What's the best advice you could give a new mum?

[VickyLouise]

Hello everyone,
My best friend is having her first baby in a couple of months time and I want to make her a really nice book full of mum's tips for surviving your first child.
Does anyone have any pearls of wisdom that I could include?

If you are breastfeeding keep a large bottle of water near at hand for yourself.(no one told me how thirsty it makes you.)Ditto wipes and phone and TV remote!!!!.

Smile sweetly when mother-in-laws,mothers ,friends and relatives know what is best for baby.then ignore the bits you feel are irrelevant and go with your instincts.

Ignore the housework.If your house gets messy enough or ironing pile big enough some fanatically tidy female relative is bound to tackle it for you!!

Sleep when baby sleeps.

Enjoy your little bundle.They may cry incessantly at times but just to sitting there and looking at the wonderfulness of a new tiny life is amazing,nothing quite like it.

Keep a changing mat upstairs and down.Saves you dashing up and downstairs.

Put some meals in the freezer before you have baby.In the early weeks the last thing you want to do is cook.

At times in those early days you may feel so tired that you wonder what on earth possessed you to have a baby.....remember the sleepless nights wont last forever.

Dont get sucked in by advertising.Half the stuff you buy you find you dont need.I found most useful items in early days include grobags,microwave steam steriliser,and a sling or something to put baby in ie rocker/carseat.

Keep a sense of humour.

Never say never.

Never say your child will never do this,eat that,behave like them.You just cannot tell what your child will be like .

also relax and enjoy them,they all get there in the ned so don't compare your child with others.

Sometimes babies just need to cry and let it out, and there's nothing you can do to stop them. Crying doesn't necessarily mean you're doing anything wrong.

Try to get out of the house every day, even if it's just to pop to the corner shops or the park.

You don't need baby lotion. I've still got 2 bottles of the stuff from DS1 3 years ago - have started using it to moisturise my legs!

Ditto baby oil - I use mine to clean the stainless steel hob!

Babies are pretty much nocturnal for the first little while but it passes.

Find out what works for you and go with it. Don't worry about what other people say/think.

If you have the money get SkyPlus. That way you can tape all the shows you want and watch them at 1am, 3am, 5am while feeding. (wish i had it long ago!!)

If you perservere through the sore bits of breastfeeding it's soooo worth it.

There's not much in the world better than falling asleep cuddled up with your baby with their warm feet touching you.

Don't buy any grobags until you need them, because...
Keeping your baby in bed with you is OK. Especially if it means you get to sleep!

Do not have anyone to stay unless they are the sort of people that you are relaxed around and who will help you.

Radio 2 is great overnight and you don't feel like you're the only one up.

Don't pretend to the midwife that you are coping if you aren't and if breast feeding is difficult get help fast.

Leave the answerphone on and call screen, no-one will mind (and tough if they do ).

Don't bother with baby lotion/wash etc etc. Little babies don't need regular baths and it dries out their skin.

It will get better so much faster than you imagine.

I think Oasis said it best

"You gotta roll with it
You gotta take your time
You gotta say what you say
Don't let anybody get in your way "

Trust your instincts whatever your HV, GP etc might say.
Use a grobag
Do what feels right for you, not what your mum/friend/neigbourg is telling you to do or what they were/are doing. It needs to be right for you.
Change what is not working even if you thought that HAS TO BE the right way!
Don't buy too many clothes at once. Babies grow fast!
Oh yes, if you feel low and find it hard, don't think it's normal. Talk about it to your HV, friends, GP or here on MN. It might be PND. (Yes I know, perhaps not what a new mum wants to heard but it is such a shame to let those first month going wo enjoying them when you could have.) It's OK to ask for some help!

Mascara darling. Always mascara

Swaddle in the early days (get a Miracle Blanket if you can)

If you don't know what you're doing, read a book for advice. But don't freak out when your child doesn't do what the book says. They never do what the book says

Take arnica tablets after you've given birth - will help with any bruising / soreness down below.

Don't be too proud: we are NOT all superwomen (is anyone?!) and it is okay to admit that you're finding it tough, and that you would like some help. It doesn't mean you can't cope, doesn't mean you're a crap mother, and doesn't mean you've failed. (now if only I could practice what I preach )
Trust your instincts: you know your baby best. Doctors prefer to be 'bothered' - let them decide whether it's trivial or not. Your baby needs you to do the nagging for him/her.
At the earliest opportunity - ideally if your mum is staying with you - go out for a drink with your other half. You will need the break, and you both need to remember that as well as this wonderful baby there is also you as a couple that you need to look after.
I was going to say make sure you sleep when baby does, but after two DSs I find that easier said than done. SO, if you can afford it get someone to come in and clean or iron for you a couple of hours a week - it means one less thing for you to do, so that you might actually put your feet up and rest.
It DOES get better.
Record the dates of baby's 'firsts' - you will think that you will remember them forever, but after a few months, and certainly after the arrival of siblings it all becomes a blur.
And the final thing, but it might scare the living daylights out of her, is that many new mums feel like they've been hit by a truck for the first 6 weeks after the birth - it's okay, it's normal, and before too long the feeling has vanished.

