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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Any tips about having a baby please. I am young and scared.

347 replies

Fluffy00 · 26/02/2019 18:24

Hi. I'm new here. Has anyone ever given birth alone? I mean completely alone like with no midwife or anything? I'm young and expecting a baby which I think will be here very soon. I don't really want anyone else involved but I know it will be safer so if anyone has any tips that they can give me about anything to do with giving birth to a baby really it would be helpful because I don't know what to expect and I'm quite scared. Thank you to anyone who replies.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fluffy00 · 26/02/2019 23:35

Thank you. It helps to know that it happens to other girls. And anyone medical that I talk to tomorrow won't be able to tell my mum if I don't want them to will they even though I'm under 16?

OP posts:
mangolover · 26/02/2019 23:40

How old are you @Fluffy00? None of us here will know you as it's anonymous and absolutely no judgement but we may be able to direct you to the right places.

Most hospitals now have a midwife specifically for teen pregnancies and I bet they have plenty more you're age too.

WeeDangerousSpike · 26/02/2019 23:41

If you are 13 or over it will be confidential, just like for an adult. Here's a link with more details www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/confidentiality-at-sexual-health-services/

olderthanyouthink · 26/02/2019 23:42

I'm sure they can only encourage you to talk to your mum

Original poster
Fluffy00 · 26/02/2019 23:48

I'm 14

OP posts:
babycatcher411 · 26/02/2019 23:49

As a professional, if you’re over 13 I wouldn’t be able to disclose anything to your family, but I would have to involve our safeguarding lead midwife and social care if you do not have an adult to support you with this.
Not because I would necessarily have concerns that you couldn’t raise the baby yourself (I did a perfectly good job at a young age), but it would be to make sure there are provisions in place for you to safely take your baby home (somewhere, doesn’t have to be your mums).
This wouldn’t again necessarily have to involve your mum, but you need to have a home for yourself and your baby to be able to raise him/her safely.

weegiemum · 26/02/2019 23:49

Please don't be alone.

My dd1 went to school with a wee girl who had a young mum. She didn't tell anyone, gave birth alone and panicked, so left the baby somewhere safe where she was found. Luckily they were reunited and now that baby is at College and wants to be a midwife herself!

You don't need to panic. You will be a great mum and you just need some help right now. It's really important that you get checked out by a midwife or doctor. You could even make an appointment with your gp practice nurse, they will be able to help - though they're not a midwife they can start you off seeing one and would be quicker to see than a GP.

Is there no way you can tell your mum? If not, your friends mum is a good idea. I've got 2 teenage girls and if any of their friends came to me I'd help them.

TrixieFranklin · 26/02/2019 23:52

Please do seek medical attention, delivering a baby can be complicated and you need the support of someone with you.

DeRigueurMortis · 26/02/2019 23:52

If you are over 13 it will be confidential.

That said, if you are under 13 I can't stress enough how important it is for you to seek medical attention regardless.

I'm sure you are very frightened and scared, but if you want to look after yourself and your baby you need to find your courage and seek help.

You are not the first young teen to have a baby. Medical professionals will help you, guide you and support you.

Please go to your local maternity unit tomorrow. I promise the midwives will help you whatever age you are Thanks.

Original poster
Fluffy00 · 26/02/2019 23:53

I could maybe tell my friend's mum she is really nice. My friend knows I'm pregnant but she doesn't know how far and she hasn't seen how big my belly's got so I think she thinks there's still a while to go and she's promised not to tell anyone. I just don't know about telling my mum. We get on but we're not really close. I think she'll just be angry at how stupid I've been and want to know who the dad is and it will just make everything worse at the moment.

OP posts:
jcmayj · 26/02/2019 23:54

Please tell your Mum OP and don't deal with this alone. Be safe, there can be complications during childbirth for you and your baby Thanks❤️

Don't do this alone

letsdolunch321 · 26/02/2019 23:55

Sweetheart, please see your GP's nurse or go to your local maternity hospital tomorrow.

People at hospitals are there to help you. There are lots of organisations to help young mums

Good luck 💐

Littlechocola · 26/02/2019 23:57

You are incredibly brave fluffy.

DeRigueurMortis · 26/02/2019 23:58

Fluffy, you're not going to be able to keep this a secret for much longer sweetheart.

