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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Any tips about having a baby please. I am young and scared.

347 replies

Fluffy00 · 26/02/2019 18:24

Hi. I'm new here. Has anyone ever given birth alone? I mean completely alone like with no midwife or anything? I'm young and expecting a baby which I think will be here very soon. I don't really want anyone else involved but I know it will be safer so if anyone has any tips that they can give me about anything to do with giving birth to a baby really it would be helpful because I don't know what to expect and I'm quite scared. Thank you to anyone who replies.

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 27/02/2019 00:28

Ok - so if you can't speak to your friends mum, then be brave and go to the medical centre yourself.

They will want to help you.

As for your mum, at your age myself and my mother weren't close. The teen years can be very difficult to navigate for both parent and child.

However, I know now (and we are very close and have a fabulous relationship and have done so since my late teens) that though we lost our way for a bit during my early teens she would always have had my back. I didn't feel that at the time, but I know now that she would have moved heaven and earth to help me.

I don't know about your relationship with your mum, but maybe think about why you are not close? Was this always the case?

What I'm trying to say in a clumsy way is that whilst you might not feel close to your mum, unless there is a background I'm unaware of, it's likely she feels differently about you and you might be surprised by her reaction.

Regardless, she's going to find out anyway so I'd advise you to tell her as soon as you feel able.

DeRigueurMortis · 27/02/2019 00:30

Cross post - sleep well Fluffy xxx

shpoot · 27/02/2019 00:43

You'll be absolutely fine in the end. "It is what it is" is a saying I like to go by. You can't control anything physically now.

I'm sure your mum will be fine when the shock dies down (quickly). Don't worry about that too much.

Good luck to you. You'll be fine

Graphista · 27/02/2019 01:03

Yea I have a pretty crap relationship with my mum always have - she'd still have been supportive and got me the help I needed in a situation like this.

Health comes first, everything else is by the by

Hugtheduggee · 27/02/2019 01:05

I've put the date you had sex into an online calendar, and basically you're due now. The way is calculated is a bit more complicated than that, but your due date is likely this week. Babies can be a couple of weeks late sometimes, but you could go into labour at any time, so please do talk to someone about this tomorrow.

You are brave and strong and you can do this. 14 is young, but your body will probably cope with labour better than someone who is a lot older. But please don't try to do it by yourself. Having a baby with doctors and midwives looking after you is very, very safe, but without their expert care, it can be very dangerous.

I'd urge you to talk to your mum. Whether that's now, or when you go into labour, or afterwards, she will find out, as you'll have a baby with you!

And as terrifying as that is, its a good thing that your mum will find out, because you'll need her love and support. I hope you manage to tell her before the baby comes so she can be with you and hold your hand.

She may be upset at first (possibly seem angry) but that'll mostly be the shock, though she probably guesses that something is up already. Once that passes, it'll be done, and she can start supporting you, and you can plan for the future together. You'll feel a huge sense of relief once she knows.

It might be easier if you write a letter to her and then maybe go and stay round your friends for a night or so, so that you don't have to have the conversation face to face with her.

Right, practicalities wise...
You'll need to pack a bag with stuff in it for you and the baby. For you, as a minimum, you'll need some pj's /nightie and a pack of maternity pads (you'll have a very long, very heavy period after birth--nothing too worry about, but you'll need something a bit thicker than your Always pads. Also pack some big pants. Like the ones you're granny probably wears,. Don't pack anything fancy or thongs or anything like that. Pack your toothbrush, some washing stuff and comfy clothes to come home in.

For baby, as, a minimum you'll need a pack of newborn vests and babygrows (a pack from primark will do fine) a cheap blanket (if you can't afford that, pack a towel), hat, nappies and some wipes or cotton wool.

Most people for hospital will pack extra stuff like extra clothes, a big towel for you (not white), phone charger, sweets etc, if you've got time, pack whatever you want. Make sure you've got loads of space free on your phone as you'll want to take loads of pictures.

Have a think about whether you want to bottle feed, breast feed or do a mixture. Totally up to you, and you can probably decide when the time comes, but it's good to have a think.

You'll also need a plan for where you are going to live with your baby - are you wanting to go back home? Your mum will hopefully be able to help you claim any money you are entitled to, like child benefits.

It's much better to have a baby with support. I'm married and more than twice your age, but I need support in pregw, and wouldn't want to go through birth alone. You've got nothing to be ashamed of, and deserve to have someobe at your side to help you. Not because you're young, but because we all need that support.

EnchantingRaven · 27/02/2019 01:22

Fluffy I just wanted to send some more positive & supportive vibes to you Flowers

I’m glad you’re going to a medical centre & speaking to your mums friend.. please don’t worry you will be fine. I agree with the previous poster on writing a letter to your mum it may be easier for you.

I’m glad you’ve reached out to us all on Mums Net. I’m 33 weeks pregnant at 26 and I’m terrified of approaching labour / 40 week mark! So you really are brave!

