What's the most memorable thing said to you while you were giving birth?

[Elasticwoman]

A midwife said to me, as I was going into transition, "This is going well, do you mind if we video you?"

My answer was emphatic, if unprintable.

Thank you for this thread. It gave me a laugh and made me feel better for hating several members of maternity hospital staff, including my labour ward midwives, a LONG time after DS (now 2) was born.

At one point, during a short but searingly painful induced labour, I remembered my friend's story of how she starting vocalizing her pain and it made her feel better. So I started moaning with each contractio and was told by MW to get a grip. I wanted to grip my gas and air mask and brain her with it.

You can do this, you are doing it.

Not funny, but I found it motivating

Consultant (who is also a friend) to midwife: "Stop right now, she wanted a water birth!" about 30 seconds before DS4's head popped out . It had been a very fast labour on dry land...

"Could you provide a urine sample?" MW to me whilst in transition with DS3 - answer not suitable for the under 18s.

seaturtle

It's not too late to complain you know. It might make you feel better to write a letter.

This thread has made me laugh too but I'm also a bit sad about the awful things that are said at such a vulnerable time.

I think the husbands and partners are winning on the fucking clueless front though- I love the demand for medical attention over a splinter

my husband telling me that I didn't really need another epidural top up .....LIKE HE KNEW!!!!!!!

I knew it would take them 15 mins to get one, get it authorised then administer it so when i started to feel the pains again I pre-empted the bigger pains and told them I needed it.

Also me to the midwife "why do I feel like I am trying to pass a pineapple out of my a__se?"

anaestatist: "Hold very still the (epidural) needle is going in now. Oh god, there's the head"

"You're not in labour"

After 13 hours of agonising contractions with no break between them.

It was that unwelcome announcement that made me beg for an epidural as I assumed I wouldn't cope .

She hadn't even examined me...

Later on, while being prepped for forceps:

me - to anaesthetist: "I HAVE to tell you, I've got red nail polish on my toes"

anaesthetist: "Well you can rest easy, we're not doing anything to your toes today"

'Get that woman out of here' said through gritted teeth as a consultant came into the delivery suite to tell me I was 33 weeks pregnant when I was 40+13

Needless to say she exited sharpish.

midwife after realising DD was breach and I'd be needing a CS handing my birth plan to me and saying "well you won't be needing this"

"You can go home, you won't be having your baby today". This from the consultant - after I'd had two doses of prostin (sp?) gel and had been contracting for 5 hours.

Later that day after I asked for some pain relief... "I'll get you two paracetamol as you're not in labour yet". Thankfully, I insisted that the pain was getting a little too much to cope with as they then examined me...to find I was 5cm dilated and needed to go to the delivery suite. DD was born 8 hours later.

Apparently, I'm a "quiet labourer" ...

"She's 11 cm and that's the membranes"

no-one believed I was in proper labour until that point...

"Don't worry, you're not the first woman to cry during labour" from the midwife - grrrr

DC1:

Head is crowning, I start saying ow, ow, ow

MW: "Don't be fwightened, don't be fwightened" She had a lisp and I blame the gas and air but I found it hilarious!

DC2:

Home birth. Hubby who has gone to boil the kettle to bring the pool temperature up one degree ready for birth.

I start mooing.

MW: dives off sofa over to me "are you pushing?"

ME: the head is coming

MW: Shouts "Paul!!!!!"

DH: "Yes its just boiling"

MW: "No, come now"

DM: "Yes in one minute"

MW: "Come now or you will miss it!!!"

DH runs through to the lounge "OMG theres the head and its got a face"

ME "good, I'm glad its got a face"

DC3 - section for breech

Delivering registrar "ooo its a right fatty"

DC4 -

Home birth. I am on hands and knees in the pool, about so start pushing - my other 3 children are brought into for the birth

My 3 1/2 year old son:

DS Hello mummy

ME Hello sweetheart

I start pushing

DS Is the baby coming now mummy?

ME yes son

DS Right now?

ME yes son

DS runs off and reappears 1 minute later wearing his swimming goggles :-D

DH: I've just been stung by a wasp, it really, really hurts. Poor me, I'm in pain here, it hurts so much...

Etc. For the THREE DAYS I was in hops being induced he kept going on about how much it had hurt

Hops?

Hosp.