Olive oil for the really dry skin that peels off their hands a few days after being born.
A baby bath seat of some kind (I found recliner type best and used it from day one).
Sudocreme and metanium are great for nappyrash. Pampers are shite, tesco own much better.
Ignore anyone who tells you to top up/wean early.
Go with the flow and take the path of least resistance.
Johnsons nursing pads are great but the baby lotion isn't - weleda much better.
Enjoy your baby as much as you can and cuddle, cuddle, cuddle. (get a sling)

If you DON'T want to cuddle the baby all day, that's OK too.

Why not go retro and stick them in a pram under a tree (in the park if no garden) where they can watch the dappling leaves.

This is true of all babies, but you cannot feed a jaundiced baby too often.

I believe that in a lot of cultures, it is the norm for a new mum to move back to her mother's house for a month, where she does NOTHING except feed the baby. This is a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really good idea.

(1) Just when you are feeling totally knackered and at your wits' end - your baby will amaze you by doing something different. It might be just staring at something, picking something up, or farting, but you will see the tiny steps of progress and development, and feel sooooo proud.
Nature is quite clever like that.

(2) Do stop and wait for a minute before you rush in to soothe your crying baby during sleeping times. He/She may be able resettle him/herself.

(3) At the beginning, it seems like you suddenly have to make really major decisions and are not really sure what your baby wants (e.g. is (s)he tired? hungry? bored? etc.) By 6 months you'll know your baby so well that you'll feel loads more confident about what (s)he needs and wants. If in doubt, a cuddle usually works well.

(4) With regard to the above comment about "no woman should have to wash nappies" - well, with a helpful partner and a washing machine, cotton nappies are not such a bind. We've actually found them really easy to use and only do one extra wash every 2 or 3 days.

(5) Finally, don't feel you have to rush out and do loads of mother-&-baby things in the first few months. Ignore the housework. Put your feel up and chill with your beautiful baby.

good luck xx

Invest in a digital camera and take lots of photos (at least every week). My parents have ben on my back for my 2 DS wanting some photos via internet as they leave abroad. Now I have the best album ever for both of them. Thanks Dad!!

It's ok to leave screeching babies in their cots if you are too tired to think of anything else to do.

Try to have lots of rest in the 1st 2 weeks when lo is asleep almost the whole time.

Express milk from 1 boob while baby is feeding from the other.

Johnsons bra pads are the best.

Don't worry about routines when baby is tiny if you find going with the flow easier.

Sleep with your baby at least sometimes - it's so lovely to snuggle up with a newborn, and before you know it they're jumping on the bed and have stinky feet instead of heads that smell like honey.

If people offer help, ask them to bring you cooked meals - I would have gone for lasagne over a bunch of flowers every time.

Remember that this is the only time you'll be able to indulge your passion for your newborn. It's not the same with a jealous 2yo at the sidelines.

Oh, and if you don't feel passionate about your newborn, don't worry as it's not long before they can hold a conversation!

Nobody cares if your house is a tip. Cleaning can wait!

Trust your instincts.

Stay in touch with friends.

Ignore your mother-in-law.

And most importantly just enjoy this magical time.

BREATH!

This probably unds silly, but I used that Avent new Mum baby bath? For years after, the smell could take me back to those gorgeous first few months, and I still use it on occasions such as ds2's birthday and first day at school- has some really lovely memories attached. Think it would work with any smell, and not necessarily bubble bath (I know some hospitals suggest fragrances interfere with feeding), a fragranced candle or aromatherapy oil would work (The MW gave me rose and evendar in labour, was brilliant)

try not to do more than one thing a day (which can include you/your baby getting dressed)

"Just for today, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.
Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, pick you up, and take you to the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you show me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
Just for this afternoon, i will unplug the phone, turn the computer off, and sit with you in the garden blowing bubbles.
Just for this afternoon, i wont worry about what you will be when you grow up, or second guess every decision i have made where you are concerned.
Just for this evening i will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born, and just how much i love you.
Just for this evening i will let you stay up late, while we sit outside and try and count all the stars.
Just for this evening i will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss all my favourite tv shows.
Just for this evening, when i brush your hair and kiss you goodnight,i will simply be grateful that i have been given the greatest gift ever given...

Cultivate an expression of serene indifference - everyone is full of advice, or they look like they want to give you advice but daren't. And if you want advice, ask for it, but don't be afraid to weed out the nuttier stuff, even from those with seven children.

Don't fall into the trap of "We just want to get back to normal, the baby will have to fit in with our lifestyle" because you can keep this up for a couple of weeks then the whole thing will engulf you utterly for, ooh, about 18 yrs.

So hunker down with your lovely little newborn, feed for all you're worth, switch off the phone, watch hours of crap telly, get someone to feed and water you, and don't stop any of that until you really cannot take it a moment longer. Then is the time to go to the supermarket and not before.

izzybiz...that is so lovely,might have to write that out and put it on the fridge.

Baby wipes are always on buy one get one free somewhere.

There are times when your baby will cry and you won't like it very much, but you will still love it.

You are the expert on your baby, you can listen to what other people say, but as the expert on your baby, do as you and your baby please.

Baby shops are very good about accepting returns if you want to exchange for a different size or style.

Don't worry about the little things, the washing will get done in time, but you baby needs you now.

Enjoy it, the time goes so fast, blink and you'll miss it.