Things/tips I wish someone had told me - please add and pass on the love

[SquidgerInMyBelly]

Dear all,

My lovely DD arrived on 5th Aug - I have had so much support from posts and questions that I thought I'd pass on the love - here's my experience:

1.Get the TENS on early, as soon as regular period pains, it really worked (got to 7cm before they'd even look at me)

1. Get in the pool - the relief of weight off the back and pelvis is bliss!

1. Don't purple push - my MW thought I was being a lazy moo but I am glad I took my time as less damage

1. After birth there will be a baboons arse between your legs from the bruising - it will go.

1. To wee sting free bend over and touch your toes on the loo and have a bottle of water ready for immediate douching when you sit up. Add a few drops of lavender or tea tree oil to aid healing when home.

1. When pushing it feels like a melon is coming down your back passage and that you'll split. Really wish someone had told me this as it scared me. Again, it will be ok.

1. Take the biggest breaths in of g&a you can as soon as the contraction starts - if it hurts its too late for it to work - its good stuff!

1. Being sore and bruised is hard work - just getting in and out of bed was difficult - I got prescribed Voltorol for 1 week, 3x a day - really helped.

Love to all x

Forgive me if I'm repeating what's already been said; I haven't read all the thread.

In the days following the birth, particularly if you had stitches and particularly if staying in hospital - make sure you eat plenty of fibre and drink a lot of water to make going to the toilet less traumatic. Holding a sanitary pad or a thick folded wad of toilet paper pressed against the stitches when having a poo stops you from feeling like they will burst.

If you have stitches, using the shower head to blast them with water keeps them clean and is quite soothing. Let them air dry before putting on clean pants and pad.

If you need pain relief postnatally, take it. You'll function a lot better if you're not feeling like you've been hit between the legs and in the lower abdomen with a sledgehammer.

Afterpains (especially when breastfeeding) get worse with each pregnancy.

Don't examine your nethers. It will resemble the Ood for some time.

If you want to breastfeed, one of the most important things you can do is to have skin to skin immediately following the birth and to have your baby at the breast as soon as you can. Newborns have very tiny tummies (about as small as a marble) and need to feed little and often. Frequent feeding is absolutely necessary for several weeks to get breastfeeding successfully established. If you are determined to breastfeed then educate yourself on normal infant feeding behaviour so you have realistic expectations.

If you cannot have your baby with you, eg if they are in SCBU, then ask for someone to show you how to hand express colostrum. When your milk comes in you can use a breastpump and someone should show you how to do it effectively, without risking overstimulating your breasts.

If staying in hospital, take flip-flops. Maternity wards are stiflingly hot so you possibly won't want socks and slippers. You will want something on your feet though as the bathrooms can sometimes be a bit gory, or else have wet floors.

Have a snack in your bag for after the birth, just in case there is no toast available. After my first delivery I was moved to the ward but it was early evening after teatime and there was no food besides a stale prawn sandwich (which I devoured).

A few things from my experience - just over a week to go before DC2 is due so this thread has been massively helpful:

Hopsital beds go up and down. I found hauling myself up onto the high bed to be examined during labour incredibly painful and only realised afterwards it was totally avoidable pain.

I ate bran flakes with a banana cut up on top for my breakfasts which really helped with the first poo thing - was fine.

I was kept in for 48 hours - a bottle of squash really helped as I hate drinking plain water.

Don't gulp down a massive glass of water - I discovered too late that my pelvic floor was not up to it!! Frequent small drinks are much less risky ...

I had a notebook in my hospital bag and kept a note of more or less everything DS did (feed times, durations, side, poos, wees, etc etc) as my brain was completely mangled and I couldn't remember anything. Once I got home the note book lived in a little bag with the Lansinoh, Infacol and a couple of clean breast pads so I had everything I needed for each feed in one place.

If you have close fitting maternity clothes, don't bank on being able to wear them for the 4th trimester ... breast pads will show through your bra and a blobby tummy is not pretty under lycra. Overbump jeans though are quite useful for hiding that tummy while it reduces and stop you from flashing it when bf-ing.

