What's the best advice you could give a new mum?

[VickyLouise]

Hello everyone,
My best friend is having her first baby in a couple of months time and I want to make her a really nice book full of mum's tips for surviving your first child.
Does anyone have any pearls of wisdom that I could include?

Enjoy each stage and don't wish the time away because it won't come back.

Talk to them all the time, and cuddle them as much as you can. That's the only way we have of communicating our love in the very early days.

izzybiz, that is so lovely I have started to cry - bloody hormones!!!!!

my hv said "I hope you're giving yourself a big pat on the back, because you're doing a fantastic job you know". It brought a big lump to my throat. And the thing is, i wasn't doing a fantastic job; I was simply doing as well as I could (good enough)for me and my baby, but I felt a surge of happiness when she said it. You can't underestimate the good that a comment like that can do.

Housework actually gets easier when you have a baby and find out that you can clean absolutely everything with baby wipes.

dont buy everything new,most things are just gimmicks, there are plenty of good quality second hand mobiles, cotbeds and moses baskets(get new mattress though)and bouncy chairs for sale.
babies need only wear sleepsuits for the first couple of months as they are easier for nappy changes and babies should look like babies not fashion accessories.lansinoh breastpads are fab,sling for walks as most places are not pram friendly,guidelines are just that, enjoy as the time really does fly and hoovering can be done another time.plus try reusable nappies so easy,i wash every 3days and dd1 is 11 wks and they are not full of horrid gels etc and are better for the environment. oh just grin at the mother in law and say thanks for the advice that you no u will never use!!!

Don't ask your DH / DP to "help" you as it implies that all responsibilities are yours and he can get away scott free unless you ask (which of course we don't do nearly enough - especially to DH / DP as they should know! in hormone addled mind this can become huge bone of contention and cause problems where there aren't really any). Make sure any chores that were his/hers before birth are STILL his/hers afterwards.

Call health visitor for any concerns you have even if they seem trivial - it's surprisingly easy to miss the obvious and worry about something completely normal and easy to fix (hadn't occured to me that teething could be cause of clingyness / sickness etc...!)

If your / his mother offers to come and stay for a while, take them up on it - they WILL be useful and if nothing else will do your washing. Try not to take offence at them constantly cleaning / washing etc, they really are doing it to help. Only let them come after DH / DP has gone back to work and you have had time to get to know baby alone and establish yourselves and how you want to do things as a family before someone else comes to tell you how to do it. (hope that makes sense)

Stick to your guns if you believe you're doing the right thing and don't bow to peer pressure about what you should be doing.

Enjoy your new role as a mum but don't lose sight of who you were before bb was born - if perfect nails / hair etc were important to you before, make sure you get time to spend on these at least once in a while - it will make you feel more in control of your post-pregnant body and give you something to feel good about (sounds stupid but trust me) will also help you feel a bit like the old you again.

Above all enjoy as much of it as you can - even the late night feeds - they won't last long and you might end up missing that special quiet time with just you and your baby

Izzybizz and sherlock, you made me cry - DD1 only 11 weeks old and I'm prob still over-hormonal, but still...

also.... if bf make sure you have a stock of expressed milk in the freezer for days when bb kicks up feeding a notch and / or you are having trouble keeping up (especially if it's hot and you / bb are dehydrated!).

Don't try to express while wearing your brand new silk blouse though - it's a b**r to get out!

Don't worry if you feel like crap for weeks after the birth, cry all the time and look a state, it's normal. (If it goes on for months, go to the GP!)

When you're feeling up to it, have DP take babe for a walk while you have a fab haircut.

follow your own instincts

sleep every bloody chance you get.

bugger the housework

trust your instincts

accept all help that you feel would be useful

baby is 50% your husbands and he is equally capable of caring for it!

baby is unlikely to break.

they cry tears not blood - it wont kill them if you put them down for a minute if you need a sec alone to gather yourself.

dont entertain vistors - tell them the kettles in the kitchen and you take 2 sugars in yours!

relax.

enjoy.