The priority is getting medical care as I suspect you're nearly at full term.

What would be better for you tomorrow? Go to the maternity unit alone or confide with your friends mother and ask her to go with you?

You sound like you trust your friends mum, so my advice would be to speak to her first and ask her to go with you.

AssassinatedBeauty · 27/02/2019 00:01

Your mum might be angry to begin with as it's a shock, but underneath that she will see that you're scared and need help. Especially as you're very pregnant and things will need to be sorted out soon. At least if you tell her before the baby is born she has a chance to get her head around it, rather than being surprised by you going into labour or being in hospital.

friskybivalves · 27/02/2019 00:03

Dear Fluffy

My daughter is a bit younger than you still and I can promise that if she came and told me she was about to have a baby I would just scoop her up, tell her how much I loved her, and smother her in support and help. I'd be shocked at first - difficult not to be! - but never angry. I would want to protect you and keep you safe.

Do you have a decent relationship with your mum usually?

Is the baby's dad around at all?

There is loads of help out there - really no need to face this any more on your own. You must be exhausted by it all.

FrozenMargarita17 · 27/02/2019 00:04

OP I would absolutely help my daughter out if she came to me with this. You aren't the first and you won't be the last. I have a friend who had her baby at 15. She didn't know she was pregnant until 20+ weeks. She did fine, and you will too. Do talk to someone medical, it's really important you do that. They can help you.

Mumbunsandhuns · 27/02/2019 00:07

You have done the right thing in looking for support and advice, I agree with everyone saying you should tell someone even if it is your friends mum she will help you in real life.

See what the medical centre say. You’ll do great Flowers

Original poster
Fluffy00 · 27/02/2019 00:08

I am very tired by it all yes although I only realised I was pregnant a few months ago when my belly started to grow. I hadn't had my periods very long when I had sex so I didn't think much when they stopped. Me and my mum are usually ok we're just not really that close. I still see the dad around sometimes but I don't think he will want to know about it. He has a girlfriend now. My friend's mum will be at work tomorrow so I don't think I can tell her before I go to the medical centre.

OP posts:
confusedandemployed · 27/02/2019 00:12

Just jumping on to wish you luck Fluffy

Think of it this way: you will be giving birth in the next few weeks. Nothing will change that. Perhaps your mum will go mad, perhaps not. But. Unless there's more to your relationship with her she's almost guaranteed, once the shock has worn off, to want to help and support you as much as she can. That's what mums do, as you'll soon find out!
If you really don't want to tell your mum, tell your friend's mum, or your doctor. But tell SOMEONE. This is not something to do alone. If I hadn't been I hospital my baby and I would both have died.

Wishing you the very best of luck Flowers

Graphista · 27/02/2019 00:18

Oh sweetheart

Your mum might seem angry at first that will just be shock and concern for you

Once that goes which is likely to be quickly, she'll help you to be looked after.

She loves you. She wants what's best for you and she definitely will want you to be safe and healthy.

I know you're scared but I know if my dd had the same situation going on I'd just want her to tell me so I could support her and make sure she got the medical care needed. That's the priority at the moment.

Everything else can be sorted out and discussed later.

We're happy to help and support you as far as we can here but you NEED to get medical care it's so important. There's a lot in the news and stuff about how dangerous pregnancy can be for older mums but it can be true for very young mums too.

You and baby's health are the most important things right now. The rest will honestly "come out in the wash"

Also these things are NEVER as awful as we think they're going to be when we tell people. They rarely react as badly ax we fear they will.

Please tell a grown up you feel comfortable with ASAP if not your mum. Thanks

Original poster
Fluffy00 · 27/02/2019 00:19

Thank you every one. I will go to the medical centre tomorrow. I think I'll have to go on my own. I should probably try and get some sleep now so I'll come back tomorrow to let you know how I got on. Thank you all.

OP posts:
friskybivalves · 27/02/2019 00:22

Bless you. A problem shared is a problem halved, as the saying goes, and you more than deserve to share this load with others.

One thing at a time. I would say medical centre is the most urgent in the morning, just in case baby decides to appear sooner rather than later.

Could you ask your friend to tell her mum, do you think?

friskybivalves · 27/02/2019 00:24

X-posted.

Sleep well and look forward to some support tomorrow.

olderthanyouthink · 27/02/2019 00:24

Sleep tight

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