My NCT teacher told me to get dressed and get out of the house each day for my sanity; my yoga teacher told me to stay in bed for the first 6 weeks just smelling my baby's head. This was actually quite useful as it gave me a very broad range for what "normal" might be once you are home with a tiny baby. Trying to do too much was not helpful for me. This time, lovely DS permitting, I'm definitely going to try to spend more time in bed resting and snuggling and less time caring about the way my mother has folded up the clean washing.

The only thing about flip flops is, and I do agree its HOT in the wards, that if you have a cs like I did, I had to wear those godawful support stocking things ALL the time and they look even worse with hot pink flip flops!! I had to ask mil for slippers, she bought fluffy white yeti things in, not sure which were worse! I looked a right sight shuffling around in those, couldn't just walk about in the stockings as they were hideously laddered and didn't want my skin to touch the floor

Don't stress about not getting the hang of BFing straight away. And don't let hospital staff stress you about it (still bitter about that). I was only kept in overnight - thank god - but a particularly annoying auxillary nurse kept telling me that they wouldn't let me home until DD had a good feed from me. I was so upset because I was struggling despite having good technique, but determined enough to stand my ground. I insisted that I would be more relaxed at home, and therefore more likely to succeed.

And my own midwife - when I eventually saw her - agreed with me, and pointed out that babies have a reserve of fat to keep them going for a bit whilst BFing is established. Plus a midwife checks on you at home for a few days anyway.

So in summary, a relaxed atmosphere is best for a new BFer. (applies to visitors too, but that's another story rant)

Great thread!

I had a cs and worse bit after for me was trapped wind! . Drink loads of peppermint tea, hospital did provide this and it really helped.

Sorry in advance if this has already been said . . .

In the first few days, be prepared for some afterpains, especially when breastfeeding. I really wasn't prepared for the painful contraction-like pains while dd fed but, thankfully, it only lasted for 3 or 4 days.

.... I wish I had known that it is often worse second and subsequent pregnancies too - big ouch!

Brilliant thread! A few from my experience nearly two kings ago- (sob, where has the time gone??)

• resealable packets of dried prunes/ apricots. Start snacking as soon as you feel able after the birth and it solves the problem of manky hospital food and post birth poo.
• andrex toilet wipes. After everything you go through in labour it's nice to have a bit of comfort!

-if they offer you a bath afterwards, grab the chance a wee while you're in there. It doesn't hurt then and when they tell you they need to collect your sample you just tell them you accidentally did it in the bath! -at some point in the night you will need a wee and you won't know what to do with the baby! I agonised over it for an hour before I eventually just had to go before I wet the bed. Baby was fine, and it took me less than a minute after all that stressing. -the next day make sure you push for them to do all of baby's tests and get the paperwork ready. They'll still take ages but hopefully not as long. -breastfeeding is wonderful, and the most natural thing in the world. However, neither you not your baby have ever done it before, so don't be afraid to ask for help. It's difficult for the first few weeks, yes it hurts even with a good latch despite what they say, but it really is worth it for the day that you look down and realise you're feeding your baby without really noticing. -on the other hand, if you chose to bottle feed then do it without feeling guilty. I think my DSis feels a bit put out that I bf and she ff her two. But honestly nobody is judging or even really cares what you do as long as baby gets fed! -stay in pjs (or even get changed into them just before guests arrive!) and if it's mentioned just give them a stony glare and say I just gave birth x days ago. it worked on my fil -make sure your DP knows yours birth plan backwards. It might not all go to plan, but things like the vit k injection and a managed 3rd stage tend to be talked about when you aren't really in a fit state to remember your own name, so it's good to have someone to speak for you. -gas and air is amazing. Make sure you top up between contractions as well, mine hit me like a train each time with no warning, so it worked best to keep the gas and air at a certain level in my system so I didn't have to take much more to be off my face! -if they offer you diclofenic up the bum then say yes! Amazing pain relief. -skin to skin is so amazing you might find you sob uncontrollably at the wonder of it all. That's fine, just let your poor DP know why you're sobbing or they might worry!

