Freaking out about male birth attendants

[bubblegumgirl]

I know I'll probably get pilloried for this by many people, but I am really freaking out about the prospect of having male doctors at my child's birth. I have never had a man go "down there" unless I was in a relationship with him and to have a stranger, no matter how qualified, seeing that part of me and having his hands on me, makes me feel completely sick and violated.

I chose to go to the birth centre because they only have female midwives, but I am now facing the prospect of an induction on Monday and I really really do not want a male doctor, not for any reason.

I keep hearing about how when I'm in labour I won't care, but I really feel that I would care and that it would actually interfere with my labour.

Has anybody been in that situation, not wanting a male doctor and being forced to have one, and how did you handle it?

"We pay an awful lot of money for the NHS. It is NOT free."

Those of us who pay tax pay for the NHS. It is free at the point of use, unlike the American health care system.

"If they cannot provide the care a patients need on clinical grounds then they should be refunding patients so they can arrange their own care."

That is just a ridiculous statement. Where is the money going to come from?

"I also now have a disability through refusing emergency treatment."

Would you have put an unborn baby at risk though?

Q: would she refuse treatment from a man, and risk losing the life of either herself or her unborn child?

A: yes I'm sure some people would

I'm sure it cannot be only me who thinks this is utterly ridiculous ??? Someone would prefer to allow their baby to die rather than let a man view their "fanjo"? Really??? Unbelievable - I want to stick a sharp stick in my eye

You idea that that is "utterly ridiculous" does not magically stop some people from feeling that way.

Denying the option will mean that lots of people don't access services which it would be better if they did, for them and for society. That seems a high price to pay to make a point, especially as the people paying it will include many people who are very traumatised in the first place.

We pay a lot for the NHS. My prescription would be cheaper privately. The NHS is huge number of cases just does not meet patients clinical needs. Therefore it should put alternative provisions in place

Yes I would have myself and any baby at risk which why my London Teaching Hospital paid privately for a sterilisation.

Bubblegum- anyone who touches without consent is committing assault. Second point re my emergency non gynae situation a Consultant tried to treat without consent. I took my case to the GMC ( General Medical Council) I won my case on clinical ground my Consultant and 6 members of his team have warnings now on their GMC records.

The price of a potentially dead baby seems a higher price to pay, to make a point

Its not a point but a clinical need NHS Hospital Trusts do not pay for private surgery lightly!

You don't want people to have a choice as to who they see on the basis that it's "ridiculous".

You are aware that this will result in bad situations for individuals, and some which will have a negative impact on wider society.

This is reasonable to you, that's fine.

I don't think it is reasonable, and think that if a person has a preference for a certain sex, that should be accomodated wherever possible.

"Second point re my emergency non gynae situation a Consultant tried to treat without consent. I took my case to the GMC ( General Medical Council) I won my case on clinical ground my Consultant and 6 members of his team have warnings now on their GMC records."

If it was a real emergency he probably thought it better to treat you than not? Might the consultant have been disciplined if he hadn't given you treatment?

The problem is, this isn't something politicians can be 'asked to fix'. It's not something you can really lobby over.

Because it is dependent on the pool of trained specialists. You can't magically ensure that there is always a woman on rota because there aren't enough. You can't demand that there is always a woman on call because to do so would mean that those female obs there are would be constantly on blooming call, making it an even less attractive career choice for women.

Without wanting to get all soapbox, it's yet another example of why we need feminism. If hospital based positions were a more viable and attractive choice to the many female medical students, and if society weren't set up to make the extra demands it does on women (particularly mothers) we probably wouldn't have such a skew of female GPs and male hospital doctors and there would be more options.

I'm not sure private is a solution either. Private care can't necessarily magically offer all female teams round the clock either. (Leaving aside the finances for a minute).

You are aware that this will result in bad situations for individuals, and some which will have a negative impact on wider society.

So, mother in a difficult labour, unborn child at very high mortality risk. No emergency person can attend the birth because they are all male, patient has asserted "no males". Any male attending will be accused of assault. Baby and/or mother dies.

Is that reasonable?

Excellent points Penguin

And the hospital gets sued Evans

You can't win can you.

Nope, Bunbaker, nope

The answer to that is yes and it is also the legal position if the Hospitals/Clinicians are aware of the issue. This has already been ruled in my case by the GMC. This why my Consultant and his team now have warnings on their GMC files which will show up if they apply for other jobs.

Of course it's not reasonable to me, Evans.

But I'm not the hypothetical person with whatever massive reason for not wanting male HCPs in the first place.

This is about more than this single situation though, so I'm not sure why this particular example is being focussed on. (Well I am, really, but there you go).

My stance is that people should be allowed to request a certain sex of caregiver and that the NHS should accomodate that wherever possible. That is the situation at the moment so all well and good as far as I am concerned.

Changing that approach on the basis that people need to "get a grip" will undoubtedly result in reduced take-up of various services, procedures etc by a fair number of people. A lot of those people will be older or have some kind of trauma. I don't think those people should have their care sacrificed to make some kind of point, that is just my view though.

There did use to be an all female hospital for women The South London Hospital for Women it did provide maternity care. It was closed in late 80'S. St Georges were suppose to provide all female staff if requested after it closed I doubt they kept to their obligations.

I wonder how many men have ever requested male-only medical attention?

There are quite a few Evans if you google and there is whole web site devoted to this issue www.patientmodesty.org/ Its a huge area that causes great distress. It prevents people seeking treatment as Sardines rightly states.

It is ignored mostly or glossed over by medical professional which does put a small majority of patients such as myself at clinical risk. Again why NHS Teaching Trust paid for surgery privately for me.

Someone upthread said that a family member requested a male to perform prostate exams.

I am sure there are a few situations TBH.

A lot of men and boys feel more comfortable having men to talk about problems around intimate issues.

Some men also prefer females to discuss problems with and that is fine by me too.

"Because it is dependent on the pool of trained specialists. You can't magically ensure that there is always a woman on rota because there aren't enough. You can't demand that there is always a woman on call because to do so would mean that those female obs there are would be constantly on blooming call, making it an even less attractive career choice for women.

Without wanting to get all soapbox, it's yet another example of why we need feminism. If hospital based positions were a more viable and attractive choice to the many female medical students, and if society weren't set up to make the extra demands it does on women (particularly mothers) we probably wouldn't have such a skew of female GPs and male hospital doctors and there would be more options. "

These are not good points. There are plenty of female hospital doctors, but you can only have a certain number of doctors on a rota. Night shifts has, in most hospitals, one registrar and one consultant. You can't plan the rota round having two consultants on each night, one female, one male.

Is it okay to ask for only white doctors/midwives? Or only heterosexual females/gay men? If not, why not?

OP, I suggest you speak to your midwives tomorrow when you go in. They will try to help as much as possible but it might not be possible if things don't go as plan.

Maybe it would prevent people seeking treatment (which I personally still think is rather silly, but that's just my view) - but if it were an emergency, how would those people view the situation then? Would they prefer to die?

A lot of men and boys feel more comfortable having men to talk about problems around intimate issues

And a lot of women feel more comfortable having men to talk about feminine issues - the point being, you can't always have the luxury of choosing. Sometimes you have to take what you're given. A healthcare professional is a healthcare professional - it really doesn't matter what sex they are. They are not perving over your bits and bobs, they couldn't care less, they are providing a health service, possibly saving your life. What difference does it make what sex or orientation they are?

My midwife was male - he was great

The doctor who fitted my coil was male - he's lovely