Upset partner didn’t kiss me or tell me he was proud after I give birtn

[Anonymous2022xx]

I gave birth in May. I’m really struggling with silly things upsetting me, it really upsets me that my fiancé didn’t kiss me after the birth or tell me I did amazing or that he’s proud. Feels like he didn’t appreciate me. I feel so jealous when I see other peoples videos after birth their partner showing them so much affectation and appreciation.

i understand it was a shock and busy time for him too, but I feel like it took the magic away from the moment. He didn’t watch my son be born either which I really wanted. Can’t help but feel so let down by his lack of pride in me after the birth :(

Has anyone else experienced feelings like this?

You only feel you are lacking because of what you see on documentaries or social media. Both of which can be performative and edited. Don't let this ridiculousness take joy away from you.

My dh didn’t kiss me or say I love you.
He was far too busy staring at his child. He was a lot overwhelmed for a while. He wasn’t the only one.

Who do these videos belong to that you are watching? I didn't find childbirth the Hollywood moment I expected. I always cry at things like One Born Every Minute, but I didn't cry when I held my own children. I was fucking knackered and sweaty. It doesn't mean that I wasn't happy and proud.

Social media isn't real life and, as others have said here, it has a lot to answer for. It doesn't show the pain and the discomfort, the vomit and the poo, being spaced-out so much on drugs you can't remember if you had your baby yesterday or today (yes, really). Real life isnt viewed through an insta filter.

I hope you're okay, OP, and that otherwise you're getting the love and support you deserve.

You could always of had it worse... my first child's dad finished with me 15 minutes after I gave birth and literally left me holding our baby whilst I was still immobilised from an epidural over a decade ago now.

Agreed. I'm willing to bet some few are real, spur of the moment reactions, but the vast majority are not. I honestly can't remember exactly what DH did/said with ours. I think he was sobbing with the first, and the second he was resolutely not watching while the drapes were dropped, and then went off with baby for their check over.

Hit post too soon.

He was there for me during pregnancy and labour, and he's a great father to our children. What he did at the moment of and immediately after birth pales besides those.

On a side note, I'm having deja vu. I'd swear I've read a very similar thread recently either here or on Reddit.

Some men can't watch and find it too traumatic. Some pass out. There was a dad on one born every minute who did.

I have never watched a friend’s video of birth or after birth. It really isn’t a thing for people I know. Are you usually comparing yourself to people on social media or friends experiences? I think this might be a greater problem as I honestly can’t remember if I even kissed my husband after the birth, do you feel let down by him in other ways, or do feel a bit down after the birth? I think it might be helpful to speak to your husband and your midwife as PND can be debilitating, especially if left unchecked.

I know exactly what you mean, op! I’ve had three babies and thought my dh should have reacted like I’ve seen on the tv. Instead he said “oh it’s a baby!”
I’m sure we’re not alone and that they love us and their babies too. It did hurt at the time.

Yes I’m aware it’s his son too. Also this post isn’t about the labour or the drugs? I handled the labour very well. The pain wasn’t the issue and I didn’t feel the need for anything else to manage the pain. I’m confused by this response?

Completely off the point but didn’t know birth videos was a thing.

You can’t force someone to watch the baby coming out, so YABU there. DH didn’t watch DS come out, it’s personal preference. I wouldn’t have wanted to watch it either 😂😂

Why is it confusing? Social media isn't real life.

I haven’t went out of my way to watch peoples birth videos, just when they come up on my timeline. Thankyou though xx

I mean videos of actual people on TikTok that have come up on my timeline. I don’t watch documentaries or programmes about it so that’s not why I feel like I’m lacking.

OP step away from social media, you are watching snippets of other peoples lives, more often than not they are created to
present a specific story or ideal and despite all best effects it is human nature to compare what we see with our own experience and comparison is the thief of joy.

No. And I expect I'm not the first one saying that if people are making post-birth videos then they will be doing them entirely for purposes of attention. Therefore, they will be unrepresentative of reality and a barf-fest.

On balance, I think you should applaud your DH 😂

Remember too though, that births can be upsetting for some men. I applaud you for a successful delivery but it's not something I ever felt proud of; delivering a child was something my body just did. It wasn't something I felt hugely in control of.

Mine didn’t either but it didn’t occur to me that he should have. We were both too focused on the person of the hour.

I wouldn't read too much into videos on social media that people share to show how perfect their lives are... I honestly can't remember what DH said to me afterwards, I just know he was very happy.

But as others have said, the context is important here - does he otherwise seem distant/unhappy/uninvolved?

I don’t recall my husband kissing me or telling me he was proud of me. I don’t even think we had any contact or affection when my daughter was born 😂 he did text me saying ‘love you both’ when he got home but I wouldn’t get caught up in what was said or not said in the moment tbh

@Staffy1 my thoughts too! X

Still not going to bother answering what he's like as a partner and father?

I didn't even know this was a thing! It would of felt really unnatural for me if dp told me how proud he was of me straight after going through what I did. I'm not a child and I don't seek a reward or appreciation from him. I think given your op you are feeling particularly sensitive if that is fair enough to say?

Surely dp shows and makes you feel proud rather than him actually saying it? Is this issue a reflection of the way of or lack of way he is treating now? It's been acouple of months now since your birth and seems a weird thing to fixate on

Post natal hormones are a weird and wonderful thing! I compare them to when I'm due on and randomly bicker and find things more upsetting with dp than usual but times that by ten

When the storm passes you may be able to think more clearly iyswim

I'm sorry op. That's really hard. Both dh and I don't do cringey soppy stuff but he did say how proud of me he was, he definitely kissed me at some point but I don't know when. Certainly would never ever make a video.
How has he been with you and baby since birth?