I think that's it, sorry for the essay, it just all came back in a flood! I really enjoyed my labour, DP and I laughed lots and totally bonded over our DD

One last thing- it's worth EVERYTHING that you go through. Even at 3am 6 weeks later when the longest you've slept since the birth is 2 hours, even though you're wishing they would just shut the hell up and let you sleep you still love them like nothing else you've ever felt

Kings?? Wtf iPhone, months obviously.

Shave the top of your bikini area. If you need a c-section, they wont always shave you first. Removing the dressing afterwards was very ouchy!

If you are planning to breast feed, prepare yourself for cluster feeding. I'd never heard of it and when my baby suckled CONSTANTLY for 13 hours when we got home I thought there was something seriously wrong with me/him. Turns out it was mother nature's way of kick starting my milk production.

This is so useful...

Oh shit. Just found out I'm pregnant (a surprise) with second DC and totally forgot about all of this. Shit!!! It was only a year and a half ago.

Oh I did a long post and its disappeared!

If you ask the Dr to please kill you during labour they will say no!

The first six weeks are bloody hard, and probably nothing like you imagined but it passes, and gets easier and the day your baby recognises you and smiles is the best day in the world.

After your baby arrives every woman you know will regale you with their terrible childbirth stories, I thought to myself 'you could have bloody said something before'!

You'll get through it! (I had pretty much my worst nightmare of a labour/delivery, it was a litany of things going pear shaped, but 8 weeks on I'm all healed and physically fine).

Feel good after reading this thread, wish I would have read it before I gave birth a year ago.

You will need to pack some snacks/water with yourself. It was my first time and I went into the hospital with a husband, a big handbag in which I tried to cram in nappies, clothes,wipes and some underwear and some maternity pads. I was soooo wrong. Husband had to rush out to the canteen to buy some overpriced snacks while my BP was going down while in labour.

You should consider everything and pack enough. It's best to carry a small travelling bag instead of a handbag like I did.

Try to save up some money and get a private room for yourself post birth. Husbands are allowed to stay overnight in the room but not in the ward. The wards are noisy, there is no privacy and I have had some very naughty children (from the lady on my right) pulling out my curtains while I was trying to breastfeed. If I ever plan to have another baby I will make sure to book for a private room which for me is more imp than anything else.

You have to be assertive. If someone comes to see and probe your baby at 1:20 am when you have just put him to sleep, say no, that they can come to check the baby in the morning when he is awake. I was driven mad by the number of people, MWs, Docs, Support workers that were coming in a constant stream to look at me, see the baby, etc. Baby needs to sleep and he was being disturbed with the constant noise in the wards.

For yourself I would advice you to take a stool softner or something natural like prunes or apricots for your first poo after giving birth. I'd rather have diarrhea than push out a rock so hard that it would not flush.
I have not used arnica but a pinch of turmeric in hot milk before night works wonders in healing stiches and restoring strength and health.

Get someone to look after you. My mother or mother in law could not be with me after birth due to health reasons but if you have a female relative that can look after you, baby, bring food, don't hesitate to ask for help. I cannot tell you how much I craved good home-cooked food after giving birth. I am not sure why but the portion sizes in my hospital were so small that I felt like I was put on a diet.

While feeding or expressing milk, you might feel very feverish, and start shivering even if the wards are warm. Do have a snack while feeding.

