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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

help

175 replies

saka · 15/09/2006 21:54

I discharged myself from hospital against medical advice this afternoon, as I couldnt get anyone to take my dd, who is 3.8.

I felt like I was wet down below, like I had wet myself slightly but continuously, was having regular but not strong contractions, like braxton hicks, but every 7 mins and more thn uncomfortbale.

I called friends who said they would take dd and just got asked ;are you SURE this is it, are they sure your waters have gone, have they gone complatetly - given the 4th regree, instead of we are coming and will be there to help. I felt really interrogated and as if I was being a bother.

The doctor said the contractions were regular and a 2.10 on the scale, she wasnt sure if my waters had gone, there was nothing on the test, but she said it could be a slow puncture which was intermittant, and she really wanted me to stay overnight. Ive been more than uncomfortable all day. The baby was fine on the monitor.

I ended up discharing because of lack of childcare, and came home. Im still feeling really tight, and having regular, but not excrutiating contractions. Im 35 weeks now. My legs have gone to jelly, and I really needed to stay put.

Anyway, Ive told friend who was giving me the 4th degree on how important it was that I stay in, to sod off (not feeling like being nice to people, know Im being horrible, but just feeling pretty awful physically)....and said Ill get social services to take dd for a short while. They all had mroe important things to do - oike dates, meetings, or gonig to the museum with nephew tomorrow.

I had a c sectin last time. Im just going to stay where I am, go in if the scar is sore, and if not, if I end up gushing I guess I go in, but will just call an ambulance if I feel like he is actually comign out. Ive had enough. I cant get myself to hospital again, I cant bare the thought of donig much to be honest. I just want to stay put now.

Im feeling so upset that noone cares enough to say 'you stay in if they want you to and dont worry about anyth8ing.' It does hurt. Im 2 cm dilated and I guess I just have to cope.

Sorry. I am not happy being alone right now.

Its all too much

saka

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hunkermunker · 15/09/2006 21:56

Oh, Saka

Where do you live?

krabbiepatty · 15/09/2006 21:58

Saka, I'm sure there must be a reliable MNer somewhere near where you are who would be able to help with your DD. Where are you?

pupuce · 15/09/2006 21:58

I presume your mum or (ex?) partner are not around?

hunkermunker · 15/09/2006 21:59

Exactly my thought, KP.

hester · 15/09/2006 22:03

Where are you, Saka? I'm sure one of us will help if we can.

littleducks · 15/09/2006 22:05

ooh, saka i'm sure we can sort something out for you, where r u? do you have any neighbours who could watch your dd? sometimes people would like to help but dont want to offend by asking.

krabbiepatty · 15/09/2006 22:06

come back saka, you shouldn't be alone. Let someone help.

hunkermunker · 15/09/2006 22:09

Saka? Are you there?

Original poster
saka · 15/09/2006 22:10

Im in essex, but couldnt ask someone I didnt know to help like that. I just need some people around right now as I cant seem to stop crying.

Ive no family at all. Husband had a nervous breakdown when I was 10 weeks and isnt capable, or even in the country.

I did think I had good friends, and I trusted them.

Ill be alright. You know its really upsetting when people I know well and trust say they will efinately help out whenever needed, but then try to justify it when they dont help, and give me the third degree when I try to explain that I need to stay put in the hospital, even if this 'isnt it' just yet. I would like one of these childless people to try feeling how I am for a few hours and see if they want to be in hospital or not.

Sorry. Im in a very bad mood. I never swear, but when a friend called up to tell me again why she had better things to do, and give me an interrogatin on when exactly did I think the baby would arrive and was I sure it was it, I did get rather nasty and told her if she couldnt help to f off...Now I feel awful..

OP posts:
Kelly1978 · 15/09/2006 22:13

saka this is shit. get back to hosp NOW!

u won't necess fell a gushing, I didn't with ds1 and I told the mw I though waters had gone (a trickle like urinating) and they didn't belive me. My waters had gone though, it CAN vary.

Don't worry about your dd. ss aren't all bad, and they would make sure your dd is in good car if nobody else will take her. I am speaking fom personal experience. Your dd WILL be looked after.

You have to think about you and your unborn child, sod your friends.

hunkermunker · 15/09/2006 22:13

Saka, it's not asking someone you don't know, it's asking a mumsnetter - different thing entirely.

But if you're not comfortable with it (you will be by the time I've finished with you ), I'm happy to stay and chat for a bit.

