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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Original poster

Freaking out about male birth attendants

247 replies

bubblegumgirl · 27/04/2014 00:21

I know I'll probably get pilloried for this by many people, but I am really freaking out about the prospect of having male doctors at my child's birth. I have never had a man go "down there" unless I was in a relationship with him and to have a stranger, no matter how qualified, seeing that part of me and having his hands on me, makes me feel completely sick and violated.

I chose to go to the birth centre because they only have female midwives, but I am now facing the prospect of an induction on Monday and I really really do not want a male doctor, not for any reason.

I keep hearing about how when I'm in labour I won't care, but I really feel that I would care and that it would actually interfere with my labour.

Has anybody been in that situation, not wanting a male doctor and being forced to have one, and how did you handle it?

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Original poster
bubblegumgirl · 27/04/2014 21:10

Hi everyone, I'm sorry I've not been on this thread since last night, just been offline today for various reasons and I have to say I'm really surprised how this topic has generated sucha ddebate.

Of course, I don't particularly like being told to get a grip because I don't think it addresses the question I raised, which was how to handle the situation if I was forced to (I.e. for an emergency where my life or the baby's life was in danger). Some people have skipped over the actual question and gone straight to judgement which I didn't realise was the purpose of this forum - I thought that we were here to support each other and offer advice.

However, I am so grateful for all of those (majority) people who have been kind and understanding and have offered some proactive advice and their own stories which have helped a lot. Thank you all very much. I don't know how the birth will pan out but I hope that I get the birth that is best for me and my baby, which is surely what we all hope for?

I know that this has provoked a really strong reaction in people and I'm glad I raised it because it's clearly a topic that merits discussion.

Anyway, I think that I'm going to call it a day on this thread and thank you again majority of people fpr your advice and help.

OP posts:
PenguinsLoveFishFingers · 27/04/2014 21:16

Good luck for tomorrow. Hope all goes well.

Longtalljosie · 27/04/2014 21:17

All the best Thanks

oohdaddypig · 27/04/2014 21:20

Very best of luck!

PicandMinx · 27/04/2014 21:22

Best of luck tomorrow Thanks

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 27/04/2014 21:23

Absolutely the very best of luck for tomorrow Bubblegum - All will be well. Lots of hugs and kisses for you and your new baby x

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 27/04/2014 21:30

A few posters actually told the OP to get a grip which I found shocking, given their ignorance about her background

How would any posters be expected to know about a background? Has it been mentioned anywhere? I for one have no idea what you are talking about

LittleBearPad · 27/04/2014 21:30

Lots and lots of luck.

TerrifiedMothertobe · 27/04/2014 21:32

If you feel very strongly then I would request ladies only. But remember birth doesn't always go as planned you you may just need to run with it.

After. 36 hour with ds1 I didn't give a crap who was in the room and actually ended up with a couple of doctors (male) as apparently I was an interesting case for them to just witness. In the end I haemorrhaged and it was great to have doctors on hand to take over from the midwives.

But, next time, it was done an dusted in 20 minutes - ladies only.

The only advice I would hive is be prepared for anything and don't be disappointed if it doesn't pan out how you want.

Enjoy and hope first few weeks with bubba are enjoyable.

rabbitrisen · 27/04/2014 22:16

A poster who posts like this does not have to share everything that has happened to her in the past.
It doesnt mean that she should be doubted about what she writes about.

I know there are ts about, and I appreciate that people may change a few details, but if the basics of an op are to be doubted, then it may be best for a poster to move on to another thread that that poster does not treat with as much suspicion.

rabbitrisen · 27/04/2014 22:19

If an emergency situation does arrive op,I think that you can only hope, and if you or others you know are religious, pray that it is as competent females that attend to you.
I will pray for you if that is ok with you.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 27/04/2014 22:39

I disagree - if a poster asks a question on a public forum, then that poster should expect to receive answers accordingly. Are other posters meant to be mind-readers? No, of course not - that would be very silly to expect.

