What's the best advice you could give a new mum?

[VickyLouise]

Hello everyone,
My best friend is having her first baby in a couple of months time and I want to make her a really nice book full of mum's tips for surviving your first child.
Does anyone have any pearls of wisdom that I could include?

Remove all clocks,so you dont feel bitter about being up in the middle of the night. Time is irrelevant with a first baby!

Only buy essentials; all the cutey stuff will be given as gifts anyway.

Even better, just borrow it all.

Imagine it if you had two, then you'll appreciate how easy it is with one.

VickyLouise

What a lovely friend you are, I could have done with you 3 years ago when expecting my twins, because I don't remember the first 6 months, (just too over whelming) so my tip for your friend is take as many photos and write down anything and everything. Sleep when baby sleeps, nobody nobody at all can prepare you for the exhaustion from sleep deprivation, so ACCEPT ALL HELP OFFERED!
and VL please continue to be a brill friend its the best gift you can offer! Good luck!

Best advice I had was do what make you and Dh and your baby happy! Happiness is the most important thing!

Just thought of something else!

If a few weeks after she has her baby her hair starts to fall out - tell her not to worry its totally normal - i thought I was going to lose all my hair! - I had a couple of small thin spots at the edge of my hair but it does all grow back!

x

enjoy each day. shop for groceries online (it's as easy as mumsnet reading), they even sell nappies you know. do get dressed, you feel more human. if you want the baby to sleep in the night go for a routine....these nampy pamby mums who feel it's ok to be up all night obviously are surrounded by loads of family who will do everything for them, if you've noone nearby other than friends with little ones it's all up to you and dh/dp.

cuddle them as much as possible (especially girls...they soon fall inlove with their dads and cuddle them far more!)

P.S Avent breast pads are far more absorbant.

hi, cool, what a considerate friend you are, great gift idea!!!well first time mum to eight months old and am loving it, but cant say i did the first few weeks.sooooooooooooooo,my advice to her will be
dont have any expectations about the birth, the baby has to come out one way or another!
breast feed plsssssssssssssssssssssssss, its the most natural and amazing and fulfilling thing to do
breastfeeding is the most difficult to master!!!(i know contradiction but it isnt really, once you get to grips of it, you'll never look back)
dont listen to everything midwives say
moreover listen to what mothers say
sometimes your mum is right!
so is the mother in law!
capture every moment of the first month on film and camera cos it will soon pass by and you'll remember nothing
buy 'what to expect in the first year'it has answers to everything!
but above all....
CHILL OUT AND RELAX
so what if he pees and poos everywhere
so what if theres no more clean clothes
so what if the house is in a mess
and people wanna visit....
one day when you look back, you will miss your newborns face, how he moved, how he fed, how he slept and all those crazy lil things that only you found amazing will be hard to recollect, then will you remember the chores, no!so and love every moment even while he sleeps.

Haven't read the whole thread so probably someone has already said it :- when baby has a sleep MAKE SURE YOU DO TO! Don't be tempted to just tidy up that mess or clean the kitchen, have a nap.

Agree about getting dressed, there will be days when it feels totally unachievable to get yourself together, but it really does make you feel better and it's ok to let the baby cry while you do it, it only needs to take 2 mins.

If you think you will want to bottle feed at some point the introduce it early ie. before 6 weeks. With DD1 I expressed during the day enough for one feed. At nightime I went to bed at about 10, DH would give the baby the next feed using the expressed milk and bottle, then I'd continue bf for following feeds. This worked fantastically as I got a big chunk of sleep, so never felt sleep deprived! DH got to have some one to one special time with the baby. I know some people don't like bottles, but this was a life saver.

I also used to have a radio on v. low during night/early morning feeds, for me it was the world service - this way I kept up with what was going on in the world and didn't feel lonely thinking everyone else was fast asleep and I was the only one awake.

Join the NCT - I'm not the nct 'type' but did meet some great friends this way, when you're at home with a baby all day it can get lonely and it's good to meet up with other mums. You can bore each other about nappy contents.

There's nothing wrong with reading a book while bf.

Happy mother = happy baby - guilt is a negative emotion.

Enjoy

get a nursing pillow. i got mine from argos. you can just pop baby on, she'll feed away while you still have your arms free to eat/drink/type/read/remote control etc etc.

What a fab friend you are! Keep it up - she will be needing you even more soon!

Ditto what others say. My advice would be to follow advice on MN in the first instance rather than look to parenting magazines, books etc - us MNetters probably have far less of an agenda.

One bit of advice that I don't think has been mentioned yet is to have a wander around your home town and find all the babyfiendly places BEFORE baby arrives. Trying to find a feeding room that doesn't resemble a police cell or a changing room about as hygienic as a sewer with a screaming hungry/wet newborn is not fun. Ditto trying to navigate the lifts/small doors etc.

