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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

What's the best advice you could give a new mum?

248 replies

VickyLouise · 31/07/2006 17:02

Hello everyone,
My best friend is having her first baby in a couple of months time and I want to make her a really nice book full of mum's tips for surviving your first child.
Does anyone have any pearls of wisdom that I could include?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
WorldFamousAuthorMolotov · 09/08/2006 14:12

don't listen to so called experts - ask mumsnet

Kabsy · 09/08/2006 14:13

Ditto the baby wipes they bring my DD out in eczema! as do most suncreams even the gentle sensitive creams! So beware of chemicals!

WorldFamousAuthorMolotov · 09/08/2006 14:13

the REAL experts!

Kabsy · 09/08/2006 14:14

Here here Molotov

jasper · 09/08/2006 14:29

accept all offers of help

Birdly · 09/08/2006 14:52

What a great thing to do - all new mums should have a friend like you!

Top tips

  1. Take time to recover properly after the birth. Once you're sorted, get out of the house EVERY DAY
  2. Make friends with your antenatal group. They'll be an invaluable source of support and friendship when the going gets tough (as, inevitably, it does). They'll also become your babysitting circle, so one day you'll be able to go out in the evenings again!
  3. Take lots of video/photos. Take special ones on birthdays to record the baby's progress. Make a note of all the important milestones. We didn't, and it's all just a blur now, which is really sad.
  4. Words of wisdom from a midwife: "Be the best parent you can be". Advice doesn't get any better or more simple than that.
  5. Spend lots of time with your baby. Cuddle him, love him and have fun together. The housework will still be here long after we're all gone. I don't know anyone who wants the words 'I wish I'd hoovered more' on their gravestone.
  6. Listen to advice but always do what you think is best. You know what's best for your baby because you're his mum
  7. ENJOY, ENJOY, ENJOY!

All the best to your friend!
x

MadamePlatypus · 09/08/2006 15:21

And another thing - don't worry if you don't immediately bond with people at your antenatal group before the baby. Its afterwards that you will really have loads in common.

legophobe · 09/08/2006 15:45

One good reason to bf is that you can latch new baby on every time s/he starts yelling and get some peace and quiet. Trying to follow routines at the beginning and jiggling lo around for 1/2 hour because it's not 'time' to eat yet is a nightmare and completely cancels out the pleasure of having a newborn, but preparing 15 bottles a day must be a bit complicated.

UniSarah · 09/08/2006 17:30

don't commit to doing anything in the first few weeks in advance of your baby arriving. If you make it out the door in time for something- well done, if you don't, so what , be fashionably late .

Bucketsofdinosaurs · 09/08/2006 19:10

Get an answering machine and use it. Don't answer the phone at all in the first few weeks. Let people leave nice messages and if it's important you can get back to them when YOU are ready.

Buy plain white sleepsuits from Matalan - they have just the right number of poppers so you don't look an idiot changing nappies in public. They are so cheap you can experiment with tiedye or fabric pens once you start getting bored of maternity leave.

someonesmum · 09/08/2006 19:42

Don't buy maternity pads. Get the biggest most absorbent posh Allways stylie shaped sanitary towels you can find. They are often on offer and feel a lot less like having a king size mattress in your pants.

If your DH says at 3 weeks "just remind me why we thought this was a good idea?" breathe deep and trust that your relationship will survive. You can't waste any energy stressing about that right now anyway!

Later, learn early on that banana never comes out of any clothes ever so don't even try.

Have your hair cut as short as you dare as close to the birth (before) as possible.

Giving birth with nicely painted toenails makes you feel glamorous and in control for the last time for months.

Arnica (Pillules) after the birth help with any (!) remaining pain, and lavender oil in the bath (twice a day) with help heal any stitches/tearing as it's a natural antiseptic. And the smell also serves as someone else said as a great reminder in years to come, of that lovely time...

If you have a home birth (especially if unplanned as you won't have thought of it) get DP to put the hot water on to max early in the proceedings! Leave it that way for weeks.

Be happy. There is (as Ines de la Fressange said) no perfect mother, but nobody is better than you for your child.

kerryanne · 09/08/2006 19:47

Its not a competition. Every bubba grows at their own rate and all is normal..dont rush your baby as the time goes so quickly. Enjoy and good luck! x

girlygale1 · 09/08/2006 20:42

Hi everyone - I'm new to this so am a little unsure of the 'language used!!!' - all I can say is enjoy your baby as much as poss, do what is right for YOU - (might get shot down for this but ...) if breastfeeding isn't working for you, then stop!!! I became really ill trying to 'get it right' Totally agree with putting baby down to sleep awake, have one 'carry cot' downstairs for him/her to sleep in during the day, then crib upstairs for him/her to sleep in, then they get to recognise day and night early ... also, dummies work!!!! Look awful, but at the end of the day, its all about survival!!!!! Good luck xx

ConstanceCross · 09/08/2006 22:48

NEW MUM, NEW BABY - TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. GO WITH YOUR HEART. BE YOURSELF. DO WHAT COMES NATURALLY. DITCH THE BOOKS.

mumoftwoangels · 09/08/2006 23:15

Follow your own instincts. Don't be fobbed off. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

ediemay · 09/08/2006 23:40

buy most things in white so they can all go in the wash together
stay calm
cuddle them, show them you love them all the time, treasure them
buy a newspaper on the day they are born, keep it for their 18th
sniff their hair
cotton breastpads, not dsiposables
loads of big comfy knickers - forget the paper ones, useless
make loads of nice dinners before the birth and freeze them

best of luck to your best friend

Charlene1 · 09/08/2006 23:48

Take a stressball - or two - in your labour bag and tell her to visualise blowing a dandelion away as she breathes out during contractions - worked for me!!

Charlene1 · 09/08/2006 23:53

Buy a V-shaped pillow - useful for resting baby on to feed, propping you up, support under bump when sleeping etc.

honeyCHEld · 10/08/2006 09:20

Trust yourself. You know much more than you think you do (that one comes from Dr Spock)

honeyCHEld · 10/08/2006 09:21

oh and hi, girlygale, and don't worry about the language - it's only a shorthand and is not compulsory

honeyCHEld · 10/08/2006 09:24

Oh, and be prepared to cry at just about anything. Made mistake of reading sophie's choice whilst breastfeeding - big mistake as every time dh appeared he found me in floods of tears and thought i was depressed. it was just the book.

but if you do think you might be depressed get help immediately. read my lips, immediately.

shikin · 10/08/2006 11:40

A crying baby is stressful, no doubt! but keep in mind that the baby is actually talking to you. And it is rude to ignore someone who is talking. Congratulations and good luck!

FourJays · 10/08/2006 14:04

VL Tell her to get a cleaner!
I have found it cheaper than a divorce.

dizzybint · 10/08/2006 14:12

don't be too concerned in the early days that you can't 'read' your baby's cries. at first they just cry cos something is wrong, eg wet nappy, hungry, tired, bored etc. they don't actually have specific cries until they're a bit older and actually can tell what's wrong.

dizietsma · 10/08/2006 17:46

Everyone who has a baby over the age of 6 months has forgotten how exhausting and difficult newborns are, talk to other parents with newborns if you need sympathy!

Use whatever works, don't wear yourself out trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole. If you can only get the baby to sleep in the baby bouncer then let the baby sleep in the damned bouncer! Start adjusting the baby's behaviour only when it's old enough to understand what's happening to it. A 2 month has no way of understanding what you're doing when you behaviour train it, a 6 month old can.