help

[saka]

I discharged myself from hospital against medical advice this afternoon, as I couldnt get anyone to take my dd, who is 3.8.

I felt like I was wet down below, like I had wet myself slightly but continuously, was having regular but not strong contractions, like braxton hicks, but every 7 mins and more thn uncomfortbale.

I called friends who said they would take dd and just got asked ;are you SURE this is it, are they sure your waters have gone, have they gone complatetly - given the 4th regree, instead of we are coming and will be there to help. I felt really interrogated and as if I was being a bother.

The doctor said the contractions were regular and a 2.10 on the scale, she wasnt sure if my waters had gone, there was nothing on the test, but she said it could be a slow puncture which was intermittant, and she really wanted me to stay overnight. Ive been more than uncomfortable all day. The baby was fine on the monitor.

I ended up discharing because of lack of childcare, and came home. Im still feeling really tight, and having regular, but not excrutiating contractions. Im 35 weeks now. My legs have gone to jelly, and I really needed to stay put.

Anyway, Ive told friend who was giving me the 4th degree on how important it was that I stay in, to sod off (not feeling like being nice to people, know Im being horrible, but just feeling pretty awful physically)....and said Ill get social services to take dd for a short while. They all had mroe important things to do - oike dates, meetings, or gonig to the museum with nephew tomorrow.

I had a c sectin last time. Im just going to stay where I am, go in if the scar is sore, and if not, if I end up gushing I guess I go in, but will just call an ambulance if I feel like he is actually comign out. Ive had enough. I cant get myself to hospital again, I cant bare the thought of donig much to be honest. I just want to stay put now.

Im feeling so upset that noone cares enough to say 'you stay in if they want you to and dont worry about anyth8ing.' It does hurt. Im 2 cm dilated and I guess I just have to cope.

Sorry. I am not happy being alone right now.

Its all too much

saka

Saka, saw this and jsut wanted to wish you well...am nowhere near you so can't offer any practical help, just some positive vibes - like pupuce I think you're v brave. Will look out for your birth announcement, stay strong

Saka - I have only just seen this thread. Although you have only seen the consultant, midwives will cover your area. I would advise you phone the hospital tell them what is happening.
It sounds very much as if your waters have broken. It is normal practice to start you on erythromicin if you are not in full labour as it can delay the start. If you do into hospital with DD now they would be able to contact SS for you. There would then be time to get something organised before you go into full blown labour which will be less distressing for your DD.

Please phone the hospital now.

Your DD will stay with you in hospital until something is organised.

As a midwife I have made arrangements to look after children when mums are in labour temprarily. They will keep her with you or entertain her in the dayroom if you are too sore. They will not abandon her. You will get things done more quickly for her if you just go in and take her with you. The midwives are there to help you.

Hi saka, Ive just sent you an email, remember if you need me to do anything I'll do my best to help out. mears is right though, they will look after your dd brilliantly in hosp with you, take care xxx

Mears, is erhythmiacin the antibiotic? I am allergic to erhythamicin (rash, vomiting), penecillin and oxytetracyclin (sorry sp).

Im feeling much the same. Ive decided to take dd into the hospital with me, and ask social services to help out. I want to leave it as long as I possibly can, as I really dont want to distress dd anymore than I have to.

saka - if you are still at home, please phone the hospital. I understand that why you want to stay at home as long as possible, but if you wait until the last minute it may be MORE distressing for your dd. If you go now, she'll be able to adjust to surroundings and you wont be going through this alone. Please, please phone them and explain the situation or just go.

saka - erythromycin is an antibiotic. It is usually OK for people who are alergic to penicillin but obviously not with you.
I defininitly would advise you go into hospital and sort this out. It will be far more distressing for your DD to suddenly go with people she doesn't know. You could get this sorted out before it is an emergency and you will be able to discuss what is going on rather than be busy in the throes of labour. Please reconsider and ask for help.
If you won't go , phone the hospital and get a visit from the midwofe. Although you have been consultant care your area will have a midwife working in it. Call and ask for them to contact her for you. Unfortunately they might not have anyone on umtil the morning. Please contact the hospital and get help.

How are you doing saka?

Oh poor you, I hope you're ok

Not feeling so good, more cramping but now its down lower all the time, as well as the tightenings. Still leaking, but its not soaking the pad.

I really cant upset dd. She relies totally on me, since dh's breaskdown, and I feel very responsible for her.

Baby is moving, my temp is alright. Im just very uncomfortable.

I know I should be in hospital. I even want to be there, even though I hate hospitals. Im horribly worried about my new baby and I have to be reponsible for him as well as dd. Whichever way I go, this is going to hurt - I dont care about physically, but emotionally, Im going to feel like Im letting one of them down.

