Freaking out about male birth attendants

[bubblegumgirl]

I know I'll probably get pilloried for this by many people, but I am really freaking out about the prospect of having male doctors at my child's birth. I have never had a man go "down there" unless I was in a relationship with him and to have a stranger, no matter how qualified, seeing that part of me and having his hands on me, makes me feel completely sick and violated.

I chose to go to the birth centre because they only have female midwives, but I am now facing the prospect of an induction on Monday and I really really do not want a male doctor, not for any reason.

I keep hearing about how when I'm in labour I won't care, but I really feel that I would care and that it would actually interfere with my labour.

Has anybody been in that situation, not wanting a male doctor and being forced to have one, and how did you handle it?

I had an amazing male doctor. After 51 hours of labour he was the only person who was completely honest about time scale etc. He also did fantastic stitches which left no scarring and very quickly. Where as the female midwife took over an hour and wasn't brilliant with my second. I felt as the man didn't have his own experience of birth he listened a lot more than any female midwife I've had.

Also to be honest I had so many different people have a look/poke/prod after a long birth I couldn't care less if the postman had a look as long as someone got the baby out!

I will not have a male doctor for any reason, intimate or not. I have never had any problem with this. However, for the purpose of childbirth I am having an elective c section because I feel uncomfortable (which is actually a complete understatement) with anyone being down there.

I haven't specified about gender of ob performing the surgery because it really doesnt matter to me if its a male or female its going to freak me out equally. What I have specified is that there is to be minimal contact down below, that i will be covered up as much as possible and anything that happens will be done by a female and I will be informed before hand.

I have had so many people tell me it wont matter when it comes down to it its unbelievable, ignore them. its you and your body and you need to feel in control. I would consider thinking of ways you can alievate the stress of having a man involved in your care (in case there really isn't an option) to help you work through it. Distraction, pain relief, feeling numb, having an advocate observing are all good things to consider.

Hope it goes well for you.

but it is for many people, for many reasons. I will not be in a room on my own with another male, especially one who I percieve has power over me. It is that simple.

Sorry about my past but it wasn't my fault..

"I will not be in a room on my own with another male, especially one who I percieve has power over me. It is that simple."

I think males HCPs have to have another female in present for intimate examinations anyway.

I hope it goes well for you peeapod

Just because the NHS thinks that it's ok to be gender neutral doesn't mean that anyone has to accept it.

If my 80 year old DM doesn't want a twenty-something male HCP attending to her needs, her request for a female is accommodated.

If a woman is in labour and is unhappy with male HCP, why is she criticised and told to get on with it?

Male hcp or medic would have a female chaperone in room during any examination
One can state a preference about gender but the hospital cannot guarantee to fulfil it
You can decline staff,but youd need to understand possible implications about risk.

MaryShelley - Yes. In counselling it is common for people to request a female or male counsellor. Similarly for massages, waxing, and some alternative therapies such as acupuncture. Baically where people are going to feel very vulnerable, either physically or emotionally, then people do request either a woman or a man.

Also some particularly elderly woman living alone, much prefer female tradespeople rather than a man.

And it is not just women who request this. My elderly FIL visiting his GP practice was quite certain he wanted a male GP examining his prostrate, and not a female GP.

Why don't people get that it doesn't matter if there is a female chaperone. There is still a man in the room who wants to out his hand in your vagina! Having a women there does not make the examination any more comfortable if your issue is with male HCP.

It is perfectly reasonable not to want male birth attendants and I disagree entirely with posters who say you won't care "in the heat of the action". This is not true.

One can state gender preference,and hospital will try to accommodate it,but cant guarantee to
Of course one can legitimately state a preference and ideally it should be fulfilled

*put

I had the same feelings with my first DS. During his birth I ended up with complications and a room full of people facing me while I had my legs up in the air. It was horrible and it still haunts me today. I suppose you can only request a female but if there are any complications it will be totally out of your hands. I would try to get my self prepared for this possibility incase you are faced with a situation like this. Good luck.

One can decline students,and ask only staff who need to be there are present
They will try to accommodate preference,and everyone wants safe,calm,conducive environment
Best wishes op,and i hope all goes well.

Does anyone know what the legal position is if you are a Muslim woman and say you can only be attended by women, do the NHS have to meet that request because it is religious?

There is still a man in the room who wants to put his hand in your vagina!

I don't think that attitude helps. The man is a professional who wants to do his job of diagnosing/treating a patient. Putting it like this makes it sound as though his intentions are dubious. That's really unfair towards the doctor, who just happens to be male.

Theres no legal compulsion on nhs to provide female only staff
Individual can decline treatment,theyd need to demonstrate capacity and understand implication if doing so
No adult is compelled to accept a treatment if they have capacity,and are not mentally impaired

scottishmummy - So the NHS do not have to meet religious needs?

The man may be a professional. If you have an issue with male HCP, his professionalism doesn't matter, it's his maleness that you may have a problem with.

Nhs accommodates religious cultural needs eg faith room,multi-faith support, specific menus,etc
I think the nhs tries to be extremely mindful and sensitive to preferences
There is mo legal compulsion to provide female only staff,but in reality they'd try accommodate preference

A male midwife delivered my no 3. He was great!

I know, Pic, and I accept that some people have issues. It was just your wording that I didn't like: saying that a man 'wants to put his hand in your vagina' when talking about an HCP is a bit inflammatory IMO.

The NHS (in England and Wales as well as Scotland) will try to accommodate religious preference where they can. In many situations this is fairly easy. A female GP (actually, in some practices providing a male GP can be more of an issue), a female nurse for a procedure, etc.

However, the reality on a hospital ward is rather different. There may well be only one consultant and one registrar on duty. And you don't know when people will come in. Providing a guarantee of a female doctor would effectively mean telling men that they were prohibited on grounds of sex from entering their chosen area of specialism. Or double staffing every shift. Neither of which is going to happen. Accommodating religious views is all about reasonable and proportionate efforts, not blanket entitlements.

The biggest issue here is that the OP has left it so late. I realise that there isn't much she can do about that now. But if raised earlier there are more options - like a planned section if that is helpful, and where a female surgeon may be possible depending on the hospital's staff.