And Pupuce is here - she's a doula and can ask proper questions.

krabbiepatty · 15/09/2006 22:14

Saka, I know why you might feel uneasy about someone you don't know helping but bear it in mind if you feel really bad. Keep talking here if you are miserable; you poor thing. It sounds like you should be back in hospital. Is it worth trying a different friend?

Kelly1978 · 15/09/2006 22:14

i really think you may be in labour, You don't want your dd to wait until it has progressed, and then sort childcare, you need to get sorted NOW.

MissyCocker · 15/09/2006 22:14

Saka, phone your midwives office, and ask them to send a midwife out to your home...INSIST that you cannot and will not go back into hospital. You are entitled to a home birth, or care at home for as long as possible.

Please do not do this by yourself.

lemonaid · 15/09/2006 22:15

Darn, not near me then. But I would help if I were anywhere near and there will be other people who will. Whereabouts in Essex? Don't be afraid of asking people you don't know for help -- most people are basically good and would step up to the mark if they had any idea of the state you're in (unfortunately, your friends don't seem to fall into this category).

Original poster
saka · 15/09/2006 22:15

I was made to feel like unless the baby put in an appearance in the next 3 hours like Iw as wasting peoples time. 'I would love to be there all the time, saka, but I just cant' said one of them. I havent asked them to. Ive kept going when Ive been exhausted and not asked for help and been grateful when it did arrive.

I guess they were not as good firends as I thought they were.

Dd has gone to sleep now. I know my temp is alright, the baby's heartbeat is fine, and I guess I stay here until I feel I cant cope anymore.

Im not irresponsible, but I dont know what else to do apart from stay put.

The contractinos are sstill every 7 mins, and not getting more intense, but still hurting and feeling so tight it is hard to breathe.

I just feel very alone. Im sorry.

I just dont want to be alone right now

OP posts:
pupuce · 15/09/2006 22:15

Hunker - are you bullying her ????

Saka - what does the leak smell like ? (sorry!)

MissyCocker · 15/09/2006 22:16

Bollocks, sorry only just clicked that you are 35 weeks. Still, getting a MW to your home is better than no-one??

hester · 15/09/2006 22:17

Don't feel awful. You're about to give birth; it's your god-given right to be crabby.

People can be very thoughtless, can't they? I don't drive, and when I went into labour I had a list of half a dozen people who all promised faithfully they'd take me to hospital. Not one of them felt able to show on the day, and I ended up getting a minicab instead.

But what are you going to do right now? Have you explained your situation to the midwives at the hospital? Have you tried ringing the social services duty officer? (Just in case things speed up...) Could you face ringing back any of your 'friends' and telling them that actually, you really do need their help?

So sorry you're going through this. You must feel very lonely.

hunkermunker · 15/09/2006 22:18

Pupuce Not at all, just want Saka to have someone with her

pupuce · 15/09/2006 22:18

Hester - did you have a baby (sorry to hijack)????

Original poster
saka · 15/09/2006 22:21

I jsut cant stop crying.

I dont ever want to speak to those so called friends again. And I know Im over reacting, but I dont feel good at all.

Its got progressivley worse throughout the day, worse if I walk around, better if I lean over and dont move.

The hospital were very clear, I was to call an ambulance if I felt the baby was on its way, I really should not go home, and they were not willing to discharge me, I had to go wrist band still on, bent over double. I promised that I woudl go in if the scar felt sore or if I wanted to push.

Im just ahakey and very very tight all the time round the tummy, with manageable but very regular conractions.

Thanks for being around.

Social services are not going to just take dd and not give her back I presume.

I dont have a miwife. my care with the pregnacy has been one long hassle. I came back to the uk mid pregnancy, and it never got sorted out as they were waiting for residency docs to be approved (Im a citizen but lied abroad)...anyway..no midwife. Ive consultant led care at the hosp.

It might just go away, I suppose.

saka

OP posts:
3andnomore · 15/09/2006 22:22

(((((awwww)))))) wis I was nearby, because you should not be made to feel bad or in need or a bother!
Really sorry you are having such a bad time...if I was near I'd come and help...but am in Northants so not just roud the corner!

Kelly1978 · 15/09/2006 22:23

saka i was in that situation, thought I had childcare all sorted for the birth of my twins, then got let down. It was hell, but you do need to concentrate on you and your children and do soemthing. You don't want to wait until your baby is beign born before makign sure your dd is cared for.

Original poster
saka · 15/09/2006 22:24

Its colourless and oderless. I went out in the morning to drop dd off at school and my knickers were wet by the time I returned.

I put a pad on and it seems to be a very slow wetness.

it dosent smell like wee. and I dont feel that kind of sensation that im passing urine.

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