I can still talk through the contractions, but having to huff and puff and the only way I feel half way alright is if I pace round like some demented polar bear in the zoo.

I know I should go now. Part of me still hopes one of my friends will understand and take dd. At least then she is with someone she knows. And to be honest Im worried if I pass dd to social services she wont come back to me. I know its irrational, but its this overwhelming fear.

The only good thing is that I really dont think Ill have to have the c section now, and that has made me happier than I thought it would. My scar doesnt hurt at all, or feel like its tugging in any way.

saka

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Ill try and see if I can get a midwife out here. Ill call up. Im not booked in at the closet hospital, which would be basildon. I chose not to go there and take the other option - southend, after talking to some mums who didnt like it at Basildon.

A midwife has never come out to see me, Ive always had to go to Southend to get to see one, and have barely had contact with a midwife throughout the pregnancy - not through choice.

Its all a bit of a mess and I dont feel up to sorting it out. I just want someone else to take over. Its really not me - Im not usually pathetic or a panicker.

saka

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Yeah. the only one who was mortified had a baby 3/4 weeks ago and is in no state to help.

the rest of them are absolutely useless. They havent had kids and seem to want to know for sure that they wont have to have monday off work to look after dd. They seem to want a three hour guarantee that this baby will be here. I feel that if I dont produce pretty quickly, they will be annoyed.

Ive only been back here since march. My dearest friends are all in tokyo. I know 5 or 6 people who would help out in a flash there...here...I havent really settled in yet.

Saka, bloody hell. Is there one friend you could just beg to come? Saka, what about calling a doula and asking for emergency care help? How do you feel about that?

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there are 3 doulas here in essex

WWW -I thought about that last night but I am not sure there is anyone near her... Essex is not dansly populated doula wise !
I do think Saka needs to have a MW come and assess her...

Donna and Bronwen are PN only - Donna might be happy to help... I'm failry sure Bronwen can't.
Sandra is too far.

Pupuce, oh I agree. It was more that I was trying to think of some kind of womens advocacy service, since Saka's friends are being crap and the main thing is some support and not having to ring ss to have her dd since it makes her anxious. Saka, what do they say if you ring the hospital?

If I speak to the hospital they ask me to come in right away. Or call an ambulance.

I cant afford a doula, uness Japanese grandpa pays. To be honest I had better get on the phone to him and beg him to at least lend money so i can get a nanny for a week. I looked, it was 400-600 pounds for a week.Or begging a close friend in japan to get on the next plane....They could be here in 18 hours or so....

I get angry even thinking about friends in the UK.

Dd wants her hair dried, a bedtime story and a cuddle. Im trying to be as normal as possible but its hard.

I dont know. If the baby was full term Ild just grit my teeth and try and have it at home, old c section scar or not. As he is a little undercooked I know I cant do that.

I guess try and last overnight, and try and see a midwife or doc tomorrow. Ill have to get up to the clinic. Im really not in the mood for trains anywhere.

I know not going into hospital sounds silly. I really dont want to risk myself or the new baby. Im just terrified about dd and social services. I know ive got it all out of proportion. Do you think I can ring them anonymously and scout out the situation? if someone from ss could reassure me...

Im really trying not to lose it here. Thanks for the help. I feel like a right idiot. You are all making perfect sense. I just cant face this situation at all.

Ill call again when dd is asleep. (I know tis late, Ive not tried to maeke her go) and try and talk to the midwife, explain about dd again and see what they say.

saka

saka

Donna is a trainee doula she won't charge much - gosh if she is close to you she might do it for free!

Saka, what have you got to lose by calling a doula and asking a) if they can help and b) how much

saka - the hospital will not send an ambulance for you if you say you are not going in. You can phone tonight and ask what midwifery service there is. There must be midwives who visit in your area because they visit postnatally.

Hopefully they could tell you how to contact a midwife tomorrow if you are still able to be at home.

The other person who can help is your health visitor - you should have one allocated to you from GP practice. The midwife could also help with that.

Please let the hospital know the problem you have - you will be able to get help.

sorry, I mean they say, either make your own way in, or if you cant, for me to call an ambulance.

Dd is still not sleeping. When she is, Ill call up and try and talk to a midwife about the problem. they knew why I left last time and didnt offer any help - it is written in my medical notes, discharged self becuase couldnt find childcare for daughter. I did make it clear when I discharged myself against medical advice that it was only because I had noone to look after dd.

I had better get dd off to bed.

Im getting a lot of painful stabbing pains in what i presume is my cervix. going to the loo is unpleasant.

Ill try and sort it out as soon as dd is sleeping

Thankyou again

saka