I hope it all goes well for you with the doctor today Smile

LittleKitty1985 · 27/02/2019 01:39

Best wishes @Fluffy00, if you're scared about the pain of labour then you can ask for an epidural - this is a spinal injection which will numb you from the waist down. It's safe and effective.

Also, about 30% of babies are born via Caesarian section (surgically). So you may want to do some research on that just in case.

Shinesweetfreedom · 27/02/2019 01:42

Oh and Fluffy.
Don’t forget to think of some names.
The very best of luck to you lovey xx

Coyoacan · 27/02/2019 01:58

I've just discovered this, Fluffy. I am so glad you posted here. Good luck tomorrow.

Mothers usually get angry about the small things, but not about the big things. The big things are what we wanted to protect you from. Best wishes!

Sleepthiefismyfavourite · 27/02/2019 03:43

Good luck telling your mum

HerRoyalFattyness · 27/02/2019 04:01

Hi fluffy.

Im glad you're posting and youve had.some good advice already.

I was a little bit older than you when i found out i was pregnant (16)
I didn't have a brilliant relationship with my mum and i thought she'd be really angry with me. But she actually supported me. She hugged me, she helped me get everything i needed for the baby and she was there when i gave birth and I'm so glad she was because it was very very scary!

That baby is now 10 (and snoring in the next room!) Me and my mum have an amazing relationship now and i couldn't imagine my life without my son.

I hope you find the courage to tell someone other than your friend soon because it is very scary having a baby, and you will want someone who can support you properly.

Shookethtothecore · 27/02/2019 06:58

Good morning lovely. Good luck with the medical center today. It’s a great thing you are going to go so you and your baby will be looked after properly.
They will help you, and it will all be ok.
Let us know how you get on. We are all with you in spirit, your doing a very brav thing

NotSoThinLizzy · 27/02/2019 07:25

Your being so brave. We are all here for you

OnlineAlienator · 27/02/2019 07:35

Good luck fluffy - no judging here

if you live with your mum you really do need to tell her sooner rather than later. It may hurt her more to know you told friends mum first and not her too. I think you'll find her a comforting presence during the birth! And please do get medical help with that, their priority will be you and the baby, not wagging fingers.

anniehm · 27/02/2019 07:43

Please please take yourself to the gp, you don't need to go to the one you attended before but remember a dr can be sacked for disclosing confidential information. I'm sure all will be fine despite no care, but they will help you prepare for the birth registering you and telling you your options. If you are fit and well you could have a midwife come to you if you live somewhere suitable, but if you go to a maternity unit they can look after you better, they won't discharge you until they are fully sure you can cope at home.

crosspelican · 27/02/2019 07:47

Good luck at the medical centre today. You're being really brave and sensible.

lostfrequencies · 27/02/2019 07:48

Hey I hope all goes well today.

anniehm · 27/02/2019 07:49

Ps if your home situation means you cannot return after the birth, social services can place you in a foster care with your baby if you are under 18. They don't remove babies just because you are young now. Best wishes, no idea where you are but there's people here who would support you in person too, lovely bunch on Mumsnet!

dietcokemegafan · 27/02/2019 07:54

Good luck with everything. Social services will be involved due to your age and lack of antenatal care, but they will do their best to help you look after the baby yourself so don't see them as people who will try to take your baby away.

Drizzlehair · 27/02/2019 08:05

Good luck at the medical centre today. You're being so brave and sensible posting here and deciding to go see someone medical today. I don't know you but I feel really proud of you taking these steps in such a scary situation.

I hope you can see your friend's mum to tell her later on today

Good luck with it all Flowers

Strugglingonagain · 27/02/2019 08:06

Good luck today Fluffy. Please do make sure you go to the medical centre, it sounds like you're due soon. Also please come back and update us if you can so we know you're ok x

ALargeGinPlease · 27/02/2019 08:28

Good luck, Fluffy. You're being very brave and doing the right thing by seeking medical attention. Thats the most important thing right now.
And please, please, drop by when you've had the baby and let us know is its a girl Fluffy or a boy Fluffy. We're all supporting you 💗.

Doglikeme · 27/02/2019 08:48

This is so sad op. I promise your mum will be supportive of you, I really can't imagine her preferring not to know. My DD isn't as old as you yet but I would want to know and support her the best I could. She might be angry for a while but it would be the shock.
You need some support. I hope you're okay.

WeeDangerousSpike · 27/02/2019 08:51

Good luck today Fluffy Flowers you're being very brave xx

When the time comes and you are in labour there are lots of different ways that they can help with the pain, there's gas and air, that you breathe in. There's injections in your leg, there's epidural where they inject into your back - that stops the pain completely. Don't be afraid to ask for pain relief, and ask again if what you've had isn't helping enough.

Thesearmsofmine · 27/02/2019 08:51

Good luck today Fluffy, you are being really brave.

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