07:35

I can help there! So, after your placenta detaches from your uterus after you birth your baby, it leaves what is essentially a huge, placenta sized open wound inside your body that slowly heals over the next few days and weeks. If you imagine you had an open wound that size on the outside of your body it would probably be the size of your entire thigh, and you would be very very careful to keep it covered and safe from infection as infections occur when things get into open wounds that shouldn't be there. While your cervix is still wide open it's easier for things that should not be going into your uterus to get up there. Eventually the wound heals and so there is less risk if anything should make its way up there.

So that's a simplified version of how there is an infection risk.

Show quote history

But how does your partner's hopefully clean penis and semen confer an infection risk ?

yogasaurus · 30/07/2023 07:48

6 weeks, 3 weeks. Both normal deliveries with a few stitches

Goldencup · 30/07/2023 07:50

Anyway for us 2 or 3 weeks I think 1st time and 5 weeks second time ( delayed because condoms had expired)

PermanentTemporary · 30/07/2023 08:00

3 weeks for a bit of a tentative try. Felt kind of ok but not right.

6 weeks. Lots better.

PermanentTemporary · 30/07/2023 08:01

I would have thought that if you still have lochia, perhaps wait?

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 30/07/2023 08:02

6 months when i stopped breastfeeding

StillWantingADog · 30/07/2023 08:05

PermanentTemporary · 30/07/2023 08:01

I would have thought that if you still have lochia, perhaps wait?

Ah yes I bled for weeks!

Delphinium20 · 30/07/2023 08:08

Six months...and we went slow and it still was a bit sore. Finally, at 1 year, it was normal sex again. Everyone's different. I had a small tear but so small, no stitches needed. But, I bled for 2 months after. I was an older mom, so that could also have impacted it.

LT2 · 30/07/2023 08:14

We waited the recommended time - 6 weeks? But upon attempting, couldn't do it. It was really painful for me. Wasn't until around 4 months PP that I could manage it. No idea why it was so painful for me. I've always found sex a bit uncomfortable, but since the birth, it's worse (I'm 18 months PP now!)
Weird because I also had a really quick and easy birth! I immediately said I'd do it again. It was a lot easier and less painful (just had gas and air for the final 20 mins!) than I was fearing and expecting.

LT2 · 30/07/2023 08:17

MissSmiley · 29/07/2023 23:40

A couple of days, given birth four times, including twins. I don't understand what the infection risk is all about.

This makes me cringe (i mean, as I'm how much pain I'd be in!). I guess it just goes to show your everyone's body's heal so differently! I had a really easy and quick birth, but did tear I'm quite a few places.. maybe why!

GracePalmer33 · 30/07/2023 08:20

@Goldencup I'm confused, are you being serious and you can't work out how a penis could potentially introduce bacteria to an open wound?

I'm going to take a punt that even with the best intentions, an average man is not washing his penis before sex to the same degree that a surgeon or nurse would wash their hands before performing a medical procedure on an open wound.
Also sterile gloves are worn by medical professionals during procedures to minimise the risk of infection as washing hands isn't really fool proof unless done incredibly thoroughly which the average person doesn't do.

I've never really known anyone to say "the average penis is so clean it could be used as a medical implement!!" - have you?

I'd also take a punt that the majority of men aren't washing their penises incredibly thoroughly immediately before sex and then inserting them directly into the vagina of their partner without allowing them to touch ANYTHING on the way there 😂 foreplay, rubbing the external areas, touching again with hands, mouths, underwear, touching bedsheets, all would introduce "stuff" that you probably wouldn't rub directly into an open wound, so the same logic applies here....

SouthLondonMum22 · 30/07/2023 08:25

GracePalmer33 · 30/07/2023 07:38

A lot of countries advise 6 weeks. I've no idea why the UK doesn't. Immediately after birth and for days and weeks after you have a gigantic open wound inside your body that is healing.

I imagine because the risk of infection is minimal, the NHS doesn’t even warn against it but does warn against a potential new pregnancy without contraception.

flannelonthesink · 30/07/2023 08:28

5 weeks and 6 days 😂 wanted to do it way before then though. Waited until the 6ish week mark just from the advice from the midwife after my emcs.