DO THINK about you husband/ OH as well. Yes we are the ones in pain looking after a tiny baby but they have a lot of work on their shoulders as well. I stayed in hospital for 8 days and my husband barely got 4 hours of sleep a day even though he managed to go back home for some rest, they have a LOT to do, washing, drying clothes, ironing, cooking, cleaning, making phone calls and so on. Be a little appreciative of them too. I remember after giving birth my husband was saying thankyou thankyou over and over again , thankyou for this beautiful gift, you will be fine soon, i will take care of you. etc. But all I could say were harsh words like you don't understand, you just care for the baby, why can't you stay at night. I blame it on the hormones. :D

Lastly to take care of yourself during pg and after giving birth. Get a haircut before your Due date. Take good care of your skin and get your eyebrows groomed. For the first 5 days in hospital I did not have time even for moisturiser but when the guests came I did manage to put a little makeup and felt better.

Lastly remember that I will all pass, all pain will go, and you will sit here like me wondering how you managed to go through that difficult experience and you will be wiser. Good luck !

Second the after pains, don't remember any after my first but rang the bell in a panic the afternoon dc2 was born, was seriously panicking that I was going into labour again

If you know you want an epidural, ask early in case all the anaesthetists are tied up in theatre until it's too late.

Mildred - lol at walking past the other ladies' families with the blood soaked pjs! Me too! Every time I stood up the bleeding was unbelievable for first day or two, it ended up spattered on my shins and stuff, crazy! I looked like walking wounded from WWI trenches or something. Until I got some nice DARK PYJAMA BOTTOMS!!

If you're in hospital with a bidet, use it! Also try using it when you wee, everyone says about pouring water on yourself whilst on the toilet but the bidet is even better!

Disposable knickers are your friend. So are stool softeners.

If you are having a CS buy the biggest pants and the highest waistbands you can find. You will not want ANYTHING resting on that scar.

For scars and stitches, buy a huge pack of face cloths. Wash after every loo visit and use a face cloth to dab your bits dry, then drop it in the wash. Wash them on at least 60.

Don't be a stoic or a martyr. If you need help, ask for it.

If you have very bad bleeding nipples, and your baby coughs up blood, he is vomiting up YOUR blood in all likelihood, so do get it checked out, but don't panic too much about internal haemorrage. Although, if you do ring 999 for an ambulance, the paramedics will be very nice about it all (ahem).

Primark multipack black pants cheaper than paper ones.

If you have a cs, despatch your nearest and dearest to get a couple of pairs of roll top yoga pants. Hush do nice ones.

high waisted things are great anyway when you're fishing about under your top, trying to get baby latched on to feed and you dread anyone catching a glimpse of wobbly stretch marked tummy while you're lifting your top. High waisted leggings are a new mum's best friend!

Talk about all the 'what ifs' with your birth partner, what if I need a emcs, what if I need to be induced etc that way you retain some control over the situation and you aren't trying to make decisions in the heat of the moment.

And best advice I had, imagine you're pushing out a giant poo when you push - worked for me :)

Oh yes - don't prat about with paper pants - get some a size too big high waisted (in case of C-Section) black value pants from M and S. Same price as disposables and you can re-use them if you want to - also v good for keeping brick-like maternity pads in place...

Hospital disposable pants (the mesh ones) aren't too bad, I had some more papery pants that were horrible and ripped as soon as I pulled them up, either they didn't size them right or they think we go back to our normal size when we give birth!

Cheap granny pants are brilliant.

try rasberry leaf tea from 36weeks on- not before, supposed to increased uterus contractions power - shot my first one out in 5hrs.

All I remember is that friends told me it gets easier by 6 weeks and it was true it was only by 6 wks that we felt we roughly knew what the hell we were doing. You go to anti natal classes which tell you some info (not the useful stuff like your bits blow up and you may pass blood clots the size of an egg after you give birth, normal and not painful) But what we could have done with knowing is how to prepare a bottle to top up breast feeding, my boobs didnt change shape or go hard or anything so I dont think I was providing enough milk to my DS inspite of several weeks of almost constant BF ( 45min one boob 20 mins on the other)...in fact the health visitor said oh we arent allowed to talk or tell you about bottles and how to prepare them. Fortunately my sis is a nanny and had all the advise I needed - thank god or we would have been stuck with a crying unhappy hungry baby.