Buy some newborn babgro's. Even if you've got a big baby, the 0-3 month ones will still swamp them for the first 6 weeks.
Swaddle
Put them down sleepy but awake
Sometimes nothing but a cuddle will do
Get one of those little rocking chairs that adjust. Great for sleeping, feeding and just generally letting them watch the world go by in.
Sometimes you'll feel like running away and never coming back - but you have to take a deep breath, hand the baby over if you can, have a cup of tea and tell yourself that it WILL get better.
Of course you want to breastfeed and you're going to persevere and get as much advice as possible, but if it's really not working it's not the end of the world. The child will still thrive and be happy on formula milk.
Try and keep a little diary of what's happening when. It does go by so quickly and you soon forget.
Before you know it you'll be planning the first birthday party and wondering where the first year went and feeling sad that your baby won't be one for much longer.
Rope DH in from the start to help. It they don't get into it from the start, they're likely to leave you to it.
Even if you're nervous about handing over the baby to DH, do it. You may need to bite your tongue sometimes, but they need to gain confidence with the baby without you butting in every two seconds.
The bad times will be far outweighed by wonderful moments.

Oh yes, don't stay huddled indoors all day. Get out for walks, meet up with friends etc, otherwise the days will go by incredibly slowly and you'll spend the whole time watching the clock. Soul destroying!

Some wonderful excellent advice on here. I wish there'd been a thread like this around when ds was born .

The best bit of advice (imho) is enjoy them while they are tiny, everything else can wait. I had loads of people say it to me but it was only when a lovely old man outside the local shop said it that it really hit home. Don't know why but from then on I quit worrying about all the other trivial crap(like housework etc). Best thing I ever did.

Trust your instincts! no matter what!!!!

Grobags are fantastic, use one.
If your baby screams all day/night for weeks due to colic do not worry for one second that it means your child will grow up to be miserable and cross and never smile. I really felt like my daughter was the antichrist for a while but after the first few months and even now three yrs later she is the happiest,smiliest, cuddly child I know.
I also feel putting your baby down for sleeps while they are still awake when possible really helps them settle themselves if they wake in the night. We learnt this the hard way after rocking dd in to sleep for months!

Fantastic advice on this thread!
All I can say is when times are hard and you feel crap put the baby in the buggy, go for a walk in the fresh air, and treat yourself. Its amazing what a new top or a lippy can do as a temporary pick me up. Makes you feel like you are still you!
Good Luck and enjoy every moment!

take flip-flops to the hospital with you for using in the shower...
find out about any NCT-style coffee mornings and trudge along to them, you will meet people who are as tired and as boring as you are. they will be only too happy to discuss how tired you all are and to discuss in the minutest of detail every aspect of your birth story, your breastfeeding, swaddling etc.

after about a week, you might find that no-one else cares, but your fellow new mums will be on the edge of their seats.

Oh, and find out if there is an NCT sale on nearby cos you can go mad buying stuff there without feeling guilty. ask the other mums there what they recommend.. i always do this and am stunned by how much stuff is quickly dismissed as 'useless'.
oooooh, it's so exciting, this new baby lark... they smell divine...

When eating, feed baby on the left, unless you're left-handed. Especially if it's spaghetti. Cover up baby's head as it's hard to get the crumbs out of their ears.

Completely agree on getting out of the house when things aren't so rosy. I read in a Stephen Biddulph (I think) book - always have your 'going out' kit ready so you can get out of the house instantly. Things almost always seem better in the open air, even if it's raining, and it's amazing how quickly baby's crying is replaced by sleeping.

Tell her your looking forward to being there for her and her child. If all's great, that's wonderful. And if it's not, that can be a life-saver. I had post-natal depression, and it was pretty crappy, but my friends were there for me, my DH, and my DDs, and that was HUGE.

And overall? It's pretty marvelous really! (But it's ok if it takes a bit of time to get that way...)

legophobe, I once totally freaked out trying to find out where the spots of blood that were all over dd had come from... until I remembered eating jam on toast with my cuppa earlier that morning

great advice on here - really do make the most of the 'firstness' and that fact that you've got nothing in the world to do that's more important than feeding and cuddling your baby.
(am about to do it all for the 2nd time and am not envisaging that much 'cocooning' will be possible with a 2 yr old dd around!!)