Any tips about having a baby please. I am young and scared.

[Fluffy00]

Hi. I'm new here. Has anyone ever given birth alone? I mean completely alone like with no midwife or anything? I'm young and expecting a baby which I think will be here very soon. I don't really want anyone else involved but I know it will be safer so if anyone has any tips that they can give me about anything to do with giving birth to a baby really it would be helpful because I don't know what to expect and I'm quite scared. Thank you to anyone who replies.

I think that your mum would rather look after her baby girl (you) in any situation that she needed her rather than make a judgment. Yes she’ll be in shock, but ultimately she’ll go into ‘mum’ mode to take care of you. I had my first baby at 18 and needed my mum, but if you can’t have your mum please have someone with you that you can rely on. I’m in Gloucestershire if I can help, but there’s so many offering help here you don’t need to get through this scared and alone. Take care Fluffy00 you’re not going through this along x

I am a midwife, please either see your GP or ask your friend to go with you to your nearest maternity unit. They will look after you. They usually have a dedicated team of midwives that look after young mums. Please don't do this alone. You are much better sorted this out now. Your labour could start at anytime so it will much much safer for to be with people who can look after you. It may seem really scary but things will be ok. If you are scared to be at home or scared what your family will do or think, there will be somewhere safe for you to be. You just need to ask for the help x

I can only echo the advice others have given Here to seek some medical care for you and your soon to be baby. If it were my DD or DSD in your position I would want to do everything I could to help them and I feel sure that your mum will feel the same, even if she is initially cross.

As an aside, my own mum was 15 when she had me, and she's an amazing mum.

It's completely understandable to be scared, I hope posting here has helped and you feel better about telling someone x

Oh lovely, it's going to be ok.

At the very least you really do need to talk to a medical person, they will help you and check if everything is OK. They won't tell your mum if you don't want them to - they aren't allowed to.

If you can tell your mum then that would be for the best, but if you really feel you can't then it's up to you, you know her best. I'm sure she loves you, and if she's cross it will only be because she's scared too.

If it's too hard for you to tell anyone can you ask your friend to tell her mum, while you wait outside? Then you can talk to her but you don't actually have to say it out loud to start the conversation, would that help?

Or do you have an auntie or a granny that you can talk to? Someone that can tell your mum for you if you're too sacred?

It does sound like you must be quite close to the baby coming, I don't want to scare you, but it's important you tell someone medical as soon as possible so that they can help you. They will be kind, it won't be the first time they've had a young patient.

I've known girls as young as 13 have babies, it happens more often than you think.

If you phone 111 I'm sure they will tell you the phone number of the midwives or the hospital that you need to speak to.

Please speak to someone they need to check on you and baby's health and if you're overdue they might need to get baby out so they need to know how far along you are. No one drs nurses will judge you.

Keep us updated how you get on

Hi. Haven’t read all messages in thread. However if you want to keep the baby once it’s born you can’t do this alone. My mother is a midwife and has had a couple of people rushed in through ambulance after trying to give birth alone. Social work got involved heavily in both and she assumes they’ve had the babies taken away as social care simply presume the women are having the babies alone in order to secretly abandon them.

Thank you everybody for replying to me I wasn't expecting so many. I knew it was getting closer which is why I knew I had to do something but I didn't really think it could happen any minute yet. How will I even know when it starts coming? I think I will have to go to the medical centre tomorrow and see what they say before I think about telling my mum. Sorry if I'm sounding stupid and thank you everybody.

Blimey, please ignore what @LineEyesForever is going on about, @Fluffy00! It's not true. If social services get involved, they will try everything to keep the baby with you. They don't want to take babies away from mothers.

@LineEyesForever what you've just posted is totally irresponsible. You've posted assumptions based on assumptions, where you have no knowledge of what's actually happened. Social services don't bloody well assume that scared girls having their baby alone is because they want to abandon them. Scaremongering nonsense.

@assassinatedbeauty I’m sorry you feel that way but I’m simply telling her the truth. My mother has been present when social services have been involved in these types of cases, it’s hardly assumptions.

That's great let us know how you get on at the medical centre- good first step!! 😊

Fluffy00 I don't know how old you are but possibly you are in still at school, if so talk to one of the safe guarding adults, they are used to it and will help you. He /she may also set up a meeting with your parent to break the news in a controlled setting.

