Upset partner didn’t kiss me or tell me he was proud after I give birtn

[Anonymous2022xx]

I gave birth in May. I’m really struggling with silly things upsetting me, it really upsets me that my fiancé didn’t kiss me after the birth or tell me I did amazing or that he’s proud. Feels like he didn’t appreciate me. I feel so jealous when I see other peoples videos after birth their partner showing them so much affectation and appreciation.

i understand it was a shock and busy time for him too, but I feel like it took the magic away from the moment. He didn’t watch my son be born either which I really wanted. Can’t help but feel so let down by his lack of pride in me after the birth :(

Has anyone else experienced feelings like this?

Kind of my point.

Women only get medals and prizes for things men would get medals for. If a man can't do it, it apparently doesn't count.

I suspect that women here who don't remember what their partners said are women whose partners said something nice and kind to them.

@Anonymous2022xx have you talked to him about your feelings here?

Don't hold it in or try to balance his good points in general vs. how his failure left you feeling.

A huge percentage of the replies on this thread are waaaay off what Im thinking, Its like you've read a different op altogether.
Op - I get how you are feeling I think. You are wishing for more appreciation. A bit of loving, a kiss, a cuddle, a "Im so pleased you are my wife and mother of our beautiful child" - all of which it sounds like you didnt get and of course you have every right imho to feel sad you didnt get.

Has he been kind and loving since then? If so Id get over the lack of "loving" just after the birth (maybe he was just overwhelmed or terrified!) but if hes been like that ever since Id have major words with him. Its always nice to feel appreciated and acknowledged. xxx

You expected him to:

• watch your son be born
• then kiss you and
• tell you he's proud of you

and he didn't do any of those things.

Hmmm... ok I want to be helpful but also honest... you set yourself up for likely disappointment by having such specific expectations. You didn't let him just react naturally, in the moment and enjoy that. It's like you had a script for him that he didn't even know about and now you're annoyed he didn't follow the script, y'know? That's not on him.

I know you were the one actually giving birth, but it was obviously a big moment for him too. Why did he have to react exactly how you wanted him to? Actually, how did he react? What did he do and say? Maybe try focusing now on the good memories from that? (And learn to not have such specific expectations in the future).

OP hopefully the majority of the PP's show that most men/partners have probably reacted in exactly the same way your partner did after the birth of your DS. Please don't compare your partner to what you see on SM, instead think about what he is like in RL towards you and your DS. And remember, he has just met his son so telling you what you want to hear may not have been at the forefront of his mind. As PP have said, social media is fake and all about the attention. The last thing I wanted and had on my mind after giving birth was making a video, whether for SM or not, and NOONE other than medical staff were going down 'that' end during the birth.
Congratulations on the birth of your DS

"Expect nothing and you will never be disappointed"

Bloody hell. This forum can be hard work sometimes. Op, I would feel similar, it's a big emotional thing to go through for both and it's not crazy to expect a rush of emotion and pride from your partner. You didn't get that which is a shame and there's not a lot to be done unless you have another child at some point, but I get it.

I know you were the one actually giving birth, but it was obviously a big moment for him too.

Was it though?

If it was a big moment for him, he sure had a funny way of showing it.

If it was a big moment for him, why not say that?

Why piss on his wife's chips by withholding his feelings from her?

You expected him to:
watch your son be born
then kiss you and
tell you he's proud of you
and he didn't do any of those things.
Hmmm... ok I want to be helpful but also honest... you set yourself up for likely disappointment by having such specific expectations.

I doubt the OP had a birth plan listing these things she wanted from her partner. She has given specific examples because she thinks that is how a partner might express affection, pride and care. The vibe is she wishes he had been proud and caring of her experience of going through one of life's most amazing events.

There are MANY ways to express affection, pride and love for someone you care about who has done something awesome, and if these had happened I think we can assume OP would not have posted here.

Pretty sure the expectations the OP had were:

• Give me some sign that he felt proud or happy with OP for giving birth
• indicate that the birth was an important event in their lives

Is this still too specific? Or is this too much to expect from the partner?

I gave birth in May. I’m really struggling with silly things upsetting me, it really upsets me that my fiancé didn’t kiss me after the birth or tell me I did amazing or that he’s proud. Feels like he didn’t appreciate me. I feel so jealous when I see other peoples videos after birth their partner showing them so much affectation and appreciation.

i understand it was a shock and busy time for him too, but I feel like it took the magic away from the moment. He didn’t watch my son be born either which I really wanted. Can’t help but feel so let down by his lack of pride in me after the birth :(
^^
Has anyone else experienced feelings like this?'

The points are just from the OP.

And people can react to an important event differently than you or I would. It doesn't make it less important to them... it just means they react differently 🤷 He might be a more hide his emotions type of guy. I don't know - OP hasn't said what her husband did do.

It's never unreasonable to want something, obviously. It's both your children, it took you both to get there, nobody needs spoiled. You're thoughts should be about your newborn, not flowers. The newborn doesn't care about flowers. Having a child is expensive enough why buy flowers. The father would never get an equal treatment so it seems pretty sexist. Lots of kids don't even thank their own mothers for being born and there's nothing wrong with that because nobody should expect thanks for that. Nobody owes you anything, not your partner, not your children. YOU owe your children thanks for dealing with being brought into this world without consent. Yes obviously a child can't give consent but you should understand the point.

An old thread, by my god some of these comments are truly nasty. Especially the ones about not needing a medal, not needing anyone to say they’re proud of you for giving birth, or even that the man “made” the child as well. My god. If men had said any of these comments they’d be horribly sexist. Pregnancy, labour and birth is bloody hard. Give me all of the love, pride, presents and flowers please. Why are we trying to minimise it? Bizarre.