My personal experience is:

John Lewis generally good
M & S generally OK
Debenhams theoretically good, actually appalling
Moto service stations passable
McArthur Glen designer outlets pretty good
Small cafes/shops etc either absolutely marvellous or attricious, no happy medium

Your question is a bit misleading - how to survive first baby. Undoubtedly it is hard, there will be miserable times but there are some absolutely brilliant ones too. It doesn't have to be a battle. I expected it to be and remember thinking I must have missed something when DH and I sat having dinner whilst watching film the whole way through with week old DS happily washed, fed and sleeping next to us.

Advice for you to help her is to socialise at her house for a few months - you bring takeaway and wine, get a cab home. She can keep an eye on baby, relax and can have some normal adult time with you.

Enjoy every precious moment.

i think every baby is unique, your baby is your own and you will know best for them

Enjoy every moment, sleep whenever you get the chance, DO NOT DO ANY HOUSEWORK IT WILL STILL BE THERE LATER!! When guests come around don't be afraid to ask them to do the washing, make cups of tea, wash up etc, they won't mind, let your DH/DP take the pressure off you, go and have a nice long soak in the bath, Follow YOUR heart and instincts, if you want to have a good cry then do it, it's ok to feel sad, get help if you need it don't feel too proud, people will not judge you. Let your baby take the lead it soon falls into place, but above all else ENJOY and the very best of luck xxx

Me again, don't feel bad if you can't breast feed, I couldn't and felt very guilty, but it hasn't done my DS any harm. Also take loads of pics because sleep depravation makes you forget everything

Stock up on maternity sanitary pads.
Don't buy too much newborn clothing- you'll get loads of gifts, don't know how quickly they'll grow or what their birth weight will be!
Most importantly, just enjoy it...however tired i get, one look at my baby's milky, sleepy face and i melt! They change so quickly, enjoy every day as it comes (and trust YOUR instincts, it's your baby)

Haven't read the whole thread but agree with mum2babybella. The right thing to do is whatever works for you and your baby, not necessarily what a book tells you or what you feel other people are doing, or that you should be doing.

This is a brilliant thread and what a lovely idea for your friend. I'm sure it's already been said but my advice would be:

Don't panic!
Stop looking for the off or volume buttons - babies don't have one!
Get the contact number for the local NCT branch/breastfeeding counsellor/valley cushion hire agent.
NCT Nearly New sales are the best place to get clothes and equipment for baby. Don't buy everything new - you really don't need to.
Enjoy the early days, as they pass so quickly.

Lovely mumsnet!

The first few weeks are bloody hard, it gets easier!

Yes you did do the right thing having a baby, you just don't realise it yet

It is OK to say that your not having the greatest time being a mother, no one will shoot you, and if they are mumsnetter they'll give you a cuddle and cook you dinner

Breast feeding hurts like hell, but it does get eaiser so pesevere, you'll be so proud of yourself for it.

From DH: Beware of day 3, they cry a lot (the women not the babies!) take nothing personally it is the hormones!

Oh and go to your local mother and baby group even if it is the last thing on earth you feel like doing. It will not be populated by freaks but a lot of women very like you going through the same emotions, joys and struggles, and 2 years on you may just realise taht a coupke of them have become the best friends you ever had.

Don't try to keep your house, yourself or your baby looking "perfect". Let your standards slip a little.....and enjoy the moment.

There are lots of different ways of bringing up children, don't feel constrained to follow one guru's or friend's advice. Mix it up and do what feels best for your family at the time.

Take lots of photos before they start moving, it's a nightmare to get decent ones when they can RUN....

As said before, put the book down! But if you must pick it up, ignore anything that says if you don't exactly follow the writer's advice your child won't sleep through the night till they are 6/will be on crimewatch in 18 year's time - it is quite likely that you as the mother of your baby know better. Any baby growing up with lots of love, cuddles and attention is going to do pretty well.

Take advantage of all the opportunities to chill out, drink coffee and eat cake when they are little. It is much harder once they are mobile.

The beginning is very intensive, but things do change and if you want you will be able to go sky diving/get dressed/make a cake again.

You may find that you spend alot of time stuck on your sofa feeding. Now is a good time to record films to watch later/borrow DVD's.

My other bit of advice is that I learnt everything I know about discreet breastfeeding in public from the other mums in Starbucks.

dont believe people who say their newborns sleep through the night!!

NEVER use baby wipes only use cotton wool and warm water when cleaning the bot - baby wipes have caused sores on my babys bottoms and I was shocked when the doctor said they were the cause, i thought they were gentle.

• grobag a must

- lots of cuddles - you know whats best for you and your baby - cut back on the cute little outfits - go for pratical - put the books down - you don't NEED any of the very useful things that our mums never had you can buy so don't bankrupt yourself (and in the future over load your garage and loft!)your baby will still love you and grow up fine - go to your antenatal group even if you have to drag yourself there, and when it finishes GET EVERYONES NUMBER AND MEET UP! we all still meet up and the kids are 3.5 we normally meet every month and go for a girlies night every other its the best therapy you can get as your all at the same stage!!

Good luck