Ok thank you. I am still at school yes and I am young. I think I won't go to school tomorrow and go to the medical centre instead then once they've told me a bit more I might be able to tell someone else. I'm still not sure if it will be my mum though. I might have to be my friend's mum.

@Fluffy00 labour can start with dull aching in your back a bit like period pain, and/or contractions, which are quite far apart to begin with. They feel like tightening and aren't overly painful initially, they just feel a bit intense. You may have something called a "show" which is a sort of plug of mucus that comes away from the entrance to your womb, although this doesn't always happen. Even if it does happen, it doesn't mean the baby is coming, it can happen a few days beforehand.

If the contractions are coming regularly and the time between is getting less and less then you are likely to be in labour and will need to be seen by a midwife. If your waters go, then you should see a midwife. You're not supposed to go to long without your baby being born if your waters go, it's an infection risk.

If you get any bleeding or sudden sharp pain then call an ambulance.

If you feel dizzy, start seeing floaty shapes in front of your eyes or get sudden swelling in your feet/legs/hands then again call an ambulance. There's a nasty condition called pre eclampsia that can cause serious issues.

@LineEyesForever it's nonsense. Your post says that "she assumes" for goodness sake, and you're reporting it second hand. You know nothing and it is irresponsible to try and scare a young girl with your second hand hearsay.

@AssassinatedBeauty thank you all of that information is helpful. My belly has been feeling tight on and off for the last week or so but because it doesn't hurt I haven't been worried about it. If you go to the hospital when you're in labour do you need to bring anything with you?

I can only reiterate pretty much what everyone else has said.

Having gotten pregnant myself at 14 I know how scary the situation you are in is. But I can promise you, it gets better. I now have a wonderful 11 year old, and I’m a midwife myself, so if you want to talk to anyone please feel free to message me.

Fluffy00 I like your style of rocking up to the Medical Centre and I am sure they will see you, but if you are in the UK I would strongly suggest you go to school and see someone in safe guarding. They will not be shocked or make any judgement but will be able to support you and get you the support you need.

Please seek help. No one will judge because of your age. As long as you and your baby are ok, that is all that matters.

Take PJs and comfortable, loose, stretchy clothes for afterwards.

Almost all women bleed heavily for several weeks after birth, so be ready for that.

You'd normally take things for baby but if yiu don't have anything, the ward can help.

Fluffy have a look on google for hospital bag lists, don't worry too much if you don't have everything though I'm sure people will help you out.

The tightening might be braxton hicks contractions which are practice ones that your uterus does to get ready for birth.

@PartyHatOnADog ok thank you. I can get some things for the baby like nappies and clothes.

@olderthanyouthink ok thank you I'll have a look for a list. Oh. How long before the baby comes do you usually get braxton hicks?

I had them for weeks before, I didn't realise they were braxton hick until after I'd had my baby because I didn't feel the tightening unless I touched my bump

Tightenings that are on and off like that can be something called Braxton-Hicks contractions which aren't a sign of labour. They're like practice contractions, rather than the real thing.

If you arrive at hospital without anything, they will provide you with everything that you need. That happened to me with my second baby, as I had an unexpected Caesarian section and didn't have anything with me at all. They provided the baby clothes, nappies, pads for me and so on until I could get things sorted.

If you did want to get a bag together, then you can pack some baby clothes, size 0/newborn nappies, maternity sanitary pads for you (you bleed a bit like a period after you give birth), changes of clothes for you, toiletries for you and so on. There are lists online of things to take - you can search for baby hospital bag list and find lots of examples.

You're doing really well with all of this. Your plan for tomorrow going to the medical centre sounds like a great idea, and hopefully they'll be able to help you work out what to do next.

I’m relieved that you are going to the medical centre tomorrow, that sounds like a good plan. The tightenings you are feeling sound a bit like Braxton Hicks, they are sort of practice contractions and can happen for weeks before you go into labour but if they get more intense and frequent then that could be labour, for me it started with what felt like intense period pain both times.
Your situation is more common than you think and midwives and health visitors and other professionals are there to help you. I asked my midwife recently if they had any use for small size baby clothes my babies have grown out of and she asked me to drop them at our local family centre as they often have young women who haven’t told anyone they are pregnant and don’t have anything for the baby and so they keep baby clothes at the centre for them to help themselves to if they would like.