And what does religion have to do with it? Nothing, hopefully.

BubbleGum, you will not have an emergency situation - your birth will be just absolutely and totally fine. No praying needed at all. Everything will be great. You will have a lovely, healthy baby. Best wishes from all of us and we all hope to hear your good news. Thanks

peeapod · 28/04/2014 08:14

And I hope for your sake evans that she doesn't. As you have seen she is already in a difficult position with needing to be induced and have interventions which places her at a higher risk.

it is quite dismissive to say "everything will be fine".

I hope it goes as well as it can and we can have an update when you have a little baby :)

McBaby · 28/04/2014 08:25

Good luck today. Explain your position to the midwives abd doctors. Plenty of women at my hospital were refusing male doctors due to religion. But if it's an emergency it may be something you need to deal with for you and your babies life.

rabbitrisen · 28/04/2014 12:51

Oh I see now.
If a poster comes from a position of
BubbleGum, you will not have an emergency situation - your birth will be just absolutely and totally fine.

then there is no conversation to be had.
Reality has gone out of the window.

Itsfab · 28/04/2014 13:38

Evans, you clearly mean well but you obviously can not say everything will be perfectly fine as you just don't know. You can only speak for yourself. Not anyone else.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 28/04/2014 15:00

it is quite dismissive to say "everything will be fine".

It was not intended to be "dismissive" - it was meant to be supportive, in other words, "don't worry". These are words many of us often say to people when they are about to undergo something they are frightened of.

Rabbit - I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean when you say "if a poster comes from a position of Bubblegum". And for someone to say 'Reality has gone out of the window' when you are offering prayers on behalf of a mythical, non-existent being - sorry, but that really did make me chuckle. Glad to see you have a sense of humour!

rabbitrisen · 28/04/2014 16:44

"everything will be fine".

but we all know that they are not necessarily true, even if meant to be supportive. But I can see that you were trying to be helpful.

re other posters meant to be mind-readers? No, of course not - that would be very silly to expect.

But we are expected to be compassionate, try to understand, and stand alongside. And yes, a certain amount of reading between the lines.
Do you really think that there is not a true backstory going on, that the op would rather not go into lengthy details about right now?

So actually yes. Some more or less mind reading is what is expected really.

rabbitrisen · 28/04/2014 16:45

I hope everything is going well op.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 28/04/2014 19:59

Rabbitrisen - So actually yes. Some more or less mind reading is what is expected really.

Why? Responses are given on the basis of the opening post. So, why should everyone be expected to mind-read?
If that were the case for every post that was ever started on a forum, then, good grief, we'd all go completely potty, thinking about what someone might mean when they haven't actually said it.

Do you realise you've contradicted yourself there? re other posters meant to be mind-readers? No, of course not - that would be very silly to expect"
And then mind reading is what is expected really

So what should it be?

rabbitrisen · 28/04/2014 20:03

I sort of changed my mind as I was writing it.
You do sometimes need to read between the lines. If you get it wrong the op will correct.
But it wasnt really hard to guess even approximately as to what this op has gone through.

I think you will find that virtually everyone on here was able to do that.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 28/04/2014 20:09

I sort of changed my mind as I was writing it
Oh, that's okay then Confused

I think you will find that virtually everyone on here was able to do that
I disagree

I think the one thing that everyone is in agreement with, though, that the best is wished for Bubblegum, her birth and her new baby.

As to the other things - we quite clearly disagree

rabbitrisen · 28/04/2014 20:28

If you scroll back and count, you can see just how many posters basically read her mind.

rabbitrisen · 28/04/2014 20:29

I am partly keeping this thread going in the hope that the op will eventually come back and post.

But even if you dont op, best wishes.

PrincessBabyCat · 29/04/2014 03:38

rabbitrisen: Ditto. I've been lurking